Fashion Blogs vs. Fatshion Blogs: The Line

While yesterday's little paragraph is still fresh on my mind thanks to some truly wonderful comments I received, I wanted to touch base on a few things and really get my opinion out there about something. What is with society's obsession with other people's weight?! It's one thing to self-obsess and worry about every calorie you consume, but to go do that about a total stranger is another entirely.

I marked the comment I received from "Anonymous" as spam because that's exactly what I saw it as. Spam. Spam from today's obsessive society trying to brainwash us all into thinking we're not good enough or that we need to be better, thinner, tanner, blonder. It's just not right. The real kicker to the anonymous comment was how it was worded. Anon wanted to seem like a concerned friend. For the sake of the post, I figure I might as well subject you to the ignorance as well:
"do you feel like you're gaining weight? i mean, wearing tights and dresses every day can be easy because tights and dresses are loose fitting so it accommodates weight gain. but looking at your photos from when you dated adam, you've gained at least 15 pounds, you are a lot heavier. maybe you should try and wear jeans more often, or go to the gym again! it seemed motivating for you before! wearing pants that make you feel a little uncomfortable can be a good reminder to not eat so much, just a friendly tip because i see your arms getting bigger too and you wouldn't want to stretch out your sick tatts!"
Truly ballsy, aren't they? Because if someone gains weight it automatically means that they eat too much. Or if they gain 5, 10, 15 pounds their entire body will be stricken with stretch marks. Because dresses means I can eat as much as I want and never have unbutton my pants. WHAT?! What is this garbage? I LOVE that they're telling me to wear something that makes me feel uncomfortable all the time so I'm constantly reminded of how much I weigh or what I look like! I also love that they try so hard to sound so sweet and sincere, when all they're trying to do is get a rude, malicious comment out there. "You're fat!" is all they're saying. Like I said yesterday, are you aware that I do indeed own a mirror? I see my pictures. In fact, I see the ones that are far less flattering than those posted… but I still post them. Why? Because I'm okay with me. I like me. I think I'm a rather cool gal. 

Am I healthy? You betcha! Am I intelligent? You know it! Am I educated? Sure am! Am I driven? Oh yeah! Am I a good person? I'd like to think so. Who cares if I'm fat or skinny or black or white or asian? I don't… so why do you?! Why are you so wrapped up in what I do with myself? I'm merely pixels on a screen to you…

Anyway - that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is to celebrate everything we are. Whether others see it as a good or bad thing. We are who we are and it's completely irrelevant if they approve. 

I had this conversation with Mike a few weeks ago how it bothered me that a normal girl, or chubby girl, or fat girl is automatically lumped into the "FATshion" bloggers category if she posts about her outfits. I wear normal clothes. I don't shop at Torrid or Lane Bryant or any plus-size specific chains, not that there is anything wrong with that in the slightest. (I do own those Faith 21 jeans from Forever 21 though and they are brilliant for $12!) I can walk into any department store and get dressed most of the time… so why are there people pressuring me to label myself as a Fatshion blogger (when I'm not even a fashion blogger to begin with)? Why do there have to be distinct lines? Last time I checked, the average American female was a size 14… I wear a 12 (not that it matters), but I still get bullied. No, I'm not tiny. I probably never will be. I've got hips for days and I could starve myself skinny but I'd probably never be smaller than an 8 because of how my body is made. I'm okay with it. You should be, too.

Do I read some fatshion blogs? Absolutely. Do I feel inspired by the way a 200 or 250 pound gal can dress herself and still be chic and stylish? You know it. Do I simultaneously feel inspired by the 115 pound 5'7" girl rocking her clothes? Of course! We don't have to limit ourselves or our inspirations from things that are exactly like us. I'd like to think a 100 pound girl could read my blog and still be inspired. Or the 250 pound girl. Asian, white, black, Latino, etc. Why is the weight card the only one that seems to be so prominent among blogs?! 

