// Lessons in Parenting v.1

Yesterday was Toby's first day of pre-K! I know I just sound like a broken record here, but we were all so excited. School has been all he could talk about ever since we went to enroll him back in April. Each day started with an excited question: "Is today the day I go to school, Mom?" Sure, it was a bit exhausting sometimes (the whole "time stamp" mindset is still a little bit lost on him. I mean, he is only 4 afterall) but I think we were all ready to pack up his bag and send him on his merry way. This morning came so quickly. 6:30am and we were all rolling out of bed. Yow! I guess those days are officially here... Sign me up for the Early Risers (Against My Will) Club. He had a full on case of bedhead but that didn't stop him from shimmying on his shoes and tossing on his backpack to head out. We had to snap a few "first day" photos like every other parent in the world. Once we walked him to his classroom and signed him in, he was totally unattached. He barely took a second to give us hugs goodbye! He was so enchanted by his class' "Morning Boxes" and the other children running around the room. We kissed his head and said our goodbyes. There it was... he was at school!

On more than one occasion I've thought about what life would be like once my kiddos' first day of school came. Would I be that parent that couldn't let go? Would I cry in front of everyone? Would my kid be equally as attached? Would (s)he scream and cry and miss me all day? It couldn't have been more different. Sure, it was a little bittersweet to see him feel so "grown up," but at the same time it was so rewarding. Kind of like a figurative pat on the back. "You're doing something right!" Ya know what I mean? I know we're raising an independent little dude, and I love that about him. But sometimes those random "I love you, Dad (/Mom)" hugs and snuggles when they're feeling under the weather sort of give your life purpose in a weird way. I think everyone likes to feel needed... it doesn't matter who. Now I'm rambling, but whatever.

Mike and I pulled back into the driveway at 7:45am. Seven forty-five! In the morning! I was dressed. I had on (a very tiny bit of) makeup. I was awake! (That was the real doozy!) We sat down in the living room and just looked around. I think after a few minutes we just looked at each other and said "Well, no what?" (Actually, that's not entirely true. Mike spilled an entire mug of coffee on my Xterra's radio on our way home, so I actually sulked into the house without saying anything as to allow myself time to "get over it" ha - It's all good though! He took out a fuse, let it dry out, and now it's good as new. Phew! I didn't stay mad long.) 8:30 came around. Then 9:30. Then 10:30. Then we decided we wanted breakfast, so we ate. Then 11:30. And so and so on. We did nothing! Like, literally nothing all day. We were just so... confused? Maybe that's the wrong word to use, but after 18 months of having him at home with us all day long, it felt so weird to sit in silence. We didn't have to formulate ways to channel his energy when we had things to do. We didn't have to ask him to shut his door because he was playing loudly. It was just quiet. I think we needed yesterday so we could just start to process it all.

Anyone who doesn't have kids might just side-eye me and think I'm being overdramatic and waxing poetic about his first day. And maybe I am. But it's such a special time for our little family. Knowing that we're able to keep a kid alive (ha!) and teach him enough to make him feel confident and comfortable in a school environment. We've managed to mold him into someone who doesn't believe in strangers (they're just friends he hasn't met yet). I think a childlike approach to life (love, learning, friends, etc) is what we all need. Sometimes I think making friends as an adult is too hard... but maybe we're just overcomplicating things. That's a conversation for another time.

We picked him up from school just a few minutes after 2:30 yesterday. He was waking up from his nap, except he didn't sleep at all... Instead of spending the hour of naptime napping, he chatted up a little girl on the mat next to him. We walked to the car, talked about all of his new friends and what he did at recess. He told us about his breakfast and lunch, and showed us his raccoon puppet that he made out of a brown sandwich bag and construction paper. We made sure to write the date on the back of his puppet because I know I want to have that little memento forever. Before we know it he's going to be graduating high school and moving on to bigger and better things. Well, last night he said that he never wants to move away. He wants to live with us in our house forever because if he moves away he won't be our son anymore. We quickly explained to him differently, but he wasn't having it. I'll just let him think he'll live with us forever (for now)... but we all know he'll be fighting to get out before we're ready. One day at a time...

Today's lesson in parenting: time flies.

PS; Isn't his shark backpack the most adorable ever? (It was the one I used when I lived in NYC) He says he had the coolest backpack in his class, and all of his "friends thought it was a real shark and it was going to eat them." How precious are 4 year olds?! (You can get this backpack online, btw!)

PPS; Maybe this will be a new series/feature every once in a while. Maybe it won't. I never know what will stick. But I like talking about Toby here... even if we're the only ones who read it. I know I'll cherish these moments down the road.

