Honest To Blog : The Past 2.5 Months

I thought an Honest to Blog about my past few months as a step-mom would be the perfect thing to publish today. This is a post I've been working on/intending on writing for a few weeks, but Mother's Day seems as good as any ol' day, yeah? 
These past 10 weeks or so have been so new, so different. I'm still in that early stage of haze and fog where I can't make out what's real and what's just make believe. Does that even make sense? There are still days where none of it feels real at all. I don't really feel like we have a full time toddler that we feed, bathe, take care of, entertain, etc. I mean, clearly we do, but I think it's what it feels like after you graduate. Something that has become so natural and routine for you is over. I guess this is kind of like the opposite in terms of that, but at the same time we can't just come and go as we please like we used to. We can't pack up and head off on a week long roadtrip or go to a show on a whim. But the crazy thing is that I don't really miss that too terribly much. At least not enough to negate having Toby here. It's been the most eye opening experience, I'll tell you that.

Seeing how much he's changed and progressed in these past 2 months is astonishing. He knows his shapes and colors, and his vocabulary has tripled. He's such a happy kid. He says "Yes ma'am" and "Yes sir", "Please" and "thank you", and even "You're welcome". One day he went to get something for Mike and after he handed it over Mike didn't say anything. Toby just stood there for a minute and said "You're welcome." Mike still didn't say anything so Toby looked at him and said "Say Thank you, daddy". He's such a riot.

I can't even tell how how incredible it is to see him with Pip and Georiga, and even Enid. He has taken to our animals like nobody's business. These (reposted) Instagrams just tell you all about it. He's really really hooked on Pip though. They are like the very best friends. I had a Bichon when I was Toby's age (up until I was 16) who was my absolute best friend in the world, so knowing Toby has that just makes my heart sing. (Seriously, I'm tearing up just writing this. Ahh, I'm such a goob). 
I also won't pretend these past few months have been easy. On Mike, Toby or myself. There have been some days where a grey cloud lingers above, for whatever reason. Usually just because one of us is having an all around bad day, but there have been tantrums in the store, screaming fits, and ensuing embarrassment. There have been judgmental looks, catty remarks, and ignorance abound. Luckily those experiences are few and far between, but they have still taught us a whole lot about this parenting thing. Most of all there have been so many supportive people, parents and otherwise, who have lent a helping hand, a tidbit of advice or experience, etc. Even if Toby acts out in a minor way, there will be someone who chimes in "Oh don't worry, I have 2 of my own, I understand." Ah, "I understand." You have no idea how calming those words have been these past weeks. Or maybe you do because you're a parent, too, or just because you get it. There is so much ridiculous competition and cattiness that it's so pleasing to find someone who doesn't want to judge you or kick you when you're down. We're far from perfect, and we're learning as we go along, but it's been one heck of a ride.
One thing that has really bothered me though, is certain people on the internet's ability to say the rudest things about an innocent child. Whether we're talking about Toby or not, kids do not belong in snark. They just don't. I had a string of seemingly "anonymous" comments about Toby on my Tumblr last week (and prior) and it just blew my mind. Save that ugly talk for someone your own size. Talk all kinds of smack about me if you wish, I put myself out there. But Toby is just growing up, being a kid, doing little boy stuff. I won't get into that too much because it's silly to even entertain. There are just some truly awful people out there

I mentioned earlier that it's insane to see how much he's grown and evolved since being here. We don't know what his day to day life was like prior to coming to live with us, and honestly, that's probably for the best. I can't even begin to touch on how much it means to us to be able to give him a stable and loving environment to grow and develop in. Mike and I regularly talk about what kind of person we suspect Toby will grow up to be. Will he be into sports? Music? The outdoors? Reading? Knowing that there is (hopefully) at least 14.5 more years of watching him grow is such a cool feeling. We know he'll be the very best big brother whenever we decide to expand our family. He's such a Mini-Mike it's ridiculous. Anything dad does, he wants to do. He also loves helping in any and every way possible. He loves to help build things (and has been quite the little Bob the Builder on Pawpaw's deck the past 2 weekends!) and he loves to play pretend. 
I know this is just an insanely long post gushing about Toby and how much we love him, but it's so so true. Our entire life now revolves around him. Errands need to be run around his nap time, every morning we're woken to the sound of scuffling feet by our bed, and he's learning how to earn money for his piggy bank. It's such a rewarding experience. And maybe I'm tooting my own here here, but even without the 9 months of preparation, I'm finding it to be an easy role to fall into (with the help of so many, including my mom and Mike's stepmom!) I totally understand why some women live to do this. He's a little person! Sometimes that's the hardest thing to wrap my head around. Anyway, thanks for reading along, if you made it this far. I'm really grateful for that little dude.

