Honest To Blog : Fortune Favors The Brave


This lovely image from Saturday's post really got me thinking about work, goals, and my quality of life.  Okay, so it can't all be attributed to the illustration since those topics are literally the only thing on my mind 99% of the time, but I really really think the sentiment was a strong one. (And I'm kicking myself for not buying the print, but maybe I'll do that as my "100% self employed" treat?) I've written about it sparingly here on the blog, but if you follow me on Twitter or Tumblr then you'll know one thing: I'm ready to quit my job. Like, beyond ready, drowning in misery, frustrated with everyone and everything, done with it all, quit. I feel like I'm giving my bartending job too much credit. It's not actually the black hole of karaoke and rude people that I make it out to be always, but time has wore on and after 6 years, I'm exhausted. It's not where I see myself long term, so why am I allowing it such a large portion of my life? While you may know just how badly I want to quit, something that I've been a little bit less vocal about is this: I'm terrified. Scared like you can't even imagine. I don't even know where to start when it comes to leaving behind a secure, yet insufferable, job that has paid my bills for more than a half decade. But I did a big thing Saturday... I told my manager that my "retirement" from bartending was imminent. And I told her with a smile on my face. (Then I maybe started crying just a wee little bit at one point but that's just an awkward add-in so disregard). 

It sounds so silly to say I've upset myself over a bartending job, doesn't it? It's not exactly a noble or worthwhile cause, but it is a lot of work. I've had many people over the years try to make me feel "less than" for my job title, even while accomplishing what I had in the meantime. I'm a firm believer that the job doesn't make the person, but so many were hellbent on making me feel that way. Bartending has taught me a lot about people. More than I sometimes wish to know. I'd like to say it's made me a more patient person, but it hasn't. If anything in that regard it's just made me more irritated. But at the same time I've had a few life lessons that I otherwise would've missed out on. I'll save you the "bar-piphany" spiel though. I didn't give her a timeline really, aside from saying at the latest I'd like to be done by the wedding. Aka the last weekend of September. I really don't want to stay that long, but if I choose to then it'll help knock out Honeybean's loan, and maybe set up our savings so I don't have a breakdown on my first weekend sans bar. It'll be like starting new... a married woman, with a new last name, and a new job title. 

I've loved building our little businesses from the ground-up. Growing as a business has been one of the best things to ever experience. I've always referred to myself as self-employed, but I've also always had that safety net. Only 10 hours a week but you'd be surprised at how lucrative it can be at times. Especially when you're 18 years old, living with 2 other roommates, sharing all of your expenses, etc. Living arrangements have changed a lot over the past 6 years and, my frustrations aside, that bar was the reason I was able to focus so much on college. It's easy to run your own business when you have something to constantly fall back on. Lulls in clients or sales just means that I work a little harder on the weekend, no big deal. But I'm ready to go at it alone. I think.

I try not to question myself, but I've never been more scared in my life. Maybe that's a good sign though. A really good one. For once I feel uncertain and 100% in control of my destiny. Cheesy much? It's true. I'm finally able (and required) to pursue things that spark my heart and excite me. I just wish I felt more at ease. I think with all great game plays come great risks. I never want to feel like my decisions put a strain on our family life, especially with a toddler. But I guess at the end of the day every single decision we make really does. It all comes full circle. 

If I told you how many hours a day I spend a day obsessing over our business' future, our shopfront, our next move, our life... you'd think I was crazy. I know in my heart of hearts that this is supposed to be scary. Even with a solid business plan, even with everything charted out, it's supposed to be scary. It's so hard to know exactly what you want out of life but be a little bit unsure on how to get there. I think the fear in me is slightly exciting. It's a rush of something, anything, that I have never felt with bartending. Tending bar never empowered me or made me feel in control. Now everything is on my shoulders to make happen. My profit and gain directly correlates with my work ethic and output. Starting today my to-do lists are three miles long... and I'm looking forward to it. 

I still have a few weeks/months to sort everything out and get a lay of the land, but I want to start preparing now for the major switch. I hope the wake makes its way to the blog, too, because I want to be 100% transparent about this shift in my life. I know so many of you are small biz gals or aspire to be, and there aren't a ton of resources out there for female-run business owners. It's definitely a time of protecting how you've accomplished everything you have in fear that someone else will use it and beat you at your own game. I don't want that. I want to share the successes, the failures, the broken times, and the triumphs. I tend to be the kind of person who likes stress (to a certain degree) so now I'm just asking for it. Crazy exciting things are buzzing around our little hive so stay tuned. I can't say it'll always be exciting, but it'll be real. Here's to preparing for my real switch! I may have only taken the (tiny) first step to freedom, but it's been one I've thought about for a long long time. I've gotta go through with it now, right?!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Honest To Blog is a weekly free-writing feature where I share whatever is on my mind. No edits, no filters. Just unapologetic, sometimes offensive, always truthful thought. Click HERE to read all of the past posts in this feature.

