This week's Honest To Blog is probably going to do nothing but make me sound a bit neurotic to be quite frank. I tend to have a handful of HTB topics lined up (or even written) but this one is something that sort of reared it's head this week and I felt compelled to talk about it (in hopes that I can fix it!). Being that i'm about 90% self-employed (lacking the 5-10 hours a week I bartend), I've found that I simply can't stop working. I don't know how to just "hang out" at home. I can't lay on the couch and watch tv or go get coffee with Mike without constantly feeling the need to work. I chock it up to the instability of freelance work and self employment. I think it terrifies me that I'm not relying on a set paycheck or salary every single week. My bank account is simply what I make it. Lately I've found myself diving into fifteen projects at once just to make sure we're comfortable and we can save for our wedding and store. Even at the City and Colour show last week I was answering emails on my phone! It's a habit that I just can't quit.
I guess working too much is slightly better than feeling too lazy to work at all, right? At this exact moment I'm working on fulfilling ebook orders, Kaelah's Closet orders, getting ready to launch Honeybean's online shoppe (tonight!), 2 website designs, 3 blog redesigns (with a 4th just being finished!), and my own personal projects and blogging. But I love that feeling. I love being busy. I love the feeling of crossing things off of my to do list and marking another project done. It's almost like it's an addiction.
After a few nights of 15 hour days on the ebook, Mike started to notice that I really just couldn't stop. It was 11pm and I was still on the computer, typing away, responding to emails while a document loaded or saved. At one point he came and physically removed me from my computer and sat me down on the couch. The other day he took me for a an hour and a half coffee date just so that I wouldn't come home and work on design projects.The good thing about our little date was that it ended up being one of the most inspiring talks we've ever had. I'm so grateful to have someone in my life that understands my incessant need to work or be doing something. But at the same time, I need to learn that it's okay to step away. It's okay to take a break or take a day off. (I actually started writing this for Sunday, November 20th, but then decided to take the day "off" to go with Mike to a photoshoot. So now I'm picking it back up!)
A lot of it too has to be the product of my computer/work station being smack in the middle of our house, and our house has no walls therefore I can see my computer from every single corner of our loft. It's almost as if it taunts me. "You could be kerning that text! You could be coding that layout! You could be answering your emails as soon as you receive them!" Plus, when your blog is so personally driven, it's hard not to think about it at all times when you're out doing things!
I'm not complaining in the slightest. I love my job. I love that "work" doesn't really feel like "work". I love the ability to make a living doing things I'm passionate about and being able to share it with all of y'all. I just wish I had a better "schedule". I even have to schedule in ukulele practice or an episode of Dexter. I'll work right up to it and most likely after. I know I need to find a balance, however, simply to avoid getting burnt out and abandoning everything at once. It's an exciting time in our household and we're taking great measures to ensure we get to share the Honeybean Dream with you. It just happens to be exhausting in the process (which makes for better sleep! :P)
With that being said, I have to ask... How many of you work from home or have found yourself in a similar position? How do you delegate what will happen today vs. tomorrow, and how do you know when it's time to walk away for the evening? I've tried working "set hours" but I always find myself in front of the tv looking at my computer and thinking "I could just go answer 10 emails..." How do you decide to clock out for the day? If you've never experienced this before, maybe you still have an idea you could share? Let me hear it! I'm all ears!
Now, I've got some designs to tend to! ;) Happy Sunday, honeybees!
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Honest To Blog is a weekly free-writing feature where I talk about things that are silly, frustrating, or whatever else. Sometimes they don't make sense, and sometimes they're controversial. But they're honest!