Senioritis vs. the If/When Syndrome...


Senioritis, from the word senior plus the suffix -itis (which refers to inflammation but in colloquial speech is assumed to mean an illness), is a colloquial term used in the United States and Canada to describe the decreased motivationtoward studies displayed by students who are nearing the end of their high schoolcollege and graduate school careers.

Here I am... six weeks shy of my last day of college. 18 school days, if I counted correctly. That's right... just eighteen. You think I'd be enthralled by the idea of never having to wake up and go to class again... and well, I guess you'd be right to a certain degree. I am so very excited to be through with college. I most certainly am. But I'm also catching myself lack in motivation. Maybe it's because I've spent the last 4 and a half years getting a degree that I'm not planning on using (I say that lightly, as I will use the degree, just not in it's intended purpose). I mean, I didn't know that for the longest.. in fact, I didn't know that until this summer/semester. But I'm not the type of person that powers through something for so long and quits just before the finish line.

It's hard to take things seriously like my portfolio or portfolio website when I doubt I'll be showing it to anyone. At least not for several years (if my passion to work in graphic design returns)... so everything will change. I'm blabbering on about nothing really... but it's been getting to me pretty hard the past two months. I don't want to just do something for the sake of getting it done. I want to be proud of it... why is that so hard for me right now?

Is it a serious case of Senioritis, or is it the If/When Syndrome? I constantly find myself saying "I'll be happy when I graduate." "When I graduate, then I'll be excited about designing." "If I can start up my business plan for my store, then I'll be happy".... This is such an unhealthy mentality! Yes.... I WILL be happy when I do those things... but what is making it so hard to be happy NOW?!

I have a difficult time going to a couple of my classes simply because there is someone in there who makes it seem like her life goal is to just spread negativity. She complains about things that have nothing to do with her, and I instantly feel my morale go down. I also have this problem at my job... it may only be 10 hours a week and it may be excellent pay... but I just feel miserable at times! 

It's hard to look at something you see as a future goal and know that you won't be there for a while... I keep having to remind myself that I need to enjoy the present so that I may enjoy the future.

Life is about the journey, not the destination.

I only have 18 days of school left... granted there's a whole heck of a lot of work that will go into those 18 days (this is where my procrastination becomes a serious problem), but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. But is there a light at the end of this mentality, too? Will my If/When syndrome go away once I graduate? Or will I find myself sitting in my studio day after day saying "I will be so happy if/when I get my store going... etc etc etc"

I dealt with Senioritis my senior year of high school.... I don't know how I did it, but I still managed to make all A's and graduate with Honors. I suppose I can't truly be blamed for feeling this way, as I have spent the past forever in this school, it seems. Not to mention I've spent the last 17 and a half years going to some sort of educational institution... If I had graduated on time (this past May), maybe I wouldn't have felt this way... and maybe I'm a little burnt out because I want to use the degree I started with (Fashion Design) and not necessarily the one I finished with (Graphic Design)...

What a web I have spun myself. 

I guess the moral of the story is: I'm excited/ready to graduate, and I hope that I can make it through these last few weeks. But I also hope that I can change my mentality for the better. I have so many exciting things written in my Little Book of Ideas... from handmade goods, blog tutorials, an entire blog redesign, and daily goals/to-do lists.... I'll have to share some of those soon.

Sorry for rambling on... this was such a text-heavy post and all I really did was clear my chest of things that have been bothering me. Maybe you can relate though. If so- Do you have any suggestions/tips on how to be productive with school work when it's the last thing I want to look at?

Either way, thanks for being amazing readers and following my little journey through life! Your comments and emails make everything seem so much easier. It's nice to know I have people who I can relate to, even if we may have never met.

With that being said, if you have something heavy on your heart or you just want to talk/introduce yourself, feel free to email me... I'm always willing to listen! kaelahbee (at) gmail (dot) com.


Also- I feel like I should end this by saying that I most likely will NOT have a "day job" (full time job) once I graduate. I have no real desire to find something like that... I may find a part-time job at a florist/bakery/independent shop of some sort, just to get my hands a bit dirty (and keep me from going crazy from cabin fever)... but I will most likely have my Mon-Fri free and only work 10 hours a week at the bar. This will allow me to fully see through my goals (I hope)... but it's still weird to me..

