Honest To Blog : Censored Audience


I've had a lot of "Honest To Blog" ideas in my little blog notebook for a while now, but many of them I'm sort of hesitant (scared?) to publish. I'm not really sure why I'm hesitant, but I think it's because I start picturing in my mind the individual people who read my blog. Isn't that weird? We start blogs, we network, we build our readership and hope to grow, but as soon as we do, we shut down a very honest and open part of ourselves. Well, I do at least. I guess I can't speak for anyone else. 

I think it started for me the first time I had someone approach me in public and introduce themselves as a reader of my blog. To me that's a staggering wake up call like "Oh hey! Duh! Real people out there read what you write! And sometimes you write dumb stuff!" haha It's as though I become much more self-conscious and guarded with each new reader I gain. Sometimes it's just the sheer surprise of who is reading my blog that really throws me for a loop. I've had people come up to me at my bar (!!!) and say they read, or in completely different states as I'm just doing my thing. Don't get me wrong -- I love it. I really do! It's so exciting and flattering (and terrifying) to meet the real people on the other end of the screen. People who continue to lift me up when I'm feeling down, shower me with support, and really help me enjoy this journey. But it's almost as if I have this silly fear of disappointing them in some way, by what I write or say or do. That doesn't even really make sense though. I don't mean to say I'm like some celebrity, because clearly I'm not, but what I'm trying to say is that even with thousands of blog readers, I'm (just) this slightly (totally) insecure girl sometimes who likes to share more than just the surface of things, but it's scary. Plus you always have people who follow you solely for the purpose of criticizing everything you say/do. I've been on the internet long enough to know that. Luckily I've come to terms with not everyone liking me so that's not the issue. But the people who genuinely like me/my blog, and read it daily? Sometimes that's a huge thing to live up to -- no matter if you have 7 followers or 70,000. 

Does anyone else feel that way? How do you combat the fear of disappointment or rejection in those situations? I have a laundry list of topics that I'd love to write on, or have been asked to write on, but just thinking about those individual people who read my blog is what keeps me from doing it. Not because the topics are iffy or NSFW, but because with those posts I'll have to expose a little part of me. I'll have to be vulnerable. And to me, knowing the faces behind the screen is way scarier than writing to an anonymous internet. It's like being able to see everyone in the audience while I'm on stage... I'd rather have the blinding lights so I couldn't make out any faces haha 

I've made a conscious effort to move my blog back to something more personal as of late. That's always been my intention but sometimes putting up pretty pictures is more popular than personal anecdotes and photos. I don't mind if I only get 10 comments on a personal post because like I said earlier in the year, I want this blog to be a scrapbook. It's a bit silly that I keep having to remind myself of that and I have to give myself these public pep-talks, but I'll do what I need to right? Knowing that family, friends of my parents, and even people I went to high school with read my blog is a scary thing. But I choose to put it out there, and I'm proud of it... I just need to learn to stop feeling so sheltered. 

Over the course of the next few weeks/months, I hope to publish all of the articles I've jotted down in my notebook. The nitty gritty, personal posts that I've been too shy to write. I'll rewrite ones that need some tweaking, and I'll hopefully feel better about it once I hit "Publish"... Rather than speak from authority I'll simply speak from experience. Even if they get crickets, less than 10 comments, and the side-eye from the internet worldwide, I know I'll look back on those posts in a few years and scoff at my original hesitance and then I'll cringe at everything I ever wrote. That's the point of a blog, right?!

How about you? Ever felt this way? How do you balance the two? 

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

Honest To Blog is a weekly free-writing feature where I share whatever is on my mind. No edits, no filters. Just unapologetic, sometimes offensive, always truthful thought. Click HERE to read all of the past posts in this feature.

PS: I'm having an Instagram closet sale today at 11am CST! You can follow @kaelahscloset on IG to shop! You can also view/comment items online if you don't have access to your phone. Just CLICK HERE!

50 comments:

  1. I love this post. I only have 6 followers on my blog at the moment and I still catch myself before writing some honest things, and instead rely on lots of photos. In truth, i'd like to write a lot more - but the idea scares me a bit - even though that is the reason I want to blog, not only to share photos but to share my thoughts too.