// A Sappy One

I've been having a time of it lately... Trying to process watching Toby grow up before our very eyes. To think back a year and a half ago now (wow!) to when we got custody... he was so timid and quiet. His personality had yet to really blossom. Now he's constantly on the move. He has reasoning ability and opinions. He understands his actions have repercussions. And he's so very polite (even if it kills me, he'll be polite!)

Now the title "Mommy" is reserved for when he's upset, for whatever reason. In the general day by day I'm simply "Mom" and that's okay. My heart breaks just a little when I think about how much he's grown up. I miss that sweet little chubby face from when he was barely a year old. But at the same time I cherish the conversations I have with him now. My heart swells when he asks to ride along to run tedious errands with me. Every morning he greets me with "Hey mom, want me to check the mail for you?" He'll lend a helping hand at home without even realizing it's typically considered more of a "chore" than simply being kind. But that's just who he is... kind. 

All of these thoughts and emotions started rushing over me when I picked him up from our bed the other night (where he fell asleep) and carted him over to his room. I laid him down, tucked him (and Jumpy, his kangaroo) in, and kissed his forehead (no need to push his hair back now that it's all gone! Ah, that's a whole other can of worms!) I whispered "I love you" as I started to pull away and he wrestled around and murmured "I love you, too". Well, to be fair it was more of a "eih lohh eh too" haha, but I knew what he was saying. 

He's never going to be this small again, and I'm trying my best to make sure I cherish each and every moment. Even the ones where he's kicking and screaming up a storm because he simply doesn't understand something. Despite how easily I may become frustrated on certain days, I pinch myself constantly because I know just how lucky I am. Mike and Toby have given me the very best gift of all, and that's the gift of being a mom. I wasn't given the gift of motherhood by biology, but that doesn't mean I don't feel it 110% in my heart. Toby has taught me so very much about life in the past year. I know we're in each other's lives for a reason.

What an amazing little man.

Sit Here for a While

Imagine the feeling of being totally overwhelmed by to do lists, decisions, and life in general (We all experience it... probably more than we'd care to admit!), then all of a sudden everything seems to clear out and calm down... You still have a laundry list of things to get done, you still haven't decided one way or the other on anything, and life is just as crazy as it ever was, but it doesn't seem to matter. The worry is gone. I like that feeling.

I'm pretty sure I mastered the art of worrying in college. Especially in my early years. I could (and still can, on occasion) find the most mundane thing to be troublesome. It's almost as if I lived for the stress. The past few years (and a whole lot of help from Mike) have really helped me see that it's not healthy. And that's it's okay to just "go with it" for a bit. Worrying does absolutely no good. Sometimes I have to slow down and remind myself of that.

KB, You know better than to worry so much. Stop the stress. Chill out. All that stress is just a roadblock for productivity and action. Love, KB.

Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.-Benjamin Franklin

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. -Elbert Hubbard

What do you do to de-stress? What helps remind you to slow down and relax?

Begin Again...

I've been thinking a lot about life lately... 

First off, thanks for all of your sweet comments (and emails, tweets, etc) about my little cry sesh at work. As silly as it sounds I think everyone should have to work in a service industry (especially food/beverage) for at least a week. Just one week would totally change their attitude about how they treat others. Most of the time they may not even realize they're doing it. The best dating advice I ever received: Never date anyone who is rude to his/her sever. That's how they'll treat you in 6 months! Someone on Tumblr said it better than I could have... they said that sometimes people just dehumanize us when they're being served. It's so very true. Ever since taking my job bartending when I was 18, I've made a conscious effort to try and tip well (or even over-tip)... even when the service is less than perfect. I've never worked in a restaurant setting as a server. I can't imagine the hustle and bustle of trying to remember everything. I applaud each and every one of you who work in settings like that. 

My little upset-schpeal wasn't brought on just by the lack of tipping or the incredibly rude crowd that was there Friday night. Instead, it was a culmination of various events and feelings that just sort of happened. My ABC license (to bartend) expired a few days ago. Five years. I have been there over five years already. (Five years, one month, and three weeks actually). I never in a million years thought I'd stay that long. Even the other bartender Angie made me promise to get the heck out of dodge when I graduated college. I'm not at a place where I can quit yet. It may only be 10 hours a week but it provides job security, earnings of more than a 40 hour a week job, and it affords me the entire work week to do things I actually do love. I get to blog, work on my shoppe, read business books and formulate a real business plan. Just knowing that I have to go get re-certified is sort of a slap in the face because I never intended on being there this long. Here I am with a college degree and I'm serving alcohol 10 hours a week. It was sort of a wake up call. I hadn't been happy with my work situation for quite a while. I don't mind the job itself, I love my co-workers, and I try not to complain too much because I know that I'm very fortunate to have the job that I do (especially in this economy). But no amount of money or spare time is going to give me the happiness that I seek professionally. I know exactly what I want to do, and I'm working on a plan to get there. That's something that I can't wait to share with you all. You've been so supportive all along and I hope that this is something that you'll experience with me. 