17 comments:

  1. Guh, I just went through that in the spring. And then...I was finished. And then...nothing.

    It was very anticlimactic. I just work more at my job and don't have homework (or as much stress), but other than that life hasn't changed at all.

    Graduating is weird.

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  2. I am experiencing much the same thing. I have already landed the job I wanted and am currently working part-time (about 14 hours a week) doing this. So it makes it so very hard to find the motivation to finish these last few classes I have to take or to put up with the college attitude that everybody on campus seems to have. What is going on in my life seems far more important than conjugating Spanish verbs or calculating the probability of winning in craps (yeah, I really have a class about gambling...ugh).

    I also don't even want to look at my homework, my house, my boyfriend, my pets, and my family/friends and my job are so much more important to me right now than those darn classes. But I have just been telling myself to put one foot in front of the other and keep plowing through. I make sure to treat myself to a night or two off when I can, it makes it easier to go back to homework the next day.

    Also, don't feel like you've wasted time in one major. You got an education regardless. :) It is such a huge privilege to go to college, so many people just don't have the chance. You have a degree and now you get to choose how to use it! I know a chemical engineer major who spends their time being artistic instead of engineering...stuff. :D

    Hell, I have 165 credits right now, by the time I am done I will have spent 5.5 years a full-time student and + 2 more classes next semester before I am done. I switched majors waaaay too many times and oh god, don't even get me started on the debt I have racked up. But I am grateful for the insane breadth of knowledge I have gained and the experiences I've gotten out of it. :)

    Just keep looking on the bright side of what you have gotten out of your education. Who care if you don't use your degree for a specific career field? You had the opportunity to go to college and learn and that is what matters. :)

    Hehe, and it is so very weird to imagine the day when I don't have to go to class anymore. Weird in a good way.

    Wahhh, long. Apology for the novel I have written. :p

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  3. I am experiencing much the same thing. I have already landed the job I wanted and am currently working part-time (about 14 hours a week) doing this. So it makes it so very hard to find the motivation to finish these last few classes I have to take or to put up with the college attitude that everybody on campus seems to have. What is going on in my life seems far more important than conjugating Spanish verbs or calculating the probability of winning in craps (yeah, I really have a class about gambling...ugh).

    I also don't even want to look at my homework, my house, my boyfriend, my pets, and my family/friends and my job are so much more important to me right now than those darn classes. But I have just been telling myself to put one foot in front of the other and keep plowing through. I make sure to treat myself to a night or two off when I can, it makes it easier to go back to homework the next day.

    Also, don't feel like you've wasted time in one major. You got an education regardless. :) It is such a huge privilege to go to college, so many people just don't have the chance. You have a degree and now you get to choose how to use it! I know a chemical engineer major who spends their time being artistic instead of engineering...stuff. :D

    Hell, I have 165 credits right now, by the time I am done I will have spent 5.5 years a full-time student and + 2 more classes next semester before I am done. I switched majors waaaay too many times and oh god, don't even get me started on the debt I have racked up. But I am grateful for the insane breadth of knowledge I have gained and the experiences I've gotten out of it. :)

    Just keep looking on the bright side of what you have gotten out of your education. Who care if you don't use your degree for a specific career field? You had the opportunity to go to college and learn and that is what matters. :)

    Hehe, and it is so very weird to imagine the day when I don't have to go to class anymore. Weird in a good way.

    Wow, that was a novel.

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  4. I just keep reminding myself about the light at the end of the tunnel and try to plow through. One step at a time. And on those nights I really don't feel like doing a thing? I just don't. :) Well, unless I absolutely have to, but a day or two away from homework duty is a huge help.

    Who cares if you don't use your degree for the specified career-track? What matters is that you had the opportunity to go to college, no everybody get's that option! Just keep reminding yourself how lucky you are to have been able to go to college.

    I definitely have senioritis, especially since I have landed the job I intended to get after I finished college. Classes seem significantly less important to me now and it can be a struggle. I just keep repeating to myself that the end is near.