    I look forward to reading your more "personal" posts :) And hopefully you'll feel more relaxed about it when they are published? I hope to become more and more honest and write more on mine :)

    Beth xx

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  2. I totally get that. I don't want to make a FB page for my blog because I don't want coworkers and most of the people I went to HS with to be able to read my blog and be like "lol this bitch".

    At the same time, you can't let those people--and internet haters--influence the content of your blog. Objectively, I feel like you would never want to give people that kind of power over you, but when put in that situation, it's tempting to chose that as a safe, easy way out.

    Anyway, I'm one of the safe, unknown readers that loves hearing the personal stuff, so bring it on! You're one of my absolute fave bloggers because I see your real opinions/personality come out and I relate to it. For example, you're one of the few cute midwest girls I follow that express their more liberal political opinions and I LOVE it! So sick of the stay-at-home mom/wife types who blog for Jesus. Blegh.

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  3. This is exactly why I have such a challenge having a blog on my own and writing so freely and openly. I've always been terrified of rejection, but also what if my family or close, close friends stumbled upon it?! It's not even like I talk about deep dark secrets and they know most everything about me, but I don't know. And then the whole stranger aspect.

    I recently sucked it up and went ahead and wrote about saying goodbye and letting go of an ex boyfriend and the finding out about the death of my Dad. While I barely have any followers (I'm still new to this thing due to these fears), it was a nice feeling to put it all out there.

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  4. You know when I first started blogging I worried about censoring myself constantly. I never wrote about sex or depression, and never swore or anything for fear of turning off more conservative readers. Once I gave up that shit (haha) and started writing as me, with lots of f-words and talking about my sexy-ass husband and depression and anxiety, my readership actually went up and the readers I already had were even more engaged. There are plenty of squeaky-clean blogs out there that never piss anyone off, it's the ones that aren't afraid to show who the writer is as a person that stand out. Just my two cents, and I have significantly fewer followers than you! :)

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  5. Thank you! I have been blogging since 2003 and whenever I hit a rock in my personal life I chose not to deal with it on my blog so I ended up closing down blogs more than one time. This time when I started I set a goal to go on no matter what but I am still torn between personal issues and blogging face.

    I think you are great to decide to take this turn, solely business blogs are not majority of the blog readers are after anyway.

    Good luck!

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  6. I think it is safe to say that many people who blog have felt this way (you’re not alone!!). I used to have a tiny blog with a small following but I took a ‘blogging break’ because I felt like my posts lacked honesty. I often wondered what the point of having a blog was if I wasn’t going to write freely without censor. My problem was not wanting to offend anyone by anything I said and being so public kinda scared me. Putting you thoughts out for anyone to read (yikes!).

    Personally though, I would love to read more of your Honest to Blog posts. With a lot of blogs today, they all seem so bland with no personality. Your blog to me really does have a personality and that’s what keeps bringing me back. I think it’s great that you have realized not everyone will agree with you or even like you. I’m still working on that one myself *hello, people pleaser*...

    Well, my little comment has sort of turned into a paragraph of rambling but you’re not alone. Keep being honest and real...and yourself. I know how weird/scary it can be but I think that is what has brought you your loyal followers who comment on posts like these. That is what has made me love you and your blog!

    -K

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  7. Blogging honestly (especially as a personal finance writer) is terrifying. Money is so taboo and when you let people know about your finances, it's honestly like the laaaast little bit of yourself. I completely understand where you are coming from!

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  8. Blogging is scary to me sometimes and I have nine followers. They're all people I know and who knows if they even read what I write, but I do know they don't comment. BUT, I still hesitate just as you do and you have much more reason! With that said, this is your space and there are MANY people like me who come to your blog for that honesty.

    I like your outfit posts and such, but your real-life posts are what keep me coming back. Seeing your updates about being a mom to Toby, a toddler who in all of his angelic nature is sometimes a huge handful, reminds me that you are real and absolutely wonderful!

    I've come to realize that being guarded and sugar coating things happens in real life too. While no one likes a Debbie-Downer, Everything as sunshine and rainbows isn't real and the flaws, mistakes and bad days are what makes life so beautiful.