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there! Whether you're a step mom, biological, a grandma, someone like me who may not "legally" have a title, or even just an older sibling who has had to step in to play the part... you are a priceless, invaluable person in the lives of SO many.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Honest To Blog is a weekly free-writing feature where I share whatever is on my mind. No edits, no filters. Just unapologetic, sometimes offensive, always truthful thought. Click HERE to read all of the past posts in this feature.

66 comments:

  1. Happy Mothers Day Kaelah! And congratulations on doing such a stellar job these past couple of months! I doubt many people could handle such a huge life adjustment with such grace. Toby seems to be absolutely flourishing! You may not legally hold any official title (yet) but you are indeed, a wonderful mama.

    With lots of love from our little family to yours,
    Katie x

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  2. Happy Mothers Day Kaelah! And congratulations on doing such a stellar job these past couple of months! I doubt many people could handle such a huge life adjustment with such grace. Toby seems to be absolutely flourishing! You may not legally hold any official title (yet) but you are indeed, a wonderful mama.

    With lots of love from our little family to yours,
    Katie x

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  3. I had no idea you were a step-mummy! Bless, what an insanely cute little boy.

    Dayner x jewellery/fashion/lifestyle - mozzypop.com

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  4. Toby is so gorgeous and you and Mike are such great parents. He is so lucky to have you both. I've been a mum for 4 years and I still have times when it doesn't feel real. Grr people who have made nasty comments, you 2 are obviously doing an awesome job at parenting and are exactly what he needs x

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  5. This is a beautiful post! It's great to hear everything is going so well. And it's just the beginning.. as things continue to get more and more routine, it will get easier, and while I'm sure that as a boy he'll always have his 'moments', you three will strive through everything. Happy Mothers Day, hope it's amazing!

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  6. Oh what a beautiful post! I love seeing the way you feel for Toby - it's so genuine and full of love. You are all so lucky to be in each others lives, and you clearly savour it - so beautiful!
    Happy Mama's Day, Ms Kaelah!!
    Luvluv,
    Sway xx

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  7. This is so wonderful. Toby is lucky to have people who clearly love him as much as you and Mike do. Have a great Mother's Day!

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  9. Happy mother's Day Kaelah! I can't even begin to understand what a rollercoaster it must have been over these last few things but there are two things that are clear: the love you have for this little one, and the happiness that seems to be just growing and growing in your pictures of Toby. Family comes in all forms, and he is lucky to have you as part of his family for the future.
    xxx

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  10. This is really beautiful Kaelah. As someone who comes from a home with an emotionally manipulative and childish stepmother, I feel like I have to thank you on Toby's behalf for all that you are doing for him. My stepmother had a golden opportunity to be a strong mother figure in my and my sisters' lives and totally failed because she simply could not look beyond herself and her own desires - it is clear from this post that you could not be more different from her and Toby will reap the benefits for the rest of his life. Happy Mother's Day lady!

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  11. I can't believe anyone would say something about Toby, he's a kid for ffs! Gotta admit I love your momma lion attitude about it though, you must be one of the most awesome step-moms ever :) I've been thinking about having kids lots lately but I really don't wanna rush into it, reading about you and Mike taking care of Toby is just making me even more sure than ever that I want to wait till I can give my own little person the absolute best childhood possible. Great post xo

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  12. so awesome! i can't begin to imagine how much life would change if i had a little person living with us..the animals are a handful sometimes! love the pics with the pups, i'm sure he adores them and it's probably a comfort as well..like life size stuffed animals! toby is adorable and it's so great that you guys get to make a wonderful life for him. he kind of looks a bit like kingston rossdale to me..haha lil cutie!