43 comments:

  1. As a fellow self employed person AND bartender, I have a little bit of advice if you're willing to hear. I've been a bartender for about 8 years now, and a few years ago I went through the same frustration, but it paid for me to be home for my 40+ hours of sewing and building my business. A year and a half ago I switched bars, from a karaoke, live music dumpy bar, 13 hours shifts, to a bluegrass playing, taproom where I JUST work happy hour for 4 hours each weekday. I have never been happier. People are nice, they are out for a beer or three after work and the tips are SO much better!

    I wouldn't give up, as bartending pays better than any other job in this economy right now. I want to quit too, but it allows me to have so much freedom I wouldn't otherwise have. Maybe try a different bar! Nashville is big, maybe a happy hour shift. :)

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  2. So excited for you and to see the changes to come! I had to make a similar scary switch, and at what I felt to be an old age to go back to school (23 eep!) and after busting my ass I was finally accepted to vet school. Good things come to those who work their asses off!!! You go Glen Coco.

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  3. I've always found your business goals and ventures to be so inspiring, and honestly I'm surprised you still bartend because you've always appeared incredibly successful with everything else to me. I totally understand how nervewracking it is to make huge life-changing decisions (especially with a child, I can't even imagine!) but you seem to really have your head in the right place and I bet you'll find the transition to be far smoother than you think. The risk is so worth it!

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  4. Wow! The very best of luck with everything. It's so scary making that leap but I'm sure it will be the best thing you've ever done. You go, girl!

    Becky
    Xx

    Http://www.beckybedbug.com

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  5. All the power to you! I can't wait to follow along on your journey. I'm confident you'll make it out of this one unscathed.

    Good luck!

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  6. Thanks for sharing with us. I have had similar "dead end" jobs, and I know what it's like to hate your job so much it runs your life. I worked for five months after I got married in an overnight factory 10 hours a night with one break and we couldn't sit down. I was truly suicidal. I still am not thrilled with my job (a HS teacher)because it was never something I planned or imagined myself doing, but I am stuck because of the familial responsibilities you discussed. We have bills and a 4-year-old boy and a house payments and car payments. I'm thirty, I can't just start over. So I am proud of you for being brave when I feel like I can't be. Yay for taking that first step!

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  7. Wishing the best of luck to you doll! <3

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  8. I'm excited for you! That "without a parachute" feeling never really goes away, at least in my experience. When I quit my salaried job to start freelance writing full time a few years back, I was terrified. And just when I thought I had it under control, I decided to launch Stockroom. Just last week, I broke up with my last freelance client--my final connection to the stable freelance writing base I built. But this time it was crazy liberating to look at my new small biz and say, "I'm all in." It will be amazing for you, I just know it. As I'm sure you already know, those big fears come with even bigger rewards. Yay for brave indie biz ladies. :)

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  9. This is such an inspiring post! One of my pet peeves is when people look down on others over their job titles, in all my part times jobs it's happened to me too many times! Congratulations for making the step to becoming totally self employed though, how exciting :)
    Faye x

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  10. Kaelah, you're going to be so happy you did this! Yes, it's scary, but it's sooo worth it! Anything worth having requires taking some risk, and when you're passionate about something and have the time to pursue it you'll be surprised by how fast it will grow! Congrats, girl!

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  11. Best of luck to you, Kaelah! I really can't put into words how much I look up to you for chasing your dreams as hard as you do. It must be so scary to think about losing the stability of a job that you know pays the bills, but I can only imagine how much more fulfilled you're going to feel knowing that you are 100% supporting yourself through a business that you've built from the ground up and are super passionate about.

    Can't wait to hear more about how the 'bean biz goes!!

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  12. Congratulations and best of luck! I'm sure you'll be successful in your endeavors.