    I cannot wait to read more Honest To Blog posts from you Kaelah! You're such an inspiring and strong woman and the blogging world needs more honesty and more woman like you.

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  9. Even though my blog is small and just getting started I found myself hiding it from my family and friends. I guess I just felt like people close to me wouldnt understand it. One day my best friend told me that her sister had been reading my blog I felt so insecure but then I found out how much she loved it and it helped me feel a little bit better. I don't think there is anyway to get over this fear. It's just like writing a book or creating a piece of art, there will always be critics and people who want to tear you down. You just have to decide how brave you want to be I guess. I just want you to know that you have been a great inspiration to me and you're the reason I have a blog today! I've followed your blog for years and have seen the amazing journey your life has taken you on and its an awesome experience to watch. Keep doing your thing girl!
    Xoxox

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  10. I went through this exact thing. I had my readers take a survey and a whopping 94% of them WANTED me to write more personal blog posts or posts about my life. I think readers sometimes crave some depth in a blog and they enjoy hearing about how other people live...because...let's face it, we're all kinda nosey! :) Loved this post, Kaelah!

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  11. Honey, I'm a new blogger (thanks to you!) and only have a wee little readership, but I am already struggling with how personal to make my blog!! I love what you've written here - it may sound weird but it makes me feel a bit braver about publishing my more personal posts.... strange but true!
    I, for one, love to get to know bloggers through their posts, and I thin kyou are a total gem!
    So I wish you bravery and love for the upcoming HTB posts, not to mention a whole heck of excitement for your upcoming White Dress Day!!
    And thank you for all the advice you gave me when I began my blog!
    Huge hugs from Oz!!
    Love,
    Shann
    www.loversnotliars.blogspot.com

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  12. Honestly, I like hearing more about the person behind the blogs I read!

    http://whiskeybreakfast.blogspot.com

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  13. I've never had over 150 followers on any of my blogs. I'm not like most bloggers in a sense. I LOVE blogging but once I hit that 100 mark I get really freaked out. I can never understand why but sometimes I just wish I never got into blogging. So I really do give props to those of you who are able to let thousands of people across the world into your lives because that's something I could never do even if I wanted to. I care too much what people think and I let the little things that don't matter get to me.

    But I honestly say do what makes you comfortable. If that's having personal posts do that, if that's keeping them to yourself do that. At the end of the day it's your decision! :) ♥

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  14. I can definitely relate. Although my follower base is still small, there are certain things I just won't put out there. I'm normally a very honest and open person, and try to exude that on my blog, but some things? Just no. I don't think you need to be insecure. Your readers love your blog because of you, and they get to know you through your blog. Just be honest and open. Don't worry TOO much about what others are going to think. After all, this is YOU.

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  15. I love your honest and openness... the personal anecdotes you put in your blog help keep it alive and interesting. Sometimes a blog with no personal content, I get bored and stop reading after a while because it's unrelate-able (apparently that's not a real word, haha). But I love it when you're brave and open about your life!

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  16. This is absolutely how I feel. I can't tell you how many times i've started blogging, stopped blogging, deleted said blog - it's all about my confidence, and it's not the strongest thing on the inter-webs apparently!
    You are honest in your posts and i love that you're real with what you think/how you think/your emotions!!! Thank you for putting that little voice behind you and being proud of your blog!!!!! As a reader, I appreciate it!!!!

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  17. it's a difficult balance to find, but you seem to do it well. I always think whatever you're comfortable with!

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  18. I feel the same way and I JUST started my blog. There are things I want to write about, but I have been struggling with that. I posted last night about visiting Play in Nashville, and even though it was just a small reference to me going, I was almost afraid to publish it. You never know who will throw a fit or get offended. When you post a blog, especially one as popular as yours, you are vulnerable without even really opening yourself up to people. You have thousands of people who get glimpses into your life every day, whether it be an outfit post or one that is more personal, and those people feel like they know you because of that. Why not go ahead and go all out? If your readers love and support you then they will continue to love and support you. If not then are you really at a loss?