    And it will be so strange to not have to go to class...but in a good way. I am ready for some life without school.

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  5. Brittany hit the nail on the head, for sure! I'm going through the same thing. I decided to go to a small tech school about two years ago because I was kinda bored with being a stay at home mama w/ a small part-time job. Now I have one (ONE!) class left before getting a degree and I just doooooon't want to go to class. Ever. And I'm not even going to use the degree for its intended purpose. I just want to be a freelance artist/tattooer! I don't need a stinkin' degree! But I'm lucky enough to be able to even go to school, so I should just finish and pay myself on the back for a job well done. If anything, I can show my kiddo that if you agree to do something, you should follow through.

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  6. Good luck. It'll get easier. Try to enjoy school cause you'll probably miss it. Crazy I know.
    I'm struggling with finding happiness in the journey right now too. My boyfriend is in basic training, don't ask me why, uhg. I'm going to move out and join him in November so I'm trying to hold on until then!
    I wish you luck m'dear!

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  7. I have no good advice..I'm right now procrastinating on writing 2 papers for my Master's Degree. I think you'll be alright, just get it done and realize that you will always be learning, and you don't always need a formal education to do what you want to do. Use your knowledge of graphics to market yourself why you pick up fashion design on the fly! You can learn it, I'm teaching myself fashion design while getting a Masters in Management and Entrepreneurship, and working a crap job. You'll be alright, I just know it! Hang in there! You'll be alright!!! Take Care, Janna Lynn

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  8. Hi Kaelah!

    I have been following your blog for a while , but have only just officially started 'following' you, after reading this post.

    Just wanted to say I have just finished graduate school and I feel the same as you do now. I do have the passion for my postgrad degree (librarianship!) but am finding it so frustrating and difficult to get a job that I am rethinking my goals, short term and long term.

    I have just taken a volunteer job and work in a bar like you in the evenings. Also, I am beginning to feel, as you said, that I can't see myself doing a normal job, but want to do lots of things and achieve personal goals.

    Just wanted you to know that you're not alone, and I'm sure everything will fall into place for you and start to make sense :-)

    Sally (Yorkshire, England)

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  9. you know, kaelah, i can really relate to this.

    my entire life, since i could spell, i've always been a writer. i always wrote my own books and would pass every english class with flying colors. i always just loved words and had a knack of putting them together quite creatively. i started college on time, a community college close to home since i didn't want to leave my job or my home just yet and figured i could get some credits out of the way before i had to take care of myself, you know. so i probably decided i wanted to be a journalist when i was 12 or so. i thought the rush of telling people a story i saw would be amazing and fulfilling and the perfect career choice for me. when i was finally able to take a real journalism class in college (high school journalism was basically creative writing in a different style of writing) i completely lost interest by the second semester. it was just not for me at all. there is no creativity and people change the words i write. not something i really like, you know. i look at writing as an art and love classic writers like shakespeare and thoreau (i actually have a thoreau tattoo i love him so much) and i realized, i was losing my creativity and my will to write by doing something that wasn't allowing me to write to my full potential (like limits on articles. there should be no limit on the things i want to say). now that is just MY opinion and there are plenty of people out there who are such great journalists. toward the end of last spring, i almost never went to my journalism class (it was pretty optional if you were on staff. you really only needed to go on days papers went out or if you needed a story idea) but i got really depressed thinking there was something wrong with me for lacking motivation to do something i had been wanting to do for so long. but the passion was gone and without the passion to do something, it's really not worth it anymore.

    i say, you're almost done. and i know you can do it! i read your blog all the time and you are so intelligent and creative. if you don't use your degree for what was initially intended, so what! you WILL find a way to make the best of it and you will be great at it. but just make sure you're happy because that is the most important thing of all :)

    anyways, this is getting as long as your post was! but my point is, i have NO idea what i want to do to be happy in life. i am 21 years old. i am stuck between a few different choices. part of me would love to help animals or children and part of me still wants to do something with writing. but i'm young...and so are you. there is no rush or deadline to figure out what you want to do. nothing is written in stone. just push yourself and when it's done, it's done. just take it one day at a time, girl, and EVERYTHING will work out exactly as it's supposed to! good luck and never stop writing here. you give me inspiration every day :D

