questions answered! round 2!

this is going to be a long post. i apologize. but i just copied & pasted from my text/edit doc. a few questions still didnt get answered. sorrrrry! ill try to get them all soon though. gah i've been writing for what feels like days! enjoy! sorry they're so long winded!

------------------------------------

I feel that there is always something someone needs to be happy. Some key to happiness. What is your one thing, or more than on, you need to be happy?
family. plain & simple. the knowledge that my mother believes in me and supports me and loves me unconditionally is hands down my #1. always always always. i don't live my life to please her, however i do strive to make her proud of me. i strive to do things in her honor because she was not given the opportunities that i have been afforded. its almost as if she can live vicariously through me. our personalities are much different and even if she had been given the same opportunities, chances are likely she would have chosen a different path… and thats fine. but i'm able to show her a different trail. she may not agree with all of my decisions (e.g. my decision to tattoo a giant percentage of my body), but she always proves to me she loves me and supports me regardless. and she will defend me if anyone tries to say anything different.

------------------------------------

Who are your top 5 bands?
these change on the daily. that i can promise you. however, they're currently:
the reindeer section, the middle east, yeasayer, meiko, and the wooden sky. though i think a more accurate depiction can be made by viewing my last.fm profile for what i've been listening to :)

------------------------------------
what is the one thing that has affected your life the most?
different things for different days. certain things have repercussions that only show their grizzly head once in a blue moon. though i can say pretty confidently that the most resounding event has been cutting ties with my father. years of heartache and frustration seeping into my relationship with my mother (she raised me as a single parent for 18 years), my relationship with every boy i've ever dated (and most prominently my relationship with adam), and even my relationship with myself. however it is not something i think i'm missing out on. my step father is such an amazing man and i'd be proud to call him Dad any day. and i'm so very lucky to have adam in my life because he has taught me so much. both and he and my mother have taught me that regardless of how someone treated you in the past, you cannot let it control how you treat other people. it took a lot of mistakes, a lot of angry phone calls and a lot of miscommunication with the ones that i love to realize that you are what you love, not what loves you back.

------------------------------------
How do you deal with a long distance relationship? Also, have there ever been times where you've been bored or felt "blah" in a relationship? How do you get past that?
i guess its best to break these into part A and part B.

part a: how do i deal with a long distance relationship? i'm trying to answer that question myself. i have no idea. it gets harder with every passing minute. at least thats the way it currently feels. to think i was kissing adam goodbye at the airport only ten days ago blows my mind. it feels like an eternity since i've seen him. i'm hoping that if all goes as planned i'll be able to fly back out in roughly 4 weeks when finals are over. i've learned very quickly it takes a lot of money, a lot of patience, and a lot of trust and understanding to even begin trying to make it work. its so intimidating but i'm determined to make it work. it's been made a slight bit easier because we both have macs (i took him my white macbook on my last trip and left it with him) so we can videochat. it may seem silly but even when we sit there with ichat open and poke around the internet simultaneously (only every once in a while saying "whatcha doing?"), it makes it feel like we're together. its just as it would be. sitting there, exploring the interwebz together but separately. by all means, if anyone has any suggestions on ways to make a long distance relationship work, please send them my way. i'm a n00b.

part b) have i ever felt "blah" in a relationship? oh my yes. have i ever. even in my relationship with adam. i think at the end of the road last year before we broke up we were both just kicking a dead horse. both of us felt tired and worn out, not inspired at all. but unfortunately it's not an easy question to answer as to HOW to fix it. obviously we made some questionable decisions while trying to deal with it but sometimes some time apart can really benefit the relationship. other times its just a passing phase. however, i do think it is something that should be acknowledged between the two of you. its supposed to be a partnership. you shouldn't ever feel like you're battling something on your own.

