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Here's to the girls!

I've posted this on my blog once or twice before and got a really wonderful response from y'all. It's been a hot minute but I've received so many FormSpring and email questions about relationships and breaking up and how to mend a broken heart, etc. I thought that this was maybe a bit more appropriate than me saying the same thing seventeen times. We've all been there... and if you haven't yet, you probably will at least once in your life. I truly feel as though breakups (especially huge ones that tear your heart in half, or so it seems) are one of the most beneficial life lessons we can learn. We come to know ourselves so much better. There are many facets of your life and personality that even YOU aren't aware of yet. A huge breakup helps you learn to cope, to balance friends, to prioritize, to grieve, to pick yourself up off the floor and get back to living your life. I'd be lying if I said I never experienced it. Mine was a bit different than the typical, being in the sense that I broke up with him, but man oh man it hurt just as bad, if not worse. There were days I didn't want to get out of bed. I physically couldn't pull myself from my sheets. But look at me now.... I'm in the best relationship of my life. I'm sharing everything about myself with someone who deserves me and works for me every single day. We're so grateful for each other because we've both come from a seriously disappointing 3-year relationships. You shouldn't be afraid of this part of your life. I promise... it's going to change you. And this is your opportunity to view the world with fresh eyes. Change your perspective and it WILL change your life (that's what I did.) ♥
Anyway....

Here’s to all those girls who used to be his number one.

The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check your cellphone the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, “I only want to be your friend”, one day, then listened to him say that he loves and misses you, and the next when he doesn’t want to be anything at all. Here’s to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change.

We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, got crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him even for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.

Here’s to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here’s for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn’t possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn’t treat us the way we should be treated.

Here’s for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest everything, only to hear him say that he couldn’t see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn’t believe that he could do this to us again.

This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn’t bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder “what if”.

This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us.
When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn’t mean it.
This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with.

This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that “You’re just not the one for me.” or maybe, “things were going too fast, I’m just not ready.” (Then later on find out he has a damn girlfriend already.)

Here’s to the girls who couldn’t cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt.
The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn’t bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an “I told you so.”
The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.

We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.

Here’s for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave one thought about them.

Here’s for the time that he took to waste, breaking your heart … again.

This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment.
Here’s for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better.

This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist.

Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it’s better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt all over again.

Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that.
When your song comes on the radio, turn the station.

When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off.
When he tries coming to your house, don’t answer the door.

Think of all the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was.
Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn’t him, and realized that once again, he hadn’t called when he said he was going to.

One day, you’ll find a guy who’s worth all the tears, but he won’t make you cry. You may think that you’ll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will.

It’s gonna hurt like hell, and it’s going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.

xoxo

13 comments:

  1. this is one of your best posts kaelah!!! it choked me up to read it because i can relate. i think any girl/woman can relate to this. we've all be there in one way or another.

    you really inspire me! mike must be so proud of the woman that you are :)

    hope this helps lots of people...

    sofia x

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  2. i love this! just wanted to let you know you made my day and i'm so glad i just asked you what your blog was. this was bang on for me today and the last few months (getting over a bad 4 year relationship) and i just wanna say thanks for your words and your insight, you are a gem :)
    xoxo
    susan (from bust! im right behind you...hahah)

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  3. i've awarded you with a blog award!
    http://marlagrace.blogspot.com/2010/07/blog-award.html

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  4. thank you so much for posting this!

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  5. Thank you for posting this, I am dealing with a super harsh breakup at the moment and he was no good for me but spending every single day since he left crying is killing me, hurting my work, and just a big distress in general, your amazing and I'm so thankful I seen this, it gives me a little hope that maybe things will be ok..in time.

    Thank you Kaelah!
    your great. :)

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  6. thank you for writing this. im post heartbbreak breakup right now, and still missing him like mad, i am that girl. So heres to us. For sticking together, embracing the great sex {yip i said it} and relying on friends. Because they will always be there.

    Thank you Kaelah!

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  7. After finding out my live in boyfriend of two years cheated on me last week, this is exactly what I needed to read. Thank you so much Kaelah. It is great to know that even in the darkest times, there is still light at the end of the road. Never settle for less! It's better to be single than sorry.

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  8. i think this is by far my most favorite post that you've ever done. it is perfect. it is motivating. it is glorious. every single word was meant to be where it is. it was inspired.

    i have been having boy issues lately and knowing that most, if not every single girl has been in a similar situation and knows how it feels to every scenario listed above.

    thank you.

    i hope you had a great weekend!

    * http://www.allisterbee.blogspot.com

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  9. I discovered your blog today but found myself hours later still glued to the computer screen, reading along.


    This post was truly incredible. Thanks!

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  10. I needed to read something like this. You are awesome Kaelah.
    Thank you

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  11. Kaelah, I know you wrote this a long time ago now, but it just made me cry.
    I can't relate to all of this. My ex and I broke up in August and he doesn't want me back in any way. I'm English, he's American and I moved back to England after my year abroad and the distance was just too much (for him, apparently) and he ended it. He came over to England a few months ago and we saw each other and now we're "friends". It's incredibly hard knowing that he doesn't want me back. He doesn't want me back because it's too hard, it's too complicated. We live in different countries, 5000 miles apart.
    But this made me cry because I miss him every day. Because the Christmas card he sent me arrived yesterday and I tried to read into everything he said in it.
    Okay, I'm going on with myself. Just thank you. The last 6 months have been the hardest of my whole life and I just hope eventually I can meet someone else.

    Charlotte x

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  12. Just wrote something on my blog this morning (5am, couldn't sleep) about what happened to me two days ago... You can check it out if you want: http://valentinaduracinsky.blogspot.fr/2012/06/naked-soul.html

    Called it 'Naked Soul' because it's really just me pouring my heart and soul out.

    "hurt like hell"
    Yup. yup..

    Val
    http://valentinaduracinsky.blogspot.com/

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