    Emily-Ann

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  19. oh gosh i knew exactly what you mean. knowing that people i work with, friends, and family members read my blog make me really think about what I write, and how personal i get. i think there is a good balance to strike, i don't want to be as personal as i was back in my friends only live journal days, but i don't want to cut the really personal out. and i can't imagine what it is like when you are a "big blogger" and you know the snarks on those terrible boards are going to pick apart everything you do. i hope you write the rest of the posts, because i love it when you do posts like this. you rule.

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  20. My blog is pretty new and even with my tiny group of followers I hesitate about opening up too much. I worry about being judged or misunderstood but then the whole reason that I started my blog was so I could find my voice and create a record of my life. I guess it's a balance that you have to find. That said, I love reading more honest and open posts on my favourite blogs and I hope you do publish the posts you have waiting:)

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  21. This is a tough one, my blog is pretty small but as you said - it doesn't really matter. I want to be able to look back on my blog like a diary, but on the other hand I'm not comfortable putting a lot of my thoughts 'out there'. I love your blog BECAUSE of YOU though. I don't read fashion blogs, but I love yours because you have so much personality. I say go for it. Comments can be deleted & I'm sure the support will FAR outweigh the pointless negativity (:

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  22. Hello there pretty lady!

    Great post! I adore this level of honesty. I hear and understand hesitations perhaps is a better term. While my blog is completely personal, I have been faced with about a handful of people to date whom have greeted me with, "I just read your blog!" I always find it funny and weird.

    I write from the mundane to the racy. To date I refuse to censor myself and instead give the option for those whom find it too much the ability to leave.

    Be you darlin', everyone else is taken. :)

    Jade

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  23. i love reading your honest to blog posts. they're probably my favorite (other than your thursday ones that always make me smile at some level)

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  24. gahhhhh. i absolutly do this, and i think it's so annoying because i used to be so open. i'm still finding my own balance between what's too much to share - and what's just not enough!

    either way, i adore your blog lady ;)

    xx, kara

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  25. This is why I don't have a blog. I wouldn't want anyone I know to find it! I'm really reserved and knowing that someone saw something I wrote, even if it was totally mundane, would freak me out.

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  26. This is why I don't have a blog and all my internet stuff is private as I can manage. I'm very reserved, and just the thought of someone I know seeing something I posted, no matter how mundane, really freaks me out. I've been thinking about starting a blog about my garden because we've done a lot of work on it in the last few years and I'm really proud of it and it would be fun to share what I've learned, but I don't knowwww.....

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  27. I totally understand. I don't think I will ever "cut loose" on my blog.

    Unless some certain people croak!

    So....I'll keep writing, stifled! ;)

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  28. I agree with you 199% on this. I have battled personal issues a ton (from going through a public divorce to erasing an entire year from my blog.) Even though I erased what I had written, it was still a public matter and everyone around town knew about it. I guess I just wanted to hide how I felt because I knew that people that I went to high school with and family were reading what I was writing.. and I didn't want them to judge me based on what I had solely written. I guess that's what it all boils down to- people judging bloggers like books. We write and post pictures just like a story- but there always be so much more to that story than what is shared. Once, I had a girl walk up to me when I was in Outback steakhouse, about 2 hours from where I live, and a girl ran up to me and hugged my neck and said "oh my god!! you're hellolyndsey! I have been a reader of your blog for so long- and wow you really are so tall! it's so great to finally meet you!!" I literally just stood there and gawked. I finally forced out "omg.. omg.. thank you so much!" Then I instantly had a twinge of insecurity- that I had to live up to the expectations she had read on my blog as to what I was like in real life. Thoughts ran through my mind like (is my outfit cute? do i smell good? is my hair pretty? am i wearing makeup? I wonder if she knows who Josh is? etc etc.) When we left she had the rest of the girls in the restaurant talking about me in a little group.. SO awkward!