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  13. Congratulations! I can't even imagine how scary taking this step it, but I'm convinced if anyone can make it you can. Not having that safety net of working must be terrifying, but I've always had the impression you are incredibly driven and this change will only inspire you on to further success. I'm looking forward to seeing your little business grow xo

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  14. girl, while reading this post, i had to stop a few times and make sure it wasn't me, in fact, who had written it. you put into words EXACTLY the situation i am in right now! i'm a waitress, albeit a mere 15 hrs a week, but still. it IS draining, it IS exhausting, it IS NOT what i love or want to be doing, and it is entirely something i am DONE with. OVER. my husband and i are trying to become 100% self-employed as well, and it can be so frustrating and yes, scary, at times. okay, at most of the time. i love this post. i love what you said. i love how vulnerable you were in writing it. keep on keeping on! we can do this! you're inspiring to me.
    xo

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  15. that is an amazing step! good luck girl, not that you need it xo

    The Young Bridget Jones

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  16. Kaelah, you're so inspiring. I'm very excited for this switch and what's to come for you. I know you're capable of doing great things and you have the perfect attitude to do those great things!

    Keep your head up, girl. You're wonderful!

    XO Krystin

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  17. that is awesome! i'm proud of you for quitting and doing your own thing. becoming 100 percent self employed will be awesome for you and i am sure you guys will be successful - you just seem like such a driven and amazing person. i can't wait to see what the future brings now that you are 100 percent focused on it - imagine how much more time and effort you can put into your business now!

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  18. good for you kaelah! i've been reading your blog for a while now and i know just how frustrated you were getting with the bartending job. i'm a waitress, and after 5 years of working in the food service industry, i'm OVER IT. unfortunately, i can't quit, but i know just how hard working in a restaurant/bar is. i'm really proud of you, and wish you luck being an independent business woman!

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  19. Congratulations for your choice, that is really a bold step but I'm certain you really can do it! :)

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  20. you are such a strong and amazing woman!!!
    there's nothing, and i mean NOTHING like the satisfaction of quitting a job that you're done with, even if it that satisfaction is laced with tears.

    I recently started doing my own "business" type thing with It Works! all natural body wraps//supplements.
    it's something i really truly believe will help people gain back their self esteem and start a healthier life. I believe that you're going to be SO MUCH HAPPIER working on honeybee and all of your other projects. i wish you so much luck and all of the smiles in the world, kaelah :)

    (also, since i mentioned it, take a look at the post on my blog about the wraps and/or go to https://chelseaballou.myitworks.com )

    i will always always always be a loyal reader- you are spectacular!!!
    love, chelsea

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  21. ** honeybean (my fingers go faster than my brains)

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  22. Cheesy, but I truly believe that bravery isn't the absense of fear, it's mastering your fears and finding a way. The weight of what's at stake will drive you to make it work, and that's an awesome lesson for your son and everyone else around you.

    I made the leap to self employment last year and although I felt like laughing/crying/screaming all at once, working for myself is so much better than doing a job where I didn't have control/credit.

    So keep going, don't be ashamed that you feel emotional (that's a healthy sign) and have lots of 'kicking ass/motivational' play lists to hand to pump you up when you have a wobble.

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  23. I am so excited for you Kaelah! Being self employed is a long time dream of mine and I look forward to hearing all about your journey.

    Stay strong and brave missus! All the best.

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  24. Wow, 6 years of bartending! That's fantastic!
    I've been working ONLY 3 months at a job as a barista at Starbucks and I can't stand it. I mean, part of me loves the job, loves the constant interaction with people and finds it fun to make drinks and help run the store smoothly. But at the same time, there's constant stress, constantly something to do, constantly on your feet, constantly forcing a smile, and that's not so bad except I do 40 hours of it a week and I NEED time to be creative, and I don't have time or energy to be creative when I work that job. It's not stimulating me or igniting anything in my soul (As cheesy as that sounds) so it's frustrating. I can't imagine 6 years of it, wow! Good for you, for doing that for 6 years AND for making the decision you think is right for you.

    xo
    http://kittysnooks.blogspot.ca/

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    1. I know EXACTLY what you mean... My part time job is at Starbucks and Whoa. Some people and their coffee. Keep your head up. It's just a job. :)

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  25. It's so exciting for you, Kae!
    I'm still trying to figure everything out too. Ever since leaving school I have felt all the impending adult decisions and responsibilities. Taxes, loans, debt, buying a car. But at the same time it's so exciting too.

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  26. Congratulations on taking this first step! I'm so proud of you! I just graduated college and decided not to pursue a future in traditional careers, it was terrifying! Once I made the leap though, so many opportunities have come my way. The world has a way of responding to taking chances. I love that graphic in the beginning. It really resonates with me.

    Kindness is the best accessory,
    Rebecca

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  27. Fantastic. Fantastic what you are doing, fantastic that it scares you and you admit that but press on anyway.

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  28. quitting a job is my least favorite thing to do!