------------------------------------

What's the worst movie you ever seen? It could be recent or it could be from the 1920's or whatever. What's the best movie you've ever seen, too?
okay, so cast your stones if you feel so inclined but i sat there TWICE and tried to watch twilight and i'm just going to throw it all out there… i feel asleep. both times. thats right, fell asleep. not even 1/4 of the way through it. don't get me wrong, i WANTED to like it.. i really did. i was afraid i was going to get sucked into all the hype and fangirldom but i assure you i did no such thing. everyone tells me to read the books, i don't have time. i don't want to read the books. i like what i like and i don't think i could get into twilight books. however, i really want to get into the movie so i can have things in common with 95% of my girl friends. sad, i know.

but the best movie? hmmm… not the best movie EVER, necessarily, but for the moment. i don't care how many times i see it, i can sit here and watch the proposal with ryan reynolds and sandra bullock over and over and over again. and never ever get sick of it. true story. i just love both of them as actors. can't help it. and the humor is just good. its sweet, its funny. a+ from me! and i typically like any movie that paul rudd is in so any of his movies get my vote as well :D *drool* ha!

------------------------------------

i feel extremely uncomfortable around my friends due to the fact that they are way skinnier than me. I've been on the heavy side since junior high and i can't seem to loose the weight. I took focalin for two weeks and lost fifteen pounds but it was an unhealthy habit. What do you honestly think i should do to lose the weight ?
well first off i'll just say this, your body is amazing. it does wonderful things for you. it makes you able to run and jump and swim and enjoy daily life. you should take care of it. almost all of us are guilty of taking it for granted, filling it with unhealthy, greasy, and way-too-sugary foods, but you should appreciate it for what it is, too. instead of praying for a miracle or ingesting diet pills, you should find something active that you really love to do. (for me, its the stairmaster thingy at the gym. haha thats not even remotely the right terminology but whatever!). i typically do 15 flights of stairs in 5 minutes, run off to another machine and then return for another 15 flights. repeat as necessary. and exercise releases endorphins which make you happy and when you're happy you can learn to really love your body and then you'll start pushing yourself at the gym and voila! a whole new you! but you have to do it the healthy way. i've done it the unhealthy way before, too. but it's all going to come back. i type this and think to myself i could have used my free evening tonight to go to the gym but i didn't. i wish i would have. i always feel like i can conquer the world after i work out. get some good tunes and just go for a walk even! invite some friends over and rent some awesomely cheesy workout dvds from the 90s or something and just make a night of it! just make it fun! :D

------------------------------------

why did you decide to go to the college you are at now?
the embarrassing truth is that i did NOT want to go to O'more when i graduated high school. A rep from O'more came to my high school one day for a college fair and my guidance counselor who i was fairly close with insisted that i give it a shot. She had a former student go to O'More for interior design and yadda yadda yadda. she took it upon herself to basically apply for me. I had my heart set on FIT (Fashion Institute of Technology in NYC). I applied to FIT for the Fashion Merchandising program as part of Early Decision, meaning I'd hear whether I was accepted or not come February. Months rolled by and the day came… my acceptance package to FIT for the Fall of 2006! I remember calling all of my friends and crying with delight that I had gotten into my #1 pick… however reality soon set in… My mother was a single parent and even though my dad has enough padding in his pockets to build a coliseum, there was no way he'd ever pay for me to go to college. I soon received an acceptance letter to every other college I applied to, even O'More. And with the O'more acceptance letter came a full ride scholarship based on merit and academics. I graduated with a 3.8 GPA (out of a possible 4.0) but unfortunately did not get enough in scholarships to get me to FIT. Housing alone was more expensive than actual tuition. And my parents were not thrilled with the idea of me moving to NYC on my own at 18. So it was, I would go to O'more and take the full ride and major in Fashion Design and Merchandising. blah blah blah, so i did, i loved it, fell in love with the school but hated fashion design so after my freshman year i switched to visual communications (graphic design) and i've been in that program ever since. (3 years strong! i'm in my 4th year at o'more and i have 2 semesters left!) i'm so happy i came here and it was a true blessing in disguise. being on a tiny campus and there being only 200 of us in the entire college is awesome. that was long winded, but that is how i ended up at o'more.