    I love your personal posts (even though I am the worst commenter in the world- I still read!!) Can't wait to see more of you doll, and don't feel like you are forced to do any of this. You are wonderful and we all love you and your blog just the way y'all are ;)

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  29. Personal posts are definitely always the best... and it's really unfortunate if people get offended but I think... personal things add a unique quality that despite differences can unite people. I mean, people can relate to each other, even if say one person is against Christianity but feels passionate about something else, and I'm passionate about Christianity. Does that make sense???

    I don't have near as many readers as you, but I always feel weird when someone says "I was reading your blog and ...." I feel self conscious about all the things that I said, and all the geeky, cheesy things that are a part of me. You aren't alone! And you're wonderful!

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  30. I've been reading your blog for over a year now and I don't think I've ever commented until now but reading this is so refreshing I can't help but say, YES!!! There are tons of fashion bloggers out there who merely post pictures of outfits but your blog stands out with its sincerity and openness on life outside of just fashion. You're real and relatable. I really like seeing someone who shows reality without exaggerating. Even if not every person loves everything you say, its the courage and confidence your blog shows that will keep readers coming back to draw inspiration for their own lives. I give this new leaf a standing ovation. =D

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  31. I'm with you! I would love to be more personal on my blog, but want to be on the safe side when it comes to sharing.

    You're blog is one of my top 10 reads and it's amazing to read. And my favorite posts from your blog are the personal ones! It makes me feel more connected to your blog.

    Feel free to post anything you want girl -- you're fabulous no matter what you do! :)

    xoxo
    Nat
    modernbuttercup.blogspot.com

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  32. Just like you, I too struggle with going back and forth on my content. I get on board with being super personal but then I fall off the wagon and move back toward snippets of writing that barely share anything - BUT HEY, here are some pretty photos! And then I start to question the purpose of writing a blog because I can't see ME in it anymore, rinse and repeat!

    I recently discovered a dark hole on the internet that has made me even more aware that there really are people that follow blogs solely for the purpose of picking them completely apart. It's a double edged sword to gain a large readership. There are times when I gawk at your blog and a few others, just *wishing* to have that many readers. (I can admit that because no matter what anyone says, most people with fashion/lifestyle blogs want a readership and I think that's ok! This whole, "Just do it because you love it" thing.. I do agree, but l'm not going to go around pretending I don't love getting comments and new readers because that's silly!) But yes, there are times when I feel envious- but then I imagine the pressure - and it scares me. So I understand where you're coming from.

    Personally, I think you do an amazing job portraying your true self and putting just the right amount of you out there! (Not like I know you in real life, so am I to say? Hehe!) If you write something that puts someone off, I'm willing to bet there will be someone who loves it and becomes a new reader in their place. You're fabulous, Kaelah! Keep it up! =)

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  33. Just like you, I too struggle with going back and forth on my content. I get on board with being super personal but then I fall off the wagon and move back toward snippets of writing that barely share anything - BUT HEY, here are some pretty photos! And then I start to question the purpose of writing a blog because I can't see ME in it anymore, rinse and repeat!

    I recently discovered a dark hole on the internet that has made me even more aware that there really are people that follow blogs solely for the purpose of picking them completely apart. It's a double edged sword to gain a large readership. There are times when I gawk at your blog and a few others, just *wishing* to have that many readers. (I can admit that because no matter what anyone says, most people with fashion/lifestyle blogs want a readership and I think that's ok! This whole, "Just do it because you love it" thing.. I do agree, but l'm not going to go around pretending I don't love getting comments and new readers because that's silly!) But yes, there are times when I feel envious- but then I imagine the pressure - and it scares me. So I understand where you're coming from.

    Personally, I think you do an amazing job portraying your true self and putting just the right amount of you out there! (Not like I know you in real life, so am I to say? Hehe!) If you write something that puts someone off, I'm willing to bet there will be someone who loves it and becomes a new reader in their place. You're fabulous, Kaelah! Keep it up! =)

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  34. Kaelah,
    You are a beautiful woman that people look up to. I know how it feels to be hesitant about posting personal things on your blog because of judgement from others. And then I think to myself.. What if there are people or even just ONE person who can relate and that it may help or inspire? It's so easy to put on a front and just post the pretty, good stuff. But in all HONESTY, we are all flawed and have personal experiences. That's what makes us, us and what makes our blogs our own.