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  13. 'Say thank you Daddy' He sounds like such a wee cutie! x

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  14. It's so heartwarming to see (or read) and sense all that love coming from this blog post, all three of you (+ the little furry ones!) are really lucky to have eachother and making a small special family! :)

    hugs, Laura
    http://madebyloora.blogspot.com/

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  15. So... happy mother's day, 'couse you're a mother in your hearth, in your brain and in your general life.

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  16. I love your tumblr updates on Toby he's adorable, I'm so happy for you two to have him in your safe and beautiful house to grow and prosper :)

    A friend of mine is 2 months pregnant and she told her mum today as a Mothers Day Pres, bless!!

    xxx

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  17. this made me so happy to read! you can tell from reading this how much your adore toby and what a blessing he has been in your life. happy mothers day, i hope it is a wonderful day for you
    sophie

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  18. sounds like you're quickly adjusting to unexpected motherhood very well! that's so awesome, kaelah. not a lot of people would have taken on that challenge and it's really selfless of you. treat yourself to something special today! xo

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  19. i love this post, i don't have any children (except my three dogs) but it is very obvious how much this little guy means to you. and when i got to the part about people saying things about a child? what the ..? how and why would ANYONE ever say anything negative about a child on someones twitter. it just shows how ignorant the human race can be. i hope that whatever was said -you don't take it to heart because those people are just retarded.

    happy mothers day, lady. i hope you have a beautiful day!

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  20. I understand exactly how you feel. I love being around supportive individuals (such as friends or family members) who will let me know that it is okay to be perfectly imperfect when raising a child. It should not mean competition when raising a child between friends, it should be a learning experience for all mothers who can share their experiences or advice for others to grow on. That is what matters. Happy Mother's Day!! :]

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  21. such a beautiful post, I'm tearing up reading it. I like to watch supernanny I admit it, but I love watching how she changes families lives and teach discipline in a nice understanding way.
    One main thing I've noticed from it is that families should never be embarassed in public if their toddler plays up, its part of life. It shouldn't matter how it looks you should just do whats best for the toddler and yourself.

    I hope you and mike make sure to have nights off sometimes so you do still get a chance to see your friends and keep in touch with what you need aswel.

    Toby's real lucky having you :)

    Barnicles

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  22. I think you guys make an awesome family! Toby is adorable and I love the way you express who he is! You are a great momma!

    Happy mother's day!

    xx, C

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  23. Happy Mother's Day to a wonderful stepmom! You're obviously doing a great job so keep it up.

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  24. This was probably the most precious post i have ever read, i literally was crying. Thank you so much for sharing this sweet story and adorable pictures of your little one and puppies, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job, you are a lucky step-mama and he is a lucky little boy.

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  25. Happy first Mother's Day Kaelah! This post made me tear up a bit. I am happy for Toby that he has you in his life!

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  26. what a sweet mama you make! any new role in life is obviously hard to adjust to, but with something as life changing as this you seem to be doing so well! he is so luck to have you and mike and all your pups to surround him with love.

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  27. Ive been reading for a while and im not much of a commenter, but i just HAD to say something after reading this. i dont know all the details of how toby came to live with you guys, but having worked in foster care as a therapist, i know how awful an unstable home is for a child. its amazing to see you two step up and totally commit to parenting toby and giving him a stable home. im sure it seemed like the most natural and obvious decision but for so many its just not. you seem like such a sweet and genuinely loving person...you guys are all so blessed to have eachother and well, i just hope for the absolute best all around.

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  28. you are such a wonderful loving person. i love your blog so much but this post truly touched me. to see how you've grown as a mom to toby and to hear the true love you have for him warms my heart. you should be so proud of yourself and mike for the loving supportive environment you are giving Toby. he is so blessed to have you just as you know how blessed you are to have him. i hope your family only grows in happiness joy and success always. happy mother's day to you.

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  29. This is an amazing post. Toby sounds amazing and you are correct to point out what an important step moms have as well as biological ones.

    Happy Mother's Day!

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  30. Happy Mother's Day, lovely lady! Toby is so lucky to have you guys, and he definitely seems happy!

    My little boy will be three years old in a couple of weeks, so you're probably going through a lot of the same stuff I am. My metaphorical internet door is always open if you want to talk/vent/relate/whatever! Parenthood is a crazy yet oddly wonderful road.