If you want to label yourself a plus size blogger or a fatshion blogger, by all means, go for it! But don't feel like you HAVE to simply because you wear something bigger than a 10 or a 12. That's nonsense. I've met so many wonderful girls through blogging and it's been the best experience. But you occasionally have those pig-headed folk who try to waltz in and make everyone else feel bad about themselves. Why? Why do you do it, anonymous? I bet someone made you feel bad about yourself at one point in your life. I bet they pointed out your big ears, lovehandles, freckles, or crooked eye… and for that, I'm truly sorry. I'm so sorry that someone could be so mean to you. But you also have to understand that rushing back out into the world to spew off the same ignorance to other strangers won't make you feel good about yourself. Instead, you're just going to feel lonely and sad and cruel.  Why aren't we spreading more love around the blogosphere?

If you think I'm fat, that's cool. You're totally entitled to that opinion. You are not, however, entitled to spout off that load of nonsense on my blog and to my readers. They're not here to be brought down by your bigotry. 

Someone in my Formspring asked about some plus sized bloggers the other day and I have a small list of ones that I follow. I also snagged some from thefatgirlsguide.com (Don't worry, you don't have to be a fat girl to be inspired by these wonderful ladies! Their blogs are full of fashion, food (how taboo!), events, and inspiration.) If you'd like to add any to the list, please leave them in a comment below!
  • pluseyes.tumblr.com
  • therotund.tumblr.com
  • heyfatchick.tumblr.com
  • http://thefatgirlsguide.com/
  • messycarla.blogspot.com
  • definatalie.tumblr.com
  • curvesahead.tumblr.com
  • fakefuckery.tumblr.com
  • fuckyeahangryfatgrrrls.tumblr.com
  • kitchenknivesandcherrybombs.tumblr.com
  • ilovefat.tumblr.com
  • fatgirlsguide.tumblr.com
  • prettyhotandthick.tumblr.com
  • riotsnotdiets.tumblr.com
  • mohandasghandi.tumblr.com
  • weighty.tumblr.com
  • donewiththisshit.tumblr.com
  • bbwprincess.tumblr.com
  • genderbitch.tumblr.com
  • thef-word.tumblr.com
  • fiercefatties.tumblr.com

I think the important part of fashion blogging or just generally getting dressed is to be sure you're dressing for your body type. Yes, I wear dresses every single day, but that's because dresses flatter my smaller waist and my big ol' hips & booty. I don't get the same satisfaction out of high waisted skirts or shorts. While I definitely make my fashion mistakes (oh believe me, I do!), I like to think I have a general understanding of what is totally wrong for me (and thus I avoid it). You could be a size 4 and wear the wrong thing and end up looking like a size 12... just like you can be a size 16 and wear the perfect silhouette and look like a size 6. No one else knows what is on your tag! Dress in stuff that fits! Even the tiniest girls wear some of the tightest things and it just hugs them in all the wrong places! Don't be afraid to buy a size up simply because of the number on the tag! You'll end up looking 3 sizes smaller because it fits! Don't squeeze your butt into a size 11 if you need a 13! You'll look like you need a 15! 

With that being said, I want to thank all of you who were so kind and sweet in yesterday's post, but I also hope you realize that I'm not upset about the comment. I'm more upset about how blogging is turning some people into catty high schoolers and such. I don't let silly comments like that through (though I've only received 2 in the past few months, knock on wood) because I don't need an army of blog readers to defend me or tell me I'm not fat or whatever. I'm perfectly capable of letting things like that slide off of me because I know there is no merit in their words. My comment policy allows people to state their mind, but there is a line drawn when it's just meant to be malicious or hurtful toward me or anyone I feature. :) Hope I didn't talk your ears off, y'all! Bare those arms, ladies! Even if they jiggle! And always remember – You are 100% worthy of wonderful things in life and you are beautiful exactly the way you are!

49 comments:

  1. I can totally agree with this whole post! I'm an English size 12 (a US 8, I think) and I post outfit photos and STILL feel fat. It's hard when the most successful fashion bloggers tend to be thin... I'm not thin - I'm curvy and learning to love it, slowly!

    You are a) not fat b) beautiful and c) inspirational. Even if you weren't a and b, you would still be c. x

    ▲ WOLF WHISTLE ▲

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  2. I haven't been on lately but just reading that last post all I can say is WOW. They have really big balls calling you fat in a round about way, then try to word it like they're being helpful. I would have never considered you a fashion blogger (although you have lovely outfit posts) and you are NOWHERE near plus sized. I personally think you look like one of the "skinny bitches". But hey someone is always going to have something to say... f$ck them. As long as we're happy with ourselves, everyone else can kick rocks. Besides those hips will come in handy when your having a baby... they sure did with me... 2 natural births and counting!!!

