While yesterday's little paragraph is still fresh on my mind thanks to some truly wonderful comments I received, I wanted to touch base on a few things and really get my opinion out there about something. What is with society's obsession with other people's weight?! It's one thing to self-obsess and worry about every calorie you consume, but to go do that about a total stranger is another entirely.
I marked the comment I received from "Anonymous" as spam because that's exactly what I saw it as. Spam. Spam from today's obsessive society trying to brainwash us all into thinking we're not good enough or that we need to be better, thinner, tanner, blonder. It's just not right. The real kicker to the anonymous comment was how it was worded. Anon wanted to seem like a concerned friend. For the sake of the post, I figure I might as well subject you to the ignorance as well:
"do you feel like you're gaining weight? i mean, wearing tights and dresses every day can be easy because tights and dresses are loose fitting so it accommodates weight gain. but looking at your photos from when you dated adam, you've gained at least 15 pounds, you are a lot heavier. maybe you should try and wear jeans more often, or go to the gym again! it seemed motivating for you before! wearing pants that make you feel a little uncomfortable can be a good reminder to not eat so much, just a friendly tip because i see your arms getting bigger too and you wouldn't want to stretch out your sick tatts!"
Truly ballsy, aren't they? Because if someone gains weight it automatically means that they eat too much. Or if they gain 5, 10, 15 pounds their entire body will be stricken with stretch marks. Because dresses means I can eat as much as I want and never have unbutton my pants. WHAT?! What is this garbage? I LOVE that they're telling me to wear something that makes me feel uncomfortable all the time so I'm constantly reminded of how much I weigh or what I look like! I also love that they try so hard to sound so sweet and sincere, when all they're trying to do is get a rude, malicious comment out there. "You're fat!" is all they're saying. Like I said yesterday, are you aware that I do indeed own a mirror? I see my pictures. In fact, I see the ones that are far less flattering than those posted… but I still post them. Why? Because I'm okay with me. I like me. I think I'm a rather cool gal.
Am I healthy? You betcha! Am I intelligent? You know it! Am I educated? Sure am! Am I driven? Oh yeah! Am I a good person? I'd like to think so. Who cares if I'm fat or skinny or black or white or asian? I don't… so why do you?! Why are you so wrapped up in what I do with myself? I'm merely pixels on a screen to you…
Anyway - that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is to celebrate everything we are. Whether others see it as a good or bad thing. We are who we are and it's completely irrelevant if they approve.
I had this conversation with Mike a few weeks ago how it bothered me that a normal girl, or chubby girl, or fat girl is automatically lumped into the "FATshion" bloggers category if she posts about her outfits. I wear normal clothes. I don't shop at Torrid or Lane Bryant or any plus-size specific chains, not that there is anything wrong with that in the slightest. (I do own those Faith 21 jeans from Forever 21 though and they are brilliant for $12!) I can walk into any department store and get dressed most of the time… so why are there people pressuring me to label myself as a Fatshion blogger (when I'm not even a fashion blogger to begin with)? Why do there have to be distinct lines? Last time I checked, the average American female was a size 14… I wear a 12 (not that it matters), but I still get bullied. No, I'm not tiny. I probably never will be. I've got hips for days and I could starve myself skinny but I'd probably never be smaller than an 8 because of how my body is made. I'm okay with it. You should be, too.
Do I read some fatshion blogs? Absolutely. Do I feel inspired by the way a 200 or 250 pound gal can dress herself and still be chic and stylish? You know it. Do I simultaneously feel inspired by the 115 pound 5'7" girl rocking her clothes? Of course! We don't have to limit ourselves or our inspirations from things that are exactly like us. I'd like to think a 100 pound girl could read my blog and still be inspired. Or the 250 pound girl. Asian, white, black, Latino, etc. Why is the weight card the only one that seems to be so prominent among blogs?!
If you want to label yourself a plus size blogger or a fatshion blogger, by all means, go for it! But don't feel like you HAVE to simply because you wear something bigger than a 10 or a 12. That's nonsense. I've met so many wonderful girls through blogging and it's been the best experience. But you occasionally have those pig-headed folk who try to waltz in and make everyone else feel bad about themselves. Why? Why do you do it, anonymous? I bet someone made you feel bad about yourself at one point in your life. I bet they pointed out your big ears, lovehandles, freckles, or crooked eye… and for that, I'm truly sorry. I'm so sorry that someone could be so mean to you. But you also have to understand that rushing back out into the world to spew off the same ignorance to other strangers won't make you feel good about yourself. Instead, you're just going to feel lonely and sad and cruel. Why aren't we spreading more love around the blogosphere?
If you think I'm fat, that's cool. You're totally entitled to that opinion. You are not, however, entitled to spout off that load of nonsense on my blog and to my readers. They're not here to be brought down by your bigotry.
Someone in my Formspring asked about some plus sized bloggers the other day and I have a small list of ones that I follow. I also snagged some from thefatgirlsguide.com (Don't worry, you don't have to be a fat girl to be inspired by these wonderful ladies! Their blogs are full of fashion, food (how taboo!), events, and inspiration.) If you'd like to add any to the list, please leave them in a comment below!
I think the important part of fashion blogging or just generally getting dressed is to be sure you're dressing for your body type. Yes, I wear dresses every single day, but that's because dresses flatter my smaller waist and my big ol' hips & booty. I don't get the same satisfaction out of high waisted skirts or shorts. While I definitely make my fashion mistakes (oh believe me, I do!), I like to think I have a general understanding of what is totally wrong for me (and thus I avoid it). You could be a size 4 and wear the wrong thing and end up looking like a size 12... just like you can be a size 16 and wear the perfect silhouette and look like a size 6. No one else knows what is on your tag! Dress in stuff that fits! Even the tiniest girls wear some of the tightest things and it just hugs them in all the wrong places! Don't be afraid to buy a size up simply because of the number on the tag! You'll end up looking 3 sizes smaller because it fits! Don't squeeze your butt into a size 11 if you need a 13! You'll look like you need a 15!
With that being said, I want to thank all of you who were so kind and sweet in yesterday's post, but I also hope you realize that I'm not upset about the comment. I'm more upset about how blogging is turning some people into catty high schoolers and such. I don't let silly comments like that through (though I've only received 2 in the past few months, knock on wood) because I don't need an army of blog readers to defend me or tell me I'm not fat or whatever. I'm perfectly capable of letting things like that slide off of me because I know there is no merit in their words. My comment policy allows people to state their mind, but there is a line drawn when it's just meant to be malicious or hurtful toward me or anyone I feature. :) Hope I didn't talk your ears off, y'all! Bare those arms, ladies! Even if they jiggle! And always remember – You are 100% worthy of wonderful things in life and you are beautiful exactly the way you are!