    I cannot wait to read your personal posts! You can count on a comment from yours truly!

    ♥ you girl!
    Katlyn
    www.thedreamymeadow.com

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  35. This is a great post. My blog is personal and sometimes I wonder if the things I have written put people off. I know a lot of my friends and people I know in real life read my blog too and I always think they must look at me differently when they see me but I guess it's a little different for me because I'm trying to raise awareness of the disease I live day in day out with. It's hard work putting your life out there but sometimes it helps and shows people the real you - and hey, if people don't like it then so what? There will always be people who hate or don't understand - but if there is one person out there that appreciates your honesty, then that's worth everything... And that's why I continue writing such personal things for the world to see.

    Endometriosis my life with you

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  36. We used to follow eachother on LJ, and those posts were so nice to read (we were both going through crappy relationships at the time). You should definitely go back to your blog being a more of a diary/scrapbook because at the end of the day it is your blog :) ignore the audidence if you have it.

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  37. I loved reading this post as do I all of your posts. I have to admit I started thinking about this the other week when not a stranger but a friend of mine mentioned they read my blog. Because when I started my blog it was all about my crafts, scrapbooking and cardmaking and what not, few personal posts thrown in there but usually in a post about crafting.

    I still craft but stopped being a consultant for a company and then stopped running my own stamping image business and started posting more for myself.

    Sometimes I read back on posts and can't believe I actually wrote it and that I was so open and honest.

    But when a friend said they had been reading it and not a stranger that is was freaked me out a little, why I have no idea, it's really rather silly, it's like I would rather strangers read it, than actual friends and family?

    But I am starting to want to blog more about me and my life and my girls and while like you say they are not as near popular as my crafting posts [for me] I still like doing it, as when I read back I remember things I had forgotten about.

    At least when people meet me in real life, what you read is what you see.

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  38. Hey girl, don't be scared and do your thing! I think you're a total bad ass. As a blog reader mostly I get really annoyed with sponsored posts, giveaways, advertising, and all that other bullshit ALL. THE. TIME. So many of the blogs I've followed sadly turned into business typhoons and changed the way they blog completely. It's so refreshing to have people like you who wants to keep it real. <3

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  39. You could totally just have a blog without your name/picture and then write whatever the hell you want. http://crazy-random.com/rawr/

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  40. Well I think I'll just be echoing what everyone else is saying, but I really liked this post too! As a blogger I don't necessarily gravitate towards posts with a lot of pictures and fewer words. Pictures are nice, but I always find myself disappointed, especially if it's only about clothes or someones living room (no offense! I think your stuff is very pretty). I just really like knowing who is behind posts like that and reading things I relate more to.
    Not very many people read my blog either. My views spike occasionally, but it can't be more than 5 or so people who regularly check my blog. I'm fairly open, because that's the kind of person I am, but there are most definitely things I don't post because I think about who reads my blog and who could possibly find it and think "I don't want them knowing that."
    I guess that's what a physical journal is for, or starting a separate blog for different people. I'm okay with that.

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  41. Whatever you write about, I'm always interested. Everything you talked about today makes sense and it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. It's quite hard being "honest" but at the same time not exposing some parts of our lives that we might want to keep private on the internet. Keep up the good work Kaelah xx ♥

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  42. i can totally relate to feeling like you would "disappoint" your readers (just not on as large of a scale because i haven't been blogging as long). but every time someone follows me i check out their blog and then sometimes i wonder why they like me because it seems like we have nothing in common. i always think, oh shit what's gonna happen when they discover i'm this "radical" person: feminist, nonreligious, vegetarian, cyclist, bookmaker, cat lady, blogger, whatever?!

    i mean, it's not like i hide any of that, but like you said, those little details can just make us that much more vulnerable. anyway, i'm all for personal posts! even if i don't agree with a blogger, i guess i really just enjoy seeing things from their point of view. thanks for sharing this, it makes me want to write a new "about me" page and start on some of the more unique features i've been thinking about doing.