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  31. What a beautiful post!
    I never really comment on your blog, but have to say how much I admire you!
    What you're doing is a wonderful thing!
    x

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  32. Beautiful post, Toby sound likes an amazing little boy!
    Happy Mother's Day!

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  33. Lovely post! I really respect what you guys are doing with Toby and he seems like a wonderful kid. Seriously, can we beat up the haters? Because they suck. Creepy people on the internet! Happy Mother's Day! You are doing a great job with that cutie :)

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  34. I had a Bichon growing up, too! She was the best partnerin crime a girl could have. I still miss her so much! I can't imagine being a kid without a dog.

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  35. This is such a beautiful post Kaelah, and I'm so happy for you and your family. Toby seems like such an amazing little boy and I wish you the best during this exciting journey :)

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  36. The pictures of Toby and Pip make my heart melt. I love how he just holds onto her and she's so willing to let him love on her. I can tell they're good buds.
    I have a friend in a similar situation as you (the step mom role) and she doesn't get near the credit she deserves. I'm glad there's someone out there showing that even as a step mom, you do a LOT of work. It's not just being with the father who happens to have a kid. You're a HUGE part of the kids life as well. You're doing a great job Kaelah!
    Abby

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  37. Aww, those pictures of Toby are making my ovaries ACHE! You both sound like you're doing a wonderful job- he's so lucky to have you. Have a wonderful first mother's day with your beautiful family!

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  38. Happy Mother's Day. OMG Toby is gorgeous. He's going to be a little heartbreaker ;). You sound you love him so much. Which is great. It doesn't matter that you're not his biological mother.

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  39. I have to say that this post made me smile for so many reasons, the main one being that I can totally feel the love that you all share as a family, pups included. It's not all too often that I comment on blogs anymore (I'm so terrible at that!), but I couldn't not comment here today. Regardless of what anyone ever says, you have to know in your heart that you are doing the best you can. This is a learning experience, as I imagine being a parent for the first time or anytime really is, you are all learning from each other and that is a beautiful thing. More than understanding what it's like to be the parent of a toddler I think we all need to do our best to understand that this human experience we're having in this life is new to all of us, and all we can do is live and learn and put our best foot forward in all that we do. Toby is so blessed to have you as his step-mama and so blessed to have Mike as his papa, he has come into your life in this way for a reason and you have to believe that it is for the best. And seriously...how blessed are you to have him with you now? Give thanks. You are doing a great job, don't forget that!
    Happy Mother's Day to you, sweet girl!

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  40. This post made me cry, for so many reasons. It's clear from reading your blog that you're an amazing stepmom, with so much love to give to Toby. Posts like this have really made me smile in the last week, as in about two months I'm going to be a mama myself! No matter what the circumstances were that led to Toby living with you and Mike, he truly is lucky to have the two of you in his life! Keep up the good work doll, and most importantly, keep having fun!

    xo

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  41. You're doing a great job Kaelah. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    Love

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  42. Happy Mother's Day, Kaelah! I can't believe it's only been 2.5 months. Seems like Toby has been a part of your family forever. xo

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  43. This is lovely! hanks for sharing the joy.

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  44. Kaelah, I constantly marvel at how well you are handling this. As a 23 year old I can't even imagine taking on such a terrifying (but clearly wonderful) life change. I have nothing but respect for you and Mike for tackling this head on and doing a completely incredible job in the process! I love the idea of Toby saying "yes sir" and "yes ma'am" (so old fashioned but totally awesome).

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  45. OMG *wipes tears* this is so beautiful and ahhhhh YAY!
    Also as an observer via this and twitter is seems like Toby has been around so much longer!! awwwww!

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  46. Happy Mothers Day.
    This post was so wonderful, Toby is so lucky to have such loving parents. It is nice to hear how much he has grown in such little time, you are doing a wonderful job!
    Those pictures of him and the pups are so adorable they brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face.

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  47. Oh my gosh. This is so adorable. :) I'm so happy for you guys.