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  3. I think the person honestly thought they were being nice and helpful. That blows my mind! My weight has jumped around a bit, and through it all, I learned to love and accept myself. That's the most important thing. I have to wonder if Anon, is just completely insecure with whoever they are, and decided to try and push their insecurities on you. Too bad :(
    I love your blog, for the inspiration it gives me. You dress great, and you are a beautiful girl. Keep up the awesome blogging!
    Tabitha

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  4. i think it is important to remember that for YEARS, a woman's body is typically celebrated for those BABY BEARING hips for a reason. I have small waist but hips and thighs for days. My boyfriend is easily 30lbs lighter than me, but he loves the curves. the saddest part, is majority of men love curvy women. it is other females that have to announce to the world that others aren't "thin" enough. we should be empowering each other, not encouraging each other to be a size 0. i would rather encourage healthy lifestyles to women of average size than unhealthy lifestyles to women that look pencil thin.

    keep that positive vibe for everyone!
    leigh

    teaandluv.wordpress.com

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  5. I don't want to sound like one of those "You go girl" type of comments but seriously I love that you have totally not changed anything and you flat out refuse to. I adore woman and it seriously upsets me that woman are bombarded from birth with these preconceived notions that they aren't good enough if they don't look a certain way. Yes, guys get this but it is to a lesser extent.

    It's about time that everyone wakes up to the fact that most of people are just not able to be the size and shape of the woman in the magazines and on the cat walk, you know the ones that are "apparently" the size and shape everyone should look like. To quote a friend "There are so few voluptuous girls (or indeed ANY girls at all) who are truly happy with themselves as our society does an irreversible, motherfucking hatchet job on them from birth"

    I personally love curves and there is nothing quite like it for me, but this is my view and I know this is not the only thing that makes a woman a woman.

    The comments left by "anon" (Wow, who would have guessed these comments would have been left by someone with a name that resembles all the other spineless fucking children that are allowed to frequent the internet and voice supposed opinions just so they can bash others that for no reason they take acception to) are just an example of why we are still too busy bringing other people down rather than actually working together to actually attain peace and harmony with our fellow man (or woman or whatever you want to live by).

    I'm probably ranting but I just wanted to put this out there that as much as there are people out there who feel the need to voice shitty opinions negatively, there are people who oppose them just as strongly.

    Keep doing what you do my love, you are an inspiration to people that read your blog and never let these children change who you are and what you do.

    Andrew

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  6. Rock on, blog sista! You are awesome!!!

    http://thefreckledmarauder.blogspot.com/

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  7. you have the best attitude in the world. i ♥ you.

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  8. I really hate how (pretty much anonymous) people try and get bloggers and other people on the internet to change. Like really?! Ugh people really frustrate me on the internet these days. I'm glad you're able to just say no, I am who I am and I'm not changing because you want me to.

    Little Sugar Monster

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  9. well done for calling them out on something so catty. haters to da left. i sincerely believe that your blog inspires people, that is a magical thing. whether you were 50 pounds heavier or 50 pounds lighter, you'd still be rocking, because you are you.

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  10. I have been struggling with being overweight my whole life! I grew up in a small private school, so I was always snickered at and left out of the "cool crowd" because I wasn't a stick-thin dancer. I'm so glad you addressed this, because I've been hovering around fashion-y type blogs for a while and always thought, "I would love to do this, but I'm not skinny, no one would want to see that." But I started exercising and watching what I eat, and even though I haven't lost much, I stopped beating myself up so much and I use my blog to keep myself accountable and to show myself that I DO look good in my clothes, even though I'm a size 10/12. (that was a long sentence) It has helped a lot, but ultimately I just want to be healthy and avoid problems later in life. I think you're beautiful and your blog is definitely one of my favs!

    I wear dress all the time too, because I like to be feminine! Because I'm a female. Go figure. Lots of skinny girls wear nothing but dresses too, because they're stylish AND comfortable! I don't like pants because my thigh-hip ratio results in strange fits. Sure, I wear jeans or shorts sometimes, but I feel my best in a dress :]

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  11. i love women who look like women and women who are not afraid to stand up for themselves :)

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  12. here's to the girls with the hips! this post was amazing, and not just because it fought for those of us with some curves, but because you did it in a way that ANON can't really argue with! So really here's to us intelligent girls with the hips!

    ps.i love the size you are, mainly because it's pretty much the exact size i am!!! which reminds me i should go check out your closet...