------------------------------------

what kind of sports (if any) did you play while in high school?
my mother played softball from the time she could walk basically up until she was 4 months pregnant with me. so it was safe to say softball would be in my future. (c'mon now… have you seen the size of my calves?!? yeah.. its pretty darn apparent that i lead a life of sports… even if i hate the after effects hahaha) i played softball from the time i was 4 years old (hey tee-ball!) up until i was 18. i played both summer dixie league as well as for my high school (shortstop was my position). i also did cheerleading for both basketball and football from the age of 4 up until the age of 14. i don't really look like the cheerleading type, i know. but back in the day i did. i gave up cheerleading at age 14 to start playing volleyball the year they founded the team at my junior high school. i was in 8th grade and i made varsity. in fact, not to brag, the first volleyball game i ever played, i served the winning 8 points with aces. pretty effin' stoked. i played volleyball from 8th grade all the way through high school. it is hands down my favorite sport to play and i'd love to get involved with an intramural team. (i'm only 5'2 so back row was my placeeeee. i served and also played as a Defensive Specialist)

------------------------------------

What are your views towards Online Relationships?
i've never been in one myself, but i can safely say that i've met all three of my best friends via the internet. i've also met so so so many close and amazing friends via the internet. i was friends with casey on myspace for a year and a half or two years before we actually ever hung out and met. he lived in kansas and i was in tennessee. we were friends for 5 years strong. i met jessica through livejournal and we were penpals for years before i actually met her in san francisco in 2007. she drove up 9 hours to meet me when i flew out there with adam. and i met shannon through a local music forum and we met a few weeks later at a show. i've been best friends with all 3 for 5-6 years. it can do amazing things for you. just don't be naive about it :)

------------------------------------

Are you ever sad or lonely?
even though i'm surrounded by some of the most amazing people 90% of the time, i still find it very easy to feel both sad and lonely. but i try to turn it into something positive so its somewhat productive. when i feel either of those things i try to get creative. i make playlists and mixtapes or i paint or draw or doodle. sometimes i sew or clean. if i'm going to feel these things then i want to channel them into something bigger. it usually works wonders :D

------------------------------------

How do you make friends?
contrary to popular belief, i am one of the shyest human beings on the planet. its so hard for me to make friends because i can tend to be very introverted at first. i'm always toting my cellphones in my hand so that when the awkward moment arises, i can text someone or at the very least, PRETEND i'm texting. c'mon… you've done it too, AMIRITE?! OR AM I RIGHT?! haha however i'm finding it a little easier to break out of my shell. if someone is listening to an awesome song or band or if they're wearing something totally fabulous, i try to make it known to them. now, that doesn't mean i feed false compliments. i'm not one to flatter people for the sake of flattery or for the hope that it will be reciprocated. i'm 110% genuine in what i'm saying if i say it. but this is another one of those things where i could DEFINITELY take some pointers haha

------------------------------------

What do you think about when sitting in class?
any and everything. honest. i'm lucky because in my major (graphic design) we have our computers in every class. so usually i'm poking around the interwebz when i should be concentrating, etc. my mind is always a big jumbled mess so i keep my pocket sized moleskin with me at all times and i just jot everything that comes to mind in it so i can keep up with it. i call it my little book of ideas. i just filled my last page up tonight. meaning i need to go buy a new one tomorrow :D i should write that on the back cover so i don't forget! hahaha

you are aware you're gorgeous, Right?
that is incredibly flattering, thank you <3

------------------------------------

why dont you ever wear skinny jeans? i always see you in boot cut.
then you don't look hard enough :) the truth of the matter is i hardly wear jeans ever. ever ever ever. i'm not a huge fan of them and i'd rather be in dresses. but here, to tickle your fancy, is a picture of me in skinny jeans. hello thighs! :D

------------------------------------

Where do you get all of your inspiration?
tumblr is a huge source of inspiration. just jumping from one username tag to the next. it is a huge spiderweb of inspiration just waiting to be uncovered.