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  48. Cutest post, he's such a lucky little boy to have you guys be so devoted and wonderful to him <3 Especially as a step mother, I'm sure it's different for a boy of his age, but I met my step mom when I was about 14 or 15 and I was so astounded to get along so well and to meet someone who cares so much about me now. You always suspect the step mother to be a step "monster", so it's nice to see that it's not true for Toby :)

    xo
    http://kittysnooks.blogspot.ca/

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  49. What a perfect Mother's Day post Kaelah.

    I just adore Toby! He is such a cute lil dude and I am so happy you are sharing his life with us. I know its a scary thing now a days as you never know who is reading. I am so sorry that you've dealt with the snarky remarks. sickening,

    The pictures of him and the pets always melt my heart. That 1st one of him and Pip, oh my. makes me tear up too! too emotional here haha... but I am like you, I know what it is like to have a doggie best friend. <3

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  50. aw this is such a lovely post!

    I was wondering because I'm a month old followering and wanted to know your story with toby and your fiancee

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  51. What a lovely post, and what a happy looking little boy! As a Mumma myslf the idea of anyone saying something horrible about little ones fills me with disgust. But be sure in this even from not knowing you or that little boy its plain to see your all doing a great job!
    Hope you had a lovley mothers day!x

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  52. Happy Mother's Day! Love the post :)

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  53. Hey Kaelah, Thanks for sharing this post.

    You're making a difference in Toby's life and that is all that matters, haters are gonna hate, but it is cowards that hate on children.

    =)

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  54. You are a wonderful step mama. I have a 2.5yo as well and even though I was pregnant with her and have been with her almost every day since there are still so many days when I feel completely unprepared for what she throws at me (sometimes literally, ha!) You are doing a great job and I am continually impressed with you.

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  55. This is absolutely wonderful. I'm so glad things are going well for you and your family. It sounds like Toby is a great addition, even if challenging (maybe even because he's challenging at times). Congrats!

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  56. Kudos to you ms b!!! You are one hell of a mama, & i am proud to be one of your long time readers. The world would be a much kinder place if there were more women like you!! Hold fast mama, the judgement doesn't lessen but your confidence in being an outstanding mama will negate it soon enough. It makes my heart smile what you have selflessly done for "your " son, and he is yours love. Being a mama has nothing to do with blood or biology ...its all about love baby! Keep up the good work, you are making the world a better place<3

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  57. Kudos to you ms b!!! You are one hell of a mama, & i am proud to be one of your long time readers. The world would be a much kinder place if there were more women like you!! Hold fast mama, the judgement doesn't lessen but your confidence in being an outstanding mama will negate it soon enough. It makes my heart smile what you have selflessly done for "your " son, and he is yours love. Being a mama has nothing to do with blood or biology ...its all about love baby! Keep up the good work, you are making the world a better place<3

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  58. Toby is the cutest little dude - all these pictures of him with the animals, napping & cuddling & just being cute, they are KILLING me. Every kid needs a bff pet, Toby & Pip are so lucky to have each other :)

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  59. Happy mothers day Kayla you and Mike are doing a great job there couldn't be a better set of parents to raise Toby.

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  60. whoever wrote those nasty comments about toby is seriously delusional. get a grip people

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  61. Awww such a sweet post! You two definitely seem to love that little cutie unconditionally. The pictures of him are SO STINKIN' CUTE! Just from reading your posts, it seems like you've done a great job of adapting to the roll of full-time parents. I hope you had a fantastic mother's day :)

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  62. Hope you had a great mothers day! Sounds like you two are doing a great job!

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  63. I know I'm almost a week late, but I can absolutely understand so much of what you're saying. I'm not a mom, yet, but I help my girlfriend with her 2 and 4 year-old boys a few times a month. I love those boys like no one's business! Watching them grow amazes me! Every new word, every new ability, even the tantrums... I don't know, it just becomes a part of you. I think it's amazing that you and Mike are able to welcome him into your home and take such good care of him. He's a lucky little boy to be in a creative, accepting, and loving home. Especially because every little boy needs a dog :)

    I feel like there are no words to really describe what I want to say so I'll just say CONGRATULATIONS on your new mom-hood!

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  64. Sorry this is late but I just wanted to drop in and say, you're gonna make such a difference in this little boys life! Don't let the haters get you down!

    <3 Sarah
    theantiquepearl.blogspot.com

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HEY! Thanks for dropping by. xo KB