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  13. wonderful post love.
    as i get older i become more comfortable in my own body..
    but when i was younger...
    i had the worst body self image.
    i wish girls could just love themselves and not worry away their youth.
    xoox

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  14. Amen! I wrote a paper last semester about adolescent girls and body dissatisfaction. Weight plagues American society and few of us are ever content with our appearances thanks to the impossible standards set by our media.
    You are awesome, but you already now that. Sadly others are not as awesome or content with their lives and they need to spread their negativity. Boo!

    Thanks for the reminder that we don't have to live up to anyone's standards but our own!

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  15. I'm here via PaperCakes. This is a gorgeous post. Thank you. You have a new reader in me.

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  16. God I love you. Amen sister.

    And I TOTALLY look to your fashion, you are fabulous.

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  17. Isn't that the major kicker? That the average woman in America is a size 14 but there's so much shaming involved in our culture about weight?

    Weird stuff.

    p.s. I'm super happy you wrote this post. It's not okay to allow people like that to get to you. Even if they feel that you're fat or whatever, they had no right going through all the effort of typing it out and posting it on YOUR blog. What a loser!

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  18. I LOVE your blog!!!
    {I just need to tell you that!} I can't believe someone would be cruel as to write you that ridiculous and unnecessary comment. I can't imagine that anyone would wast the time in their busy day to write something so awful!
    Let me tell you this: You are beautiful!!!!! Inside and out.
    I adore your fashion sense and your lovely outlook on life.
    You wear the cutest outfits and I wish I could put together outfits just HALF as cute and original as yours!! You are such an inspiration and I am so glad that you don't let a couple of small minded comments slow you down!!!!!
    Lots and lots of love,
    Megan
    xoxoxoxox

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  19. I love every single word of this awesome post!
    You are very inspirational (I've tweeted you this before) and I love your attitude and your style!

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  20. Good post! I'm chubby, no really, I am and am happy to be so! I spent my entire 20's (10 years ya'all) struggling to be a size 6/8. I am now a solid 16/18 if I want it to be baggy...and I've never been happier! I let go of starving myself when I had to learn to walk again after spine surgery. There is so much more to life then size, and they make awesome clothes in all sizes! Love your blog, love you, don't change a d@mn thing about yourself, Kaelah! You rock..and I think your tiny...you can call yourself fluffy if you go up 6 sizes :). Hearts, janna lynn

    http://shewearscrazywell.blogspot.com

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  21. Oh good god! That Anon seems like one of those people who would say rude things to ANYONE just because they can and blame it on their "personality" or "just the way they are." Those people, who I can't stand are so off putting and appalling. This person reminds me of someone whose mother or other person they looked up to actually looked down upon them and constantly criticized them. How that Anon thinks that is an okay thing to tell someone or even think it was THOUGHTFUL is grotesque to me. Also, the fact that a stranger "cares" that much to say that is mind blowing. You are a great person, it is so messed up the things people say to you. Why does everything have to be a size issue. Focus on how great the outfit is and how well they pull it off! That's what I do :)

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  22. Haha, go you!

    I've just recently found your blog and really enjoy every moment of it :) I'm a UK 8 (American 2 or 4 I believe) and I'm faaar too self conscious to post pictures of myself on my blog. It has nothing to do with the numbers on your label, it's how you feel in yourself that matters :)

    Katie xox

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  23. aww, this post is so great. You are truly inspiring Kaelah. Keep it up :)

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  24. Kaelah,
    This was a really inspiring email. And I owe you an email soon, I just need to grow the balls to do it!

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  25. Thank you lady! Thank you for calling Anon out. I would've done the same thing. The thing is, that society knows that the 105lb girl gets PS'd to look even skinnier. What they don't realize is that the 130lb girl ALSO gets PS'd. Sometimes to look heavier, sometimes to look curvier. As a fellow VisCom'er we understand that EVERY image in a magazine is edited in some way or another. I think that gives us a perspective that other people don't have. So as long as you feel happy and comfortable and love the way you look then some other person, who doesn't even have the balls to put a name to such a malicious comment, doesn't have the right to say anything.