(♥)

I've felt loads better about the whole thing because as soon as I woke up Saturday morning I started thinking of what actions I needed to take to get where I want to go. My brain has been a'buzz with so much clamor and commotion since then. The inspiring kind! Friday night was a revelation of sorts. I think I'd rather struggle for a little while trying to make my dream job come to life than to sit back and watch it all pass by so I can work 10 hours a week. The (semi)formal business plan writing starts today! I'm fortunate to come from a family of entrepreneurs and business-minded people. I plan to seek each and every one of their advice, guidance and opinions. With a notebook full of ideas, I'm going to read and re-read every business book I have available and I'm going to stop waiting for the right time to show up. This whole time I've had the mentality of "Oh in the future..." or "someday..." I'm over it. Today is someday, right?! Why not! I don't want to look at the weekend as something I dread because I have to go to a job that is less than fulfilling. I want to look at it as a high traffic opportunity to share my dream with others and to bring true pride to my life. Even my freelance graphic design work isn't bringing me the feeling I had hoped for. So I'll try and try again! I'll work at it until I get it right! I hope that if you find yourself in a position that you're less than happy about, you don't just sit on the sidelines and let it continue. Before you know it you will have lost so much time. Even if your current situation only allots you two hours a week to scheme and dream, do it! Use those two hours for everything you can. No more reserved Kaelah! Who's with me?!

In Case You Were Wondering...

You are not your bra-size, nor are you the width of your waist, nor are you the slenderness of your calves. You are not your hair color, your skin color, nor are you a shade of lipstick. Your shoe-size is of no consequence. You are not defined by the amount of attention you get from males, females, or any combination thereof. You are not the number of sit-ups you can do, nor are you the number of calories in a day. You are not your mustache. You are not the hair on your legs. You are not a little red dress. You are no amalgam of these things. 

You are the content of your character. You are the ambitions that drive you. You are the goals that you set. You are the things that you laugh at and the words that you say. You are the thoughts you think and the things you wonder. You are beautiful and desirable not for the clique you attend, but for the spark of life within you that compels you to make your life a full and meaningful one. You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel, but for the volume of the soul it carries.

found.

Tips for Self Confidence

1. Do your homework.  
2. Stand up for yourself. 
3. Ask questions.  
4. Understand your personal core values.  
5. Love yourself.  
6. Believe.  
7. Tell yourself you can do it. 
8. Write down fears to see work needing to be done.  
9. Think positive
10. Be Prepared. 
11.  Celebrate small victories.
12.  Think the best of a situation.
13.  Do what comes natural to you.
14.  Manage the apprehension.
15.  Search for a mentor.
16.  Feel good about doing your best.
17.  Choose confident friends to hang out with.
18.  Ask what can be done better next time.
19.  Smile.
20.  Focus on the win and not the loss.
21.  Focus on what you can do instead of what you can’t.
22.  Focus on the effort instead of the struggle.
23.  Conduct a walk thru to see how comfortable you are with it.
24.  Relax take a deep breath.
25.  Do things that you’re good at.
26.  Ignore the voice telling you, you can’t.
27.  Stay active, Exercise.
28.  Help others.
29.  Learn to let go of the past.
30.  Dress well.  A nice suit, cool tie, awesome shoes.
31.  Make goals.
32.  Compliment other people.
33.  Set time aside to work on strengths and weaknesses.
34.  Implement good habits to boost self-confidence.
35.  Care less about what others think of you.
36.  Look people in the eye.
37.  Speak up. Be heard.
38.  When sitting, sit up straight.
39.  Own a confident walk.
40.  Join support groups.
41.  Take risks.
42.  Trust yourself.
43.  Make a decision, stick with it.

Will your day be lovely?

I think we should all make it a priority to try and do one of these things every single day. In fact, it wouldn't be too hard to do most of them every single day. Smile. Say thank you. Yes ma'am and no ma'am. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I love you, you're beautiful." A little bit goes a long way.

Here's to wishing you all a most magical Sunday! xo

Scariest Day of My Life...

