last night at work was rather busy. we luckily had quite a crowd. the night went by rather quickly and i was on my way to good ol' Hohenwald. it felt nice to crawl into bed in my childhood room (which has since been revamped... but mom painted it peach & its full of ruffles! oh my! its like a dollhouse!). i was woken up by my silly dog Charlie and my mom at the door ushering me to breakfast. a home cooked meal! so rare for me these days haha the weather outside is beautiful so i'm waiting on my laundry to finish so i can go outside and enjoy it. i had to leave baby G at home and it breaks my heart. i miss her so. she always has fun back here with Charlie and Lacey. but anyway...
i've gotten a few questions regarding my changed facebook status and removal of the photos of adam and i on my myspace... i have prayed about some things over the past few days/week and i've come to the decision that i needed to part ways for good with adam. yes, i know we only got back together legitimately in the past few months but he and i are both battling things that are so much bigger than ourselves. i'll simply say no, distance was not the ending factor. yes, adam was the boy i thought and expected to spend the rest of my life with. i would have been happy with that. that was my "plan"... but sometimes plans don't work out, and the one person you think is "the one" is really just "the one to teach you a few things"... adam taught me so much in three years. he taught me that i cannot make myself a victim of my past, he taught me how to love someone unconditionally, he taught me how to DO rather than try, he taught me how to hold on and most importantly, he taught me how to let go. i love adam with every fiber of my being and i'll always care for him. he was my first love and he will be the one i compare everyone to, regardless of my desire for or against this. however, sometimes its both naive and ignorant to stay with someone simply because you love them. i harbor no ill-will towards him and i wish him nothing but happiness and success in his future. however, i can neither help, nor save, someone who is unwilling to help himself. it was a very hard decision and it was one that i thought i'd regret, but as i woke up thursday morning i was greeted with a sense of satisfaction, contentment, and a lifted spirit. it was my decision, and it is one i do not regret. i'm merely writing this so that no one here thinks that i am lying or misleading them by anything i say about love and relationships, etc etc.
what does this mean for me? who knows. it means happiness and friends and laughter and flirting and an open heart and mind. i am open and ready to meet someone who can make me laugh and texts me all hours of the night even if just to say hello, doesnt mind my cheesy romantic comedies and the fact that i cry during the new at&t commercial (the one with the little girl and lost dog.. yeah... you know you felt it, too!).
it's going to be a scary venture, jumping back into the world of dating and flirting and all that jazz, because to put it frankly, i'm not good at any of that mess. i'm shy and awkward and i can't flirt to save my life haha however, i am so ready for this chapter and i know that it is going to be filled with so many amazing people, places and adventures.
it also reiterates my belief and understanding that everyone doesn't have the same sequence of events in their lives. many (read: most) old friends are married and parents of multiple children. some have been divorced, others have met their "soul mates"... all in due time. just because i wasn't meant to meet the man of my dreams at age 21 doesn't mean he isnt out there. i was once friends with a girl who married the second boy she ever "dated"... the first real boyfriend. more power to her. maybe some consider that a "fairytale"... but not me. i've been kicked to the bottom and i've felt the absolute worst heartache i think i could ever handle... but i've bounced back from it. i've learned from everything i've felt. i now know how to handle situations like that and in the future, i'll be able to handle other shitty boyfriends and broken hearts... it's destined to happen. so for that i consider myself lucky. i am strong woman because i've felt these things.
everything happens for a reason and i welcome this new phase of my life with open arms. i'm so very excited about my purpose. if you're nursing a broken heart, i promise you one thing... you WILL get through this. there ARE good people out there. you will be loved and you will be appreciated.
and as the quote goes
"i can settle down, but i won't settle."
find the one that is deserving of you. and don't let go. (and until then, flirt unabashedly! and if you've got any tips for your girl, let me know! hahaha)
xoxo
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I'm sorry to hear about you and adam.
ReplyDeleteBut it sounds like your dealing with it very well :)
keep up the amazing blog <3
15 months after the breakup, I still have days when it's hard to think about my first love.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it was true love, and yeah, if we had made better choices maybe we would've gotten married and grown old together. But I'm trying to realize that there's no such thing as what could've happened. He played his part in my life--it was a beautiful relationship--and now it's time to walk into the next chapter.
Love your honesty, hope things continue to get better for you.
Kaelah, I'm happy for you.
ReplyDeleteI know so many people who seem to have forgotten how to be bigger than their relationship. People who forget that they are individual people.
I know your heart will thank you for this.
You're going to have so much fun with your life. :)
thank you ladies! (well, i'm assuming the first poster was a lady... if you werent, thank you sir ;) hehe) you're all so very kind and sweet and this is exactly what my heart needs. i appreciate the support and well-wishes! and thank you for understanding my whining rants at times. i realize no one wants to read sappy posts but sometimes thats exactly what i need :P
ReplyDelete<3 <3 love you all.