------------------------------------
i dont even know what i want to ask you. i would love to know what goes on inside that pretty little head of yours because your quotes, photos, experiences are relatable but at the same time inspiring.. and i wish i had a mind as free as yours to open up to the sky
it's all a matter of putting your mind to it. i refuse to be restricted by the fences people build around themselves. its worth breaking free from. some people will undoubtedly spend their whole lives trying to fence you into your own little world or at the very least, keeping you out of theirs. don't be afraid to offend people with how you think or what you feel. your opinions and beliefs have merit simply based on the fact that they are pure and honest and 100% yours. and you should never forget you are capable of absolutely anything you set your mind to. cliche as it may be, its cliche because its true. :) <3

------------------------------------

What do you think about kissing on the first date, and just sexual relationships. Would that be something for you?
well i don't really know what to think about this question. would sexual relationships be something for me in general? is that what you're asking? as far as kissing on the first date, there is no right or wrong answer for that. every single situation is different and its all about how you feel in the situation. and as far as sexual relationships go, i'm happily committed and if i needed any of that, i'm sure i could get it. :)

------------------------------------

When you have a boyfriend, do you ever get jealous if you're around his ex girlfriends or girls he's slept with? I know its an ex for a reason. Its just an awkward feeling and I hate feeling insecure and jealous. I'm trying to work on it. I know I'm not an ugly girl and I have nothing to worry about. Just "what if" stuff.
honeychild let me tell you one thing… you're human. you're subject to bouts of jealousy and insecurity just like the next person. i'm sure he would/does get jealous when around your exes… but i can 100% agree with you. i definitely find myself in those situations. i know adam loves me more than he has ever ever ever dreamt of ever loving another girl, but even so, i find myself feeling catty or insecure in the presence of (or even conversation of!) another girl. but that is just human nature. you're not alone and its nothing to be ashamed of. its something we all must experience. :)

------------------------------------

What exactly did you do after high school to prepare you for now? How did you get your internship at bust?
man oh man! if theres one thing i feel right now its ILL PREPARED! i promise you that. i think about the fact i have 2 semesters of college left until i'm thrust out into the "real world" and it takes everything i've got not to just break down and scream. i'm always learning, always trying to better myself in some way, etc. but as far as my internship at bust goes, how did i get it? lots of emails. lots of nice, sweet, persistent emails. with bust, i knew exactly what i wanted. i wanted to work for a smart, funny, sarcastic women's lifestyle magazine that not only empowered me, but empowered millions of women around the world. i was determined. and luckily my determination and persistence paid off.

my advice to any and everyone looking for an internship: set your sights high. know exactly what you want and don't settle for less. go for it. grab it by its horns and give it 110%. thats exactly what i did (even when i spend 1/4 of my internship couped up in my far-too-tiny apartment with tonsillitis and pericoronitis)… so they asked me to return this next summer. i'm going to give it 200% this time. be eager, be enthusiastic, be willing to do any and everything, be willing to learn… but most of all, BE HUMBLE. (i def felt the humility one day on the job but it turned into a silly little joke and it passed… but be willing to admit when you're wrong. thats a story for another day hahaha)

------------------------------------

Are You Secretly Racist?
not that i'm aware of. although i can safely say that we all have prejudices… even when we don't want to and even when we don't acknowledge them. its so sad and i hate that thats the way it is… but thats just it… thats the way it is. however i neither condone, nor tolerate, the use of racial slurs in my presence. my father is heavily racist and it would break my heart every time i heard him say such a word.

------------------------------------

what kind of car do you drive?
i drive an incredibly dirty, and a WAYYYYY-TOO-SMALL silver 2006 Pontiac Solstice convertible. it was my high school graduation present from my parents. i was hellbent and in love with that car. it took us 8 months to find one (it was a first year model and leave it to donald trump to make america go crazy for them) but i can say this… i was naive and ignorant. this car is tiny. beautiful but impractical. its a 2 seater, 18" wheels, subwoofer in the trunk so nothing else fits, etc. but i get a lot of compliments on it. i'd rather be driving a white Land Rover LR3 but we can all dream, right? Chamillionaire's "Ridin' Dirty" was the first song that played in it when i got in to drive it away. It has been my car's theme song ever since. heres what my girl Delilah looks like:

------------------------------------

what is something you criticize about yourself too often or lately?
different things for different days. it could be physical or it could be mental. sometimes i get down on myself for not giving 100% in my school work, other days i hate the fact that my butt is too big or my thighs too round or my hair is too nappy. daily battles and daily struggles, but then i remember i should not take myself for granted and it puts a lot in perspective.