I don't even know how to preface this entry without bawling hysterically. My Literature class ended early and I headed to the VisCom building to work for a little while. I left not too long after and headed home. Pipkin stays in her kennel upstairs while we are gone so she can be housebroken. Georgia stays downstairs and pretty much lays on the couch all day. After putting all of my stuff down I went upstairs to get Pip and take her potty. I opened the door and lost it. Pip had wiggled her way through her kennel somehow and got her head caught outside. She was just lying there... motionless. I thought for sure she was dead. I frantically ripped open her kennel and she just fell in my hands. I was screaming bloody murder as I ran downstairs with her in my arms. I rushed to get my phone and she was so limp. I grabbed my purse, rushed to the car, put her in my lap and called Mike three times and he finally answered (he was at work). All I could muster was "YOU HAVE TO COME HOME RIGHT NOW! COME HOME!" Well, imagine that with absolutely no coherence and speeding like crazy to the emergency vet. I mapped one on my phone and luckily it was half a mile down the street. I sped into a parking spot and ran inside with her. The lady at the desk got off the phone real quick and took her from me. I could barely stand up. I can't tell you how close to dead I thought she was. I have no idea how long she had been caught in her kennel. 

I had to fill out some paperwork after the vet attendant gave me my own room (I was hysterical in that place! Seriously). I couldn't even read what I was writing. The vet came in and assured me that he was taking care of her. I was sitting there roughly 30 minutes or so before Mike got there and then we both just bawled. The vet came in and told me she was doing better... that she was alive. She had an IV, oxygen, and a steroid shot. After about an hour he came in and brought her. She was walking.. sort of. She was sort of stumbling around. She was drugged up so she wasn't fully coherent. She also had a very very very swollen neck. She was responsive though! This was good! He told us his biggest fear was brain damage. I kept going over it in my head. Brain damage or not, I would love her all the same. He let us take her home then without any medicine and said to keep her bundled up and resting. After 2 hours of resting/sleeping on the couch, she has perked up, is totally responsive, and just took the toy shovel from Georgia! She also just crawled over into my lap. I'm even crying as I'm typing this because I was so  afraid that we had lost her. 

I don't know what that vet did but he saved her life. She's almost back to 100% and she's only been home 2 and a half hours. She's drinking water, walking around, playing... 

I couldn't even stomach the thought of losing her. She has become such a vital and important part of this family. My heart has never hurt as bad as it did today (except when Bert passed away). We kept looking for signs of brain damage, but she's perking her ears up at everything and coming when called, so we're crossing our fingers that she's going to make a full recovery. If you follow me on twitter and tweeted kind words our way, they are so appreciated and adored. Today has been a rough day.

She's our little miracle pup and I think that it has a lot to do with the positive thoughts and prayers sent our way. It scares me to think about having kids because I know things like this happen. It was no one's fault and Pip is just very ambitious. We thought we had avoided all of these possibilities by never kenneling her with a harness but oh puppies! They find their way into everything! 

Words cannot express how blessed I feel to be writing that she's okay and watching her play on the couch beside me. She's still a little bit loopy but that's just her personality! I definitely keep having these thoughts of "What if I hadn't left school when I did? What if I had come home earlier? Could I have prevented this? What if I didn't come home until later?" but I'm trying to not let the "what ifs" get me down. The truth of the matter is that she's here now, she's healthy, and she's loved loved loved. (Georgia just laid down beside her and put her nose to Pip's! I love my girls!)

Now we're going to spend some family time together and play around. I'll be back tomorrow. xo

42 Things... [a repost]

42 Things To Always Remember:

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

4. When you say, “I love you”, mean it.

5. When you say, “I’m sorry”, look the person in the eye.

6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

7. Believe in love at first sight.

8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.

9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it’s the only way to live life completely.

10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

11. Don’t judge people by their relatives.

12. Talk slowly, but think quickly.

13. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

15. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

16. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

17. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.

18. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

19. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

21. Spend some time alone.

22. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

23. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

24. Read more books and watch less TV.

25. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll get to enjoy it a second time.

26. Trust in God, but lock your car.

27. Create a loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.

28. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

29. Read between the lines.

30. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

31. Be gentle with the earth.

32. Pray. There’s immeasurable power in it.

33. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.

34. Mind your own business.

35. Don’t trust a man/woman who doesn’t close his/her eyes when you kiss.

36. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

37. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth’s greatest satisfaction.

38. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.

39. Learn the rules then break some.

40. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.

41. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

42. Remember that your character is your destiny.

[a few of these may be a bit outdated and of course they will vary in importance from person to person. there is no right or wrong, but these are merely depictions of wise words. as #3 says, don't believe all you hear or read.]

Celebrate You: Dress Up For Life!

I'm re-visiting some archived posts from when I had roughly 20 followers or so. Re-hashing life lessons and things I just feel like sharing with anyone who may have missed them. I've gone back and made minor changes... i.e. corrected grammar, and added bits here and there. Hopefully you'll enjoy it! ♥ 

Someone asked me today why I was so dressed up. Actually, they asked "What's the occassion?" I replied with a casual "Just because. I am the occassion."

We all go through that slump at some point in the year... where sweatshirts become more acceptable than they ever should, we roll out of bed and we're lucky if we manage to look in the mirror before grabbing the car keys. and for a lot of us, including me, it's when the wintertime months roll around. It's almost as if we stop making the effort. BUT WHY?

Maybe you broke up with your boyfriend (how we can relate!), maybe you lost your job (stupid economy!), maybe you flunked your econ-midterm (no one enjoys econ anyway)... you're in a funk.

But what we fail to see is how dressing up can improve your mood. so you ditched your dude! big deal! Its not like there aren't 3 billion other men on the planet! You flunked that final exam?! Exam schexam. It's just one tiny tiny blip on the radar. you will survive all of these things... and if you're gonna survive it, you might as well look good doing it.

Wake up tomorrow and put on your best dress. "Whats the occasion?" YOU ARE THE OCCASION. Wear some funky bright eyeshadow. "What if it doesn't look good?" Well, at least you'll know now won't you?! Do something you haven't done before. "Like what?" Put on the fanciest dress you own, curl your hair, curl your lashes, and go the laundromat! Go get ice cream! Dress up and go to McDonalds! It doesnt matter what! You don't need an special occasion to live your life extraordinarily... Be confident. Be bold. Why the hell not right?!

It's all about your attitude. It doesn't matter what cards you're dealt in life... It's all about how you choose to play them. You are not a victim. You are the victor. Make life abide by YOUR rules for once.

You don't need an excuse to be fabulous. It was built into your system. It's just who you are. YOU ARE FABULOUS!

Be amazing and be okay with it. (and make everyone notice it, too!)

Celebrate you!

What is your most favorite outfit to wear? Share with us! Describe it in full detail so we can take in just how fabulous it really is! 

(I know there are many of us who will agree when we say we feel our prettiest after a nice long workout or just lounging around in pajamas, but no one can deny the fact that sometimes a really nice dress or a shiny pair of shoes is all it takes to transport us and our attitudes into a world of fabulosity [as Kimora Lee Simmons would say….] I hope you all take the chance to put a little pep in your step and switch things up a little! Even if you're not a dress kinda gal... try a new lipstick or wear your hair differently! Paint your nails the brightest color you can find! Do something that makes people take notice of you! It doesn't just have to be about your outward appearance and looking "pretty" for other people... Don't be afraid to feel pretty for YOU!)

ps; i think you're amazing!

Ten Rules For Being Human

 1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tool and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you have to do is look.

10. You will forget all this.

We All Feel This Way Sometimes...

It turned out he wasn’t in love with me like I thought. What I’m trying to say is, I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanly possible and how it can ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join or glasses of champagne you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong, or how you could’ve misunderstood and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door and after all that however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new and you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again and it’ll be as though your soul will finally come back and all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted will eventually begin to fade.

-----------------

Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors. And if you see a group of people in a field, go find out what they are doing. Do things without always knowing how they’ll turn out. You’re curious and smart and bored, and all you see is the choice between working hard and slacking off. There are so many adventures that you miss because you’re waiting to think of a plan. To find them, look for tiny interesting choices. And remember that you are always making up the future as you go.

-----------------

When you love someone, you’ll do anything you can to keep them with you. Unfortunately, there is also a point when you have to step back and say that it’s time to let go.

— My Sister’s Keeper

-----------------

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your family, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life and I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision and I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn in life and I’ve learned that people will forget what you said and what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou

-----------------

Lost love is still love…it takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end, love doesn’t. 

-----------------

You grieve at the level you loved. 

-----------------

When people walk away from you, let them walk. Don’t try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring for you, coming to see you, or staying attached to you. When people walk away, let them walk. Your destiny isn’t tied to anybody that left. 