    Just give'em the bird and don't think twice about it.
    As they say, Hater's gonna hate.

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  26. I can't even believe that someone would think they had any right to comment on your weight like that!! OMFG !! I don't know if that person can walk around with the size of the balls they must have! I used to be a skinny thing when I was little but after puberty I've got big boobs, a big butt, thick thighs and wide hips but I love me, I look like a woman, nice and soft. Who wants to weigh 95 pounds, be all boney and look like a 12 year old boy?! Gross!! (also you totally hit a point with me about the freckles, I'm covered...I'm Irish, it's who I am but I was picked on a lot as a kid, I even tried to bleach them!) You are beautiful! F that person!!

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  27. You're such a good role model! I'm stealing some of these thoughts to tell myself when I'm having a bad day...

    Thanks for the blog list of normal girls to check out! Now that I'm older, and wiser, I'm learning that not everyone can wear every trend and clothes that fit are SO much better than clothes that barely fit. It's a learning process but being comfortable with yourself is the key!

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  28. what...the hell...
    who is this anonomyous person who keeps leaving you these things spuratically?
    like i said before, this anonomyous poster's blood sugar must be low from not eating & decides to lash out.
    I posted a video on youtube that was about an emotional story and some people told me to lose weight and such (i know some are probably trolls and such, but it still's rude)
    you are beautiful.
    you have your little family who think so, and i'm thinking all these people posting comments.
    :)

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  29. i think you are a very cool gal and i love your sick tatts, the way you dress and what you blog about. people need to realize that if they don't have something nice to say, then they really shouldn't say anything at all! i love that you are constantly in dresses, you inspire me to wear them more often so THANK YOU! YOU ROCK to me : )

    lifespelledjen.blogspot.com

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  30. I love this post! Firstly, what an arse of that person to come onto your blog and berate your for your weight and try to palm it off as being nice. Secondly, I think you look adorable in all the outfits you wear and you should never wear something you don't feel comfortable in. Lastly, we are all the same on the inside so I don't know why society these days is so concerned with the outside image. If you are a loving, healthy and happy human being then it shouldn't matter if people think your too fat, too skinny, too anything. Just be yourself and be happy with yourself and that is all that matters!

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  31. And I totally commented on the wrong post....i have no idea how that happened.....but my rant went here.

    This is the greatest post ever written.

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  32. Amen sister! Thank you for posting this. You're really inspiring. I absolutely love your blog & read every post. :)

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  33. This needed to be said! Awesome girl!

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  34. I can not believe someone would say that to you! I am appalled. You are absolutely gorgeous and I am so glad you wrote this post, more girls need to realize that they are who they are and whatever anyone else thinks doesn't matter! And other people need to learn to keep their mouths shut, if you ain't gonna say something nice don't say a dang thing at all!!

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  35. I realize that I don't wear jeans as much anymore because I'm really not comfortable in them. The biggest problem is that because of my delicious large hips they are always falling down! I fashion ideas that involve skirts and dresses because they are more flattering, feminine, and I can wear them without working about a crack attack!
    Sure its hard to find ones that fit because of my small waist and big bootie but I've actually found a way that I love to dress now! Thank you for being so steadfastly you.
    Also,
    I am a born blonde and adore my natural color. I've always hated blonde jokes and the "California blonde" image that people automatically label me with.
    Since going dark red a month ago I have felt more...me.

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  36. Wow, just WOW. How ballsy of anonymous to concern troll you like that. Jesus H.
    I can't even begin to tell you how much a comment like that infuriates me. Thinness does not automatically equal healthy.
    I appreciate you posting this and being so straightforward in your reaction to the commenter. Weight and body positivity has been on my mind a lot lately for a variety of personal and health reasons - it's been resulting in lots of concern trolling in person too. People need to just get over it and turn those mirrors back on themselves.

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  37. Oh girl I love your blog, and I ALWAYs get inspired by what you're wearing! Oh, and by the way, Im 100 lbs and I have NEVER gave it a thought to what you weigh. Who ever wrote you that comment is lame. you cute =]

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  38. Thank you so much for that post xoxo Came across from the (round about ;) link from WeLoveColors :)

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  39. I'm sure "anonymous" isn't a stick thin girl who hates curvy girls. She's hating on you because she feels bad about herself and wants to take it out on others.
    Oh, internet bullying :/

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  40. I just have to throw in my 2 cents.