------------------------------------

How long did you and Adam break up for? How upset were you? I'm in love with my boyfriend and I know that if we were to break up, I would feel completely hopeless and heart broken.
adam and i were technically "broken up" for 11 months. however even in that 11 months (which felt like an eternity, and my mother made the mistake of thinking we were apart for 2 years today!), the longest we ever went without seeing or speaking to each other was 6 weeks. different points in the breakup called for different stages. there was the "i refuse to see or speak to him or acknowledge his presence" stage, there was the "adam and kaelah hanging out and being bff and talking about new boy/girlfriends" stage, there was the "adam comes over to cuddle and stay the night and be sweet but hes still not my boyfriend boyfriend" stage… we went through them all. it was a cycle. words cannot express how upset i was. i was hurt, i was sad, i was furious, i was vengeful, i was mean, i was all of these things and more. but most of all i was incredibly incredibly heartbroken and i felt like my life was caving in on me. there were several days where it was almost impossible to tear myself from my bed to even get a cup of coffee in the kitchen. i experienced every stage a few times. the regret, the denial, the anger, the heartache, the need for revenge, etc etc etc. and a silly little fact: i had grown so accustomed to sleeping in the same bed with him for 2 years that for the 2 months following our breakup, i had to sleep with the bathroom light on & the door cracked just-so, and position a body pillow beside me just so i could sleep at night. its tough to get through something like that, but the important part remains: you WILL get through it.

------------------------------------

what were you like in high school?
i wasn't homecoming queen but i wasn't a social outcast. i was voted as Most Likely to be Famous and Best Dressed my senior year (remind me the scan the pages one day.. they're ridiculous). i was an active member of both the volleyball and softball teams, i was a student ambassador, president and founder of the french club, i was a 4H honor club and all star member (holla!), i was basically editor of the school yearbook, i was in every club ever (except for FFA), and an active member and coordinator of all pep rallies. i was very very VERY involved with high school.. almost too much. but i loved every minute of it (except minutes spent in math. asd;fjsdlkf jal;sdfjk. yuck!). i took AP history classes as well as AP Biology. i graduated with a 3.8 GPA and with a Beta Club sash. I sang at graduation with 9 of my closest friends as part of Senior Chorus (we called ourselves ~The Chorus Superstars).. the truth is i can't carry a tune in a bucket but we sang songs from Rent. i shot way too much photography for the yearbook and i stayed after school and skipped way too many classes so i could sit in the library and edit my little heart out on the layouts of the senior pages. (i credit my love for graphic design to the fact i was enrolled in yearbook my freshman year… you had to be a junior to be in yearbook… even though i now realize i put a gross 2pt stroke on EVERYTHING and that was BAD! ha!) i always dated boys older than me and i made sure my locker was nice & neat & filled with photos of all of my favorite things. i really did love high school.. it wasn't a traumatic experience for me, and i'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. silly, i know.

------------------------------------

whats in your purse?
things i always have with me: way too many pens & pencils, 2 moleskin notebooks (my little book of ideas), my phones, my keys, gum… lots of it, tattoo cream (a&d ointment usually, & lotion), skittles, wallet, receipts crumpled up, loose change, a pair of earbuds, ponytail holders, makeup bag, perfume, zyrtec (my magic pill!), aleve, and q-tips. :) just to name what i can remember off the top of my head. someone asked for a picture of everything in my purse so stay tuned!

------------------------------------

what color is your hair dye? do you dye it yourself?
i do indeed dye it myself and in fact, i just bought new dye tonight so i can give you the exact specs on it. i use "L'Oreal Technique Excellence Hi-Color for DARK HAIR ONLY" in the hue "H8 RED FIRE". bought at Sally beauty supply. I use L'Oreal's 30 volume Oreor Creme developer (2.5 oz). :) and i only use shampoo & conditioner for red hair (John Frieda's Radiant Red is fairly inexpensive and can be bought at a drugstore)

------------------------------------

WOW! thanks for reading if you did :) and a big thanks if you submitted any questions. i hope i got around to answering it for you! thats enough of that for now! haha

xo

2 comments:

  1. "you are what you love, not what loves you back."

    I totally love that

    ReplyDelete

HEY! Thanks for dropping by. xo KB