-----------------

Because sometimes there is no easy way out, like making steps to hire a divorce attorney near you. . You just have to grin and bear it. Sometimes the only escape route is to go straight through the flames, just brace yourself and bite your lip. Sometimes you have to sever the ties clean off. Because in every relationship there comes a point when the damage is too much and no matter how good it once was, the memories can’t sustain you. You have to save yourself knowing all the while it will hurt like hell. Because you can’t keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return. 

-----------------

Someday, someone’s going to walk in your life and you’re going to know why it didn’t work out with anyone else.

xoxo

The Power of Positive...

Yesterday I had a bad day. It started bad. It was bad before midnight even rolled around and Monday it became. I found myself not being able to fall asleep until well after 3am. Leaving me with very little sleep and of course I spent the major part of work falling asleep at my desk. It was worsened by the internet shorting out and not being able to get work done. And then I come home to find Anon getting riled up about a misinterpretation of my words. It just wasn't a good day. But the amazing thing is that that was yesterday. And today is a brand new day. I cozied into bed last night, got a wonderful night's sleep, and woke up feeling like a new person. I truly regret letting something as silly as miscommunication get under my skin, but I also realize that I am human, and as a human, I have feelings that I sometimes can't let go, and I reacted in a way that I'm not ashamed of. BUT, I didn't have to bring it to my blog and put it on your shoulders. Even when something goes wrong, I shouldn't fluff it up and give it more attention by bringing it to this platform because even though I adore every last one of you, some of you are like me... you stick up for people even when you're not involved. It warms my heart that some of you want to fight for me against a nasty anon, but that isn't your place, and I don't want to put you in that position. So rather than focus on the negative anymore, I'm doing an overhaul! For the next seven days, I will not blog or tweet a single negative thing. Got a headache? Take some medicine. Rip my tights? Look at it as a new way to wear them. You get back what you put into the world. Positive vibes reaps positive rewards.

I realize seven days isn't a long time, but I know that I do better with short term goals. When day 7 rolls around, I'll try to tack 7 more days onto it. Or a month. Either way, I'm going to practice what I preach and stay positive always.

I get asked a lot about how I manage to change my mood and just look at the bigger picture. Well, you've seen how I sometimes fail at it, so now let me share the way in which I succeed. Positive affirmations! Positive quotes! Positive photos! It's simple really... so now I'm going to share with you some of my favorites from my stash (I have a lot!)

---

"The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity." - benjamin franklin

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." - w. clement stone

"It is important that you recognize your progress and take pride in your accomplishments. Share your achievements with others. Brag a little. The recognition and support of those around you is nurturing." -rosemarie rossetti

"Keep true, never be ashamed of doing right; decide on what you think is right and stick to it."

"Persons are judged to be great because of the positive qualities they possess, not because of the absence of faults."

"If you think about disaster, you will get it. Brood about death and you hasten your demise. Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience." - swami viekananda

"The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible."

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." - herm albright

"You've done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination." - ralph marston

Do you have any positive affirmations or quotes that you try to live by? What helps turn your mood around? Certain type of music? A certain song? Let's hear 'em! 

xoxo

be content with what you have, rejoice in the
way things are. when you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. -lao tzu

A Sweet Re-Post

I initially posted this back in early February when Mike got his blog. I guess he stumbled upon it this morning and showed me... I started crying reading it. It just really puts things back into perspective and even though I love everything about NYC and BUST, I also can't wait to get home. I'd be lying through my teeth if I said this distance was anything but grueling and difficult. I'm also not the most affectionate person in the world (gasp! I'm an idyllic romanticist but at times I can be a stone statue.) so adding 1000 miles to the equation never really helps. Mike is the most passionate, loving, and affectionate person I know so I could take a lesson or two from him. Either way, I want him to know I feel exactly the same about him now as I did back then.