    Especially on these particular issues.
    Weight.
    Girl on Girl bullying.


    My personal opinion on why girls feel compelled to focus on the weight of other girls is simply that they are victims to this criticism, themselves. Either internally, or externally.

    So when they see someone else who hasn't let this sort of abuse ruin or tarnish their self esteem, they envy it..and try to level them out with the same bullcrap they hear/say to themselves.

    It drives me up the wallssssssss when I hear beautiful girls pull themselves apart. No matter how much they weigh, how amazing their complexion is, how straight their teeth are, how great they put a look together, how smart or articulate they are...it has to come down to what size jeans they wear.

    Do you realize how NUTS that is?

    You're a beautiful girl. That's a DUH. But it's everything else about you...not your clothes..not your body type (but I do envy that waist line. You're built like a beauty.)...that keeps me coming back to read what you have to say.
    You have a sweet disposition in every word you type out, and it's magnetic. I like nice girls...and girl, yous a nice girl.

    How come we can't give each other high fives, and cat calls? Why we be nasty and pretend to be sitting on a panel of judges?

    Hug yourself, anonymous. Just hug yourself.

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  41. WOW. First of all, I love how they were so caring that they felt the need to remain anonymous (despite having lurked your blog for ages, apparently, to notice your weight change over a such a long period of time).

    I'm even more appalled that they felt they had a right to say anything about YOUR weight - and by comment, no less. Classy.

    To me, you've always come off as an active person who eats healthy and is upfront/content with her body type, WHATEVER it may be (an awesome example for your younger readers).

    But the bigger point here is that regardless of what we readers think we know about you via this blog, it's not anyone's place to butt in and judge.

    Anon could afford to quit looking at your thighs for a second and address her own insecurities.

    (Sorry for the novel!)

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  42. Just honestly want to say that I adore you and your entire mindset. I am someone who has always been way too hard on myself for my weight and appearance, always taking in the negative opinions of others. I am ashamed of the way I think about myself, and how awful I've been to myself for so long. But just reading your words and seeing how comfortable you are with yourself and how strongly you feel is really refreshing for me. I honestly have never seen a woman with such a positive attitude about herself before (which I guess also speaks to our society these days.) It is really making me think and reevaluate things. You probably can't stop the nasty attitudes of people out there, but I just wanna say that you have affected me and make me want to change my entire attitude of myself. :) ♥

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  43. what the FUCK?! whoever wrote that sucks at life. you're fab and i love your blog!

    next!

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  44. I LOVED this post. Thank you for writing it. Why can't beauty be treated as OBJECTIVE? Everyone is beautiful, no matter what their size. Sigh....

    As for 'fatshion' blogs, I am a size ten and I consider myself to be 'average'. I have not received many nasty comments yet, but I am sure that I will someday!

    coffeeandacardigan.blogspot.com

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  45. I feel you! I'm an 8, and it pisses me off that even though I am by no means 'fat' society makes me feel obese. When I was in high school I was on the other end of things and had people telling me I was too skinny and should eat food. Now I have people suggest diets that might help me feel a little better about myself. SERIOUSLY?! How does anyone think it's their place to give me advice like that? If I was looking for opinions I would definitely ask...ARRGGG....I am happier with myself now than I was when I weighed 100 lbs...

    You are beautiful. I envy your lovely red hair, as much as I LOVE your red tights!

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  46. beautiful post!! I'm definitely following your blog and and so glad i've come across it. I get the same thing about making my blog into a fatshion even though i'm a size 10. it's absurd to say the least. i will proudly join the list and can't wait to see the other blogs you've linked. thank you so much for being you, i adore your blog and am so happy to have found another southern woman with some sass :)

    MN
    www.serenityandstyle.blogspot.com

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  47. I love this so much <3 I follow you on tumblr and I honestly think you are such an inspiration! I've spent most of my lift trying to lose weight, mostly for someone else. You words will stay with me from now on, instead of theirs! <3<3<3

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HEY! Thanks for dropping by. xo KB