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  29. Definitely not silly to say your bartending job is wearing on you and you're ready for a big switch. It's very inspiring when someone makes a leap- hope you do get to share everything on here! :)

    (Not sure if you're a comics fan, but I highly recommend Adult Babysitting, a mini I bought from a bartender cartoonist. Her service industry anecdotes are GOLD.)

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  30. Everything you have said on here I have said to myself a hundred times about my job. (I know, I have two of them.) As much as I don't LOVE my jobs, they are there as my support system. (A girl's gotta eat, right?) I have had too many mid twenties crises to count thinking about the future and where I want to be. I am so happy for you that you have a big goal. Though it may be scary at times, you can do it. You HAVE to do it for all of those women out there that want something else, but just don't know where to begin. But most importantly you have to do it for YOU. Here's to your journey. I KNOW you are going to be successful, you just gotta make that leap. Everyone has their test at times in life, Here is yours. You can trust yourself. Thanks for being a role model. :)

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  31. So exciting! I'm a bartender currently and I'm not sure I could survive 6 years - however I know how hard it can be to quit a comfortable job! Congrats on being scared but making big changes anyway, that's incredible! :]
    Like many of the other commenters here self-employement is my end goal, it's wonderful to see somebody treading down that path with such a positive, hard-working attitude and blogging about it with honesty (thank you for not completely sugar-coating haha, very brave and appreciated!).
    Can't wait to see your dreams unfold here on the blog, best of luck xx

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  32. You are so inspiring, I absolutely love your blog and I wish you the best of luck with your business adventure x x

    www.jodiesjunk.com

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  33. how do you organise all your lists and ideas?

    Barnicles x

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  34. let me start by saying I'm so proud of you. I know this is a huge step and a hard one for you to follow. You prbbly don't remember this but I'm the person who emailed you about my job struggles a few days back. I'm glad to see you've taken your own advice. :D I actually spoke to my bf and I have decided to start college next year for Elementary education. It's scary especially since there aren't a lot of jobs out there hiring teachers, but I'd rather be broke and happy then rich and hating life : ) Anyways, congratulations and here's to moving on to the next chapter of your life!

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  35. This is going to be awesome!
    I can't imagine how scary it must be to leave that support net of a regular paycheck behind.
    My dad and step-mom are self-employed and freelance workers. It definitely is a lifestyle that requires a lot of preparation.
    As long as you've got a good savings plan you'll do great!
    And your personality really supports this kind of work.
    Rock it Kaelah!

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  36. Congrats! Very excited for your new changes, I believe that we only have so much time on earth, and we need to do what makes us truly happy, too many people work just to work, but it kills them, glad you won't be one of them :)

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  37. Thank you for sharing your story, opinions and perspective on making your own path. You're right, a lot of ladies online aspire to or already work for themselves, so I do appreciate a positive, yet realistic path on how you arrived at this brave moment: the point in which you completely go for it.
    I don't know you personally, but I always appreciate your candor and look forward to posts about such topics as this. I'm genuine when I say: you good luck with everything! :)

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  38. Thank you so much for writing this post! I have a tiny etsy vintage shop right now that I'm using as my only means of income during the summer and it's been so hard. Lately I've wanted to quit because I haven't made a sale in so long but this was really the thing I needed to read. We all really need to take the leap & just keep swimming!

    xoxo Sarah
    theantiquepearl.blogspot.com

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  39. Good on you mate! I bartended for about five years, through highschool and university and while sometimes I loved it, those hours can certainly take a toll on your life. And I found also sometimes it can be so heartbreaking to serve people that you know are drinking for the wrong reasons (eg. to avoid their homes, they have an addition or they're full of anger). Your business will thrive, we all have faith.

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  40. Oh man. Sound just like me, but I'm not nearly to the point where I can make that switch yet. Good luck! I think anyone who says they are NOT terrified in that situation is lying. It's always so rough going from consistency to the unknown. But also fun, exhilarating, and rewarding.

    Also, boo to anyone who has ever made you (or anyone else) feel bad about your job. To think that any one person is defined by or limited by a job title of any sort is completely ludicrous. All I know of you is what I have read here since I found your blog a few months ago... and already I have seen how incredibly talented you are, and how much you have already accomplished.

    Thanks for sharing your candid thoughts with us and good luck with the transition!

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  41. Love love love this post! I just graduated high school and I have to leave my baby sitting job of nearly two years now. I'm scared and even a little - er, lot - sad. My job is a pain in the rear end some times, but I do love it and more importantly I love the kids I watch.

    Thanks for sharing this great post! I really appreciate it. ♥

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HEY! Thanks for dropping by. xo KB