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  10. thank you ladies for your wonderful words of wisdom! you are all so so so very right! i am truly grateful for the opportunity that i've had to go to college, don't get me wrong! i will always cherish my degree and the experiences i've had and friends i've made. i'm glad i went the art school route as opposed to the typical college life, but i'm also hoping for an exciting future. y'all are the best <3

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  11. I'd write something inspiring and motivating but every word I write elsewhere seems to be counted as a waste by me at the moment.

    My thesis for my Masters is due in two weeks time. It's not written.

    It's not even close to being written.

    I didn't open a book today.

    Senioritis... I haz it. :D

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  12. Hello, I've been following you for awhile and decided it was time to say hello!

    I have the same problem with procrastination; I'm just coming to end of my first year at uni (I'm 28!), and I always put stuff of to the very last minute which kind of makes everything suck because I feel guilty if I do "me" things rather than "school" things and just end up doing nothing. Sometimes I tell myself if I do my school work I can do something special; sometimes it's just getting started that is the problem.

    Don't feel bad about not using your degree in a day job, most people end up with degrees that they don't end up using in the real world (hello, enigmatology!) but the experience of going to college was important.

    Like you said about raising hope, life is about what you make it, not what you have. You know what you want to make of your life and if you do what you love and not what you think is the "right thing" by society standards you will be happy. You're coming to the end of a major part of your life, I think it's probably normal to feel a bit off about it.

    I think you are doing great!


    ps. totally jealous of your owl collection! It's so hard to find owl stuff over here.

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  13. Oh, Kaela... I'm right there with you. I graduate in either May or December of 2011 and I know I don't want to go to grad school right away anymore so I don't see the sense in busting my ass. If I hate a class this semester, I go maybe 60% of the time. I know if I see a C on that transcript I'm going to be unhappy, but from day to day I just can't motivate myself to attend when I learn absolutely nothing. Oh, participation/attendance points. If they didn't exist my life would be perfect. ha.

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  14. I don't think I've commented on your blog yet - but I have been enjoying it for a while and the cheery, friendly way you share your life here.

    I relate to this post, though I am a little less than half through my four years ... I'm excited to be almost half there, but it seems unreal ... I feel such a lack of motivation for my life afterwards. The strange thing is, there are so many things I could do with my life, so many exciting things ... I think I'm scared of choosing just one. Thus my lack of motivation.

    But as you ask yourself - do I want to spend the rest of my life thinking the way I'm thinking today? Well, no.

    Thank you for sharing your own thoughts and sparking mine.

    You will surely find happiness very near. You're so faithful to look for it.

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  15. love this post! and that show is HILARIOUS....

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  16. hi kaelah!

    When I read this I was seriously thinking "oh my gosh, has she been reading my journal???"
    because I couldn't believe how similar your situation is to mine! I'm
    currently in my third year of college (hopefully just have a year and a half
    left) and I'm majoring in accounting....which is not at all what I want to do
    when I get out. And I'm like already experiencing senioritis if that's
    possible. And several of my classes have lots of negativity going on. I've
    been thinking about it so much lately, how much I can't wait to be done, and how
    I feel like I'm wasting my time getting a degree I don't even want. Truth be
    told, it's really my mother that wants me to have that accounting degree and
    pursue that career. I want to own my own handmade/vintage store (and nothing
    can change my mind, haha) so I figure that the accounting background will help
    me with running my own business, but it's not like I NEED it. I feel like I'm
    just waiting to graduate so I can "start life" and start planning for opening my
    store. I'm really struggling with trying to just deal with NOW and also to keep
    doing little things for planning my business along the way. I usually make
    lists or notes of what I want it to be like and then my etsy shop helps. Hope
    it doesn't bother you that I wrote you this novel, I just wanted to talk to
    someone going through something similar. And I just needed to get that off of my chest to someone who understands.

    thanks for listening,
    jessica

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HEY! Thanks for dropping by. xo KB