If you pick me a flower, I’ll wear it in my hair. I’ll stash little notes for you where you least expect them. I don’t have many firsts left.. but I’d like someone who I could offer all of my lasts. We’ll make history together. I’ll wait for you even if you’re late – and I won’t complain about it. Kindness to cashiers, valets, waiters and maddeningly slow postal clerks who would try the patience of Gandhi is a must. I will feel safe and most at peace in your arms. When you’re counting aloud, I will try and mess you up. I find you magically delicious. I will let you be right when it doesn’t really matter. I’ll giggle when you show off and I know it’s just for me. I’ll hold your coffee while you drive. I can build a fire without burning the house down. If you wash the car with me – I promise to wear a white t-shirt for you. I‘ll hide around corners and try to scare you in the middle of the night.. of course, I’ll end up scaring myself and you’ll have to calm me down. I can change a flat tire and my own oil. It’s the simple things you do that make me swoon the most. I love it when you sing to me. I’ll make you mickey mouse pancakes. Sleeping in has a whole new meaning now that we’re doing it together. I’ll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching tv. I won’t swear around your family or make you wear silly sweaters at my family’s during Christmas. I’ll grant you three wishes. I’ll make you laugh. I’ll stare in wonder with you at that hot chick with the great rack. I will marvel at your strength. I’ll take care of you when you’re sick. I give a kick ass massage. I think it’s hot when you come home all dirty from playing or working hard. My heart will skip every time you walk through the door. My kisses will take your breath away – seriously. I’ll giggle if you leave your socks on in bed. My quirks and oddities have been deemed ‘adorable’ and I will love you more everyday for all of yours. I’ll hold you when you need it. I will give you space when you need it. I will let you be you. You’ll sleep better when I’m next to you. I’ll thank you every time you open a door for me. I’ll never give you shit in front of your friends. I won’t ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch and a passionate kiss. We can watch your movie first. I’ll clean the house perfectly every time your parents come by. I like horror movies only when you’re with me and only as long as you hold me close. I don’t litter. I love when you pull me down to sit on your lap. I love it when you lay your head on my chest in bed. I can be ready (shower and all) in half an hour. I’ll look cute as hell in your shirt in the morning. I can balance a checkbook. I can never turn down a challenge. I’ll fit perfectly in your arms. I’ll understand if you get jealous – and do my best to show you that you have no reason. Hand-written love notes will get you laid every time. I can totally keep a secret. I’m pretty damn funny and will do anything to make you laugh. You will always look hot to me in the morning. I think it’s cute when you eat off my plate. When you’re sleeping, I’ll try to stay quiet. I’ll call when I say I will. Treat me like a woman and I’ll treat you like a man. To clarify: I’m not looking for a fix-up project, or anything of that sort. I’m looking for a man who quite simply adds something extraordinary and special to my life. And I to him. A fair exchange, an amazing mind, body and soul connection and a place to build something magnificent.

xoxo

PS; The part about changing a flat tire and my own oil is pretty much a lie. I mean... I know how, in theory, but that doesn't mean I can necessarily do it in practice. Shh!

Here's to the girls!

I've posted this on my blog once or twice before and got a really wonderful response from y'all. It's been a hot minute but I've received so many FormSpring and email questions about relationships and breaking up and how to mend a broken heart, etc. I thought that this was maybe a bit more appropriate than me saying the same thing seventeen times. We've all been there... and if you haven't yet, you probably will at least once in your life. I truly feel as though breakups (especially huge ones that tear your heart in half, or so it seems) are one of the most beneficial life lessons we can learn. We come to know ourselves so much better. There are many facets of your life and personality that even YOU aren't aware of yet. A huge breakup helps you learn to cope, to balance friends, to prioritize, to grieve, to pick yourself up off the floor and get back to living your life. I'd be lying if I said I never experienced it. Mine was a bit different than the typical, being in the sense that I broke up with him, but man oh man it hurt just as bad, if not worse. There were days I didn't want to get out of bed. I physically couldn't pull myself from my sheets. But look at me now.... I'm in the best relationship of my life. I'm sharing everything about myself with someone who deserves me and works for me every single day. We're so grateful for each other because we've both come from a seriously disappointing 3-year relationships. You shouldn't be afraid of this part of your life. I promise... it's going to change you. And this is your opportunity to view the world with fresh eyes. Change your perspective and it WILL change your life (that's what I did.) ♥

Anyway....

Here’s to all those girls who used to be his number one.

The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check your cellphone the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, “I only want to be your friend”, one day, then listened to him say that he loves and misses you, and the next when he doesn’t want to be anything at all. Here’s to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change.

We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, got crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him even for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.

Here’s to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here’s for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn’t possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn’t treat us the way we should be treated.

Here’s for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest everything, only to hear him say that he couldn’t see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn’t believe that he could do this to us again.

This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn’t bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder “what if”.

This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us.
When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn’t mean it.
This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with.

This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that “You’re just not the one for me.” or maybe, “things were going too fast, I’m just not ready.” (Then later on find out he has a damn girlfriend already.)

Here’s to the girls who couldn’t cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt.
The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn’t bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an “I told you so.”
The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.

We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.

Here’s for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave one thought about them.

Here’s for the time that he took to waste, breaking your heart … again.

This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment.
Here’s for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better.

This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist.

Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it’s better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt all over again.

Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that.
When your song comes on the radio, turn the station.

When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off.
When he tries coming to your house, don’t answer the door.