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  43. Yes! I've written so many blog posts I've been scared to publish but I've forced myself to Just. Do. It. and every single time I've been glad I did, because every single time I've had people replying, "Thank you! I can totally relate to this! I thought it was just me!" Rather than making me feel exposed and weird, they ended up making me and some of my readers feel less vulnerable and less embarrassed and more like maybe we're all just normal people with normal thoughts. So, I'm all for being brave and putting your stories out there - you might be surprised by the results!

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    1. This might be my very favorite comment, because it's so perfect. You said exactly what I needed to hear, lady! As did everyone else above. But yours really drove it home, so thank you!

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  44. I can completely understand why you're hesitant to post about this. I mean, you pretty much are a blog celebrity... hehe. But I really think posting it will make you feel a little more free. I recently wrote about some of my past struggles with depression... and I thought about it for a while before posting. It's scary! I was actually more scared about family, friends, and acquaintances reading about it than anything else, but it turned out okay, and I felt a lot better after posting it.

    I hope you do end up sharing some of what you've mentioned on here! We're here because we love your blog, which in huge part is because it's so very YOU. So whatever you have to say, we want to hear it. =)

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  45. kaelah, you are so brave! in so many MANY ways, and this blog is an amazing display of that. this is such an odd topic, because on one hand a blog is this public thing that anyone can visit, and on the other many people (myself a hundred thousand times included!) work really hard to keep it personal. its such an odd balance. and lately its been weighing on my mind a lot. i have about 40-50 followers give or take, and every time someone new follows i think to myself "alright i'm good! lets set this thing to private!" because as you said, with every. single. new person i feel more pressured to become more censored, and to draw back. but doing that would feel disingenuous. i'm comfortable with the group of readers i have, lately i've been networking more and my readership is growing little by little. but it makes me more frightened than anything. i really want my blog to be a place i can return to and read memories, hear stories from my past, and see real honest parts of me. but man, it is hard, and it takes constant practice.

    and ultimately, i know how deeply i appreciate your honesty, and how truly amazing it is to get to peak into your life. you are an inspiring person, and i love reading your thoughts! it has to be terrifying to be so honest with 7000+ people, i can't even imagine! but i hope that the support always finds you more than the haters! its so incredibly stupid that those haters exist, but jees! i don't think i could ever every tell you how much your blog means to this one non hater! you're one awesome chica, thanks you for doing what you do, i know its not always easy!

    xoxo
    bee

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  46. I understand exactly where you're coming from. I don't have as big of an audience as you do, but I'm extremely cautious about what I write about because I'm afraid of scaring people away.

    I've noticed that a good chunk of people that follow me are religious and are very much so not the religion I practice. Because of this I'm afraid to write about certain things I do because they'll think I'm some kind of evil person, when I'm not. I don't know... But it's comforting to me that a blogger like you feels the same way about opening up about certain aspects of your daily life.

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  47. I always feel like no one is reading mine, and at a recent art show a very shy awkward high school girl came up to me almost crying, telling me how she was so inspired by my blog to try sewing and accepting who she is to try to be more brave. She was almost crying and almost made ME cry. Whether it's thousands or just that one reader, I feels great to know that it's affecting someone. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

    And your blog is divine. I love how you are yourself without apologies. Keep it up! We need more honest bloggers that are THEMSELVES! Not some polished "I'm so happy" blogger that takes pictures of themselves.

    BTW: You inspired me to buy a camper! I'm currently gutting a 73 Shasta Compact to take my business on the road and become more mobile. : )

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  48. It takes alot of bravery to put yourself out there. I think your concern is a good thing. It'll make it so you won't post anything you'll regret and delete later.

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  49. I struggle with this a lot on my blog. Actually earlier today I was writing a rather personal post and deleted what I wrote three times. I get a lot of feedback/comments on my personal posts though. I think the majority of people enjoy reading personal posts because they may be going through the same thing and they feel comforted knowing that someone else is going through the same thing. It's kind of like having a support group. I find that when I write about personal stuff I feel like my writing is so authentic. It makes me feel like I'm putting something meaningful out there. Keep on going, and don't be afraid to put it out there. I'm sure someone in need will connect with what you're saying. :)

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HEY! Thanks for dropping by. xo KB