Think of all the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was.
Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn’t him, and realized that once again, he hadn’t called when he said he was going to.

One day, you’ll find a guy who’s worth all the tears, but he won’t make you cry. You may think that you’ll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will.

It’s gonna hurt like hell, and it’s going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.

xoxo

Taking Chances...

I haven't posted something like this in a hot minute, so without further adieu, I give you a few words to get you through your week...

A ship is safe in harbor, but that is not what ships are for. - William Shedd

-------------

Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first. - Frederick B. Wilcox

-------------

Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is? - Frank Scully

-------------

This nation was built by men who took risks - pioneers who were not afraid of the wilderness, business men who were not afraid of failure, scientists who were not afraid of the truth, thinkers who were not afraid of progress, dreamers who were not afraid of action. - Brooks Atkinson

-------------

One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time. - Andre Gide

-------------

Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down. - Ray Bradbury

-------------

Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. - Cadet Maxim

-------------

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain

-------------

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart. - Confuscius

-------------

I think we all sometimes cower in fear of actual success. We run from opportunities, even when we swear we don't. Sometimes it's much easier to say "what if" than to just accept than we may actually succeed. I'm gulity, and I bet you are, too. Let's change that. Let's reinvent the way we look at not only opportunity, but ourselves. 

What is the biggest risk you've ever taken? How did it work out for you? Did you learn anything?

xoxo

Wise Words.

Someone in my FormSpring asked if I could post some relationship/love quotes, so I'm doing just that! Mike, Toby and I are headed to Mike's parents' house for his Dad's birthday. We'll probably be staying the night so this is the only post for today! Enjoy!

"You will try to run and he will let you but he will be standing exactly where you left him when you went ahead and lost your mind, not because he has nowhere else to be or because he’s a pushover, but because he understands that you are worth waiting for. And you are, not because he proved it to you, but because he gave you the time to realize it for yourself." -Anaïs Escobar

"It’s when you hold eye contact for that second too long or maybe the way you laugh. It sets off a flash and our memories take a picture of who we are at that point when we first know “This is love.” And we clutch that picture to our hearts because we expect each other to always be the people in that picture. But people change. People aren’t pictures. And you can either take a new picture or throw the old one away." -Iain Thomas

"I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face, they don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it." — Waitress

"The Velveteen Rabbit was about how little kids get one toy that they love more than all the others, and even when its fur has been rubbed off, and it’s gone saggy with bits missing, the little child still thinks it’s the most beautiful toy in the world, and can’t bear to be parted from it. That’s how it works, when people really love each other." — Helen Fielding

"But love, I’ve come to understand, is more than three words mumbled before bed time. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day." — Nicholas Sparks

"I spend 23 hours a day wondering whether we’re wrong for each other, wondering whether we’ve got the energy that we need to get through everything that we seem to get into, whether the baggage we both bring would sink a small ship. But in the 24th hour, I realize I’ve been thinking about her for 23 hours and I come back to there’s something about her, I can’t stay away from. Something about her, that makes me want to love her." — ER

“ Who wants the perfect guy? Not me. I don’t want anyone perfect. I don’t want anyone normal, thats just boring. I want someone weird. I want someone unpredictable. I want someone who lets things slide and who loves to laugh and makes me laugh. I want someone who will be crazy about me, and isn’t afraid to let everyone know it. I want him to be able to tell me to shut the hell up when I am bugging him. I want someone who challenges me, in every way. I want someone who puts up with my shit, but isnt a pushover. I want someone who pisses me off, but I can never be mad at. But perfect? That’s one thing I never want. Maybe just perfect for me. ”

Love isn’t about the romantic nights or gifts. It isn’t about fireworks going off around you when you have that first, real, kiss. Love isn’t about kissing in the rain and dancing beneath the stars. It isn’t about the big moments or the big surprises. Love is not a fairytale. Love is about still having the butterflies after years. It’s about the second looks and laying in bed wide awake, all night, because you can’t go to sleep mad at each other. It’s about being willing to sacrifice, literally, everything for someone, just because you care so deeply for them. It’s not about buying them gifts, but it’s about leaving them little presents here and there, just to remind them that you are constantly thinking about them. Love is about all of the little things, that add up to really big things. Love is rare and special, but should not be treated as if it will break. Love needs to be thrown around and beat up a little bit, worn in, but not worn down. Love needs to be a comfortable feeling, a place to go when NO ONE else in the world can relate. A safe place, where you know that no matter how ugly you look or how angry you are, you will still be… loved. — [unknown]

"I read once that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand & the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep & there are no words for that. "

xoxo