// Pregnancy Diaries - v.1


seventeen weeks

I've been wanting to write specifically about my pregnancy for a while now, but despite sitting on top of a handful of half-finished posts, I just haven't done it yet. To be honest it still feels so surreal. I haven't felt Baby Flynn kick yet, though I'm sure that'll bring ~*ALL THE FEELZ. Right now the only obvious sign of this bun in the oven is my ever-growing midsection (plus insatiable appetite and chronic fatigue!) I'm at 18.5 weeks now... almost halfway there, yet it feels like it hasn't even started yet.

I've spent a lot of time daydreaming about being pregnant. What if wear and how I'd look. Wondering if I'd read or sing to the baby. Actually being pregnant has been a new experience in and of itself. Those "preparation" books don't tell you about feeling totally awkward the entire time! Is that just me?! I mean, I know there's a baby in there and all, but how am I supposed to not feel slightly silly talking to my belly?! Haha and looking cute?! Please! I hardly have the energy to even entertain that thought.

did you know they made insanely cute shark stuff for babies?!

My absence on the blog for December and January was incredibly obvious, but man I couldn't even manage to get off the couch most days! Aside from battling some not-so-fun nausea, I didn't throw up the first time. (Huzzah! Throwing up is my "first worst"... I'm like Jerry Seinfeld because I keep up with how long it's been. 3 years, 7 weeks. Thank you very much). The fatigue was (and still is) pretty awful though. I let so much slide in those 2 months. I've been playing a mad game of catch up ever since. But without a doubt the hardest part of the first trimester was the anxiety. I know I'm ultra hormonal and all, but rarely did a day pass where I didn't just cry out of absolute fear. Fear that something unexplainable would happen at any moment (I still fear this... and even if I have a healthy, happy pregnancy (and baby), I'm sure that fear won't go away.) It's not something I've told many people before, but my #1 fear in life is that I couldn't/wouldn't be able to have children. So when I saw those (four! Because apparently I didn't believe the first three...) positive pregnancy tests, I almost let my fear overshadow my excitement.

a gorgeous package for my boys from brittany + my friends at the hunt

So many of my friends have experienced such profound losses. Whether it was loss during pregnancy or just trouble conceiving, my heart aches for them. And such a large part of me felt guilty when I found out we were expecting. I wasn't sure how to celebrate our news without feeling like a traitor of sorts. I know no one can be blamed for these sorts of things, and I truly do know what a blessing a pregnancy is (especially a healthy one thus far). I guess part of me will always hurt for those I hold near and dear. I'm not even sure this was a complete thought. Do y'all at least get what I mean?

Lately, as my belly grows, I've found myself sort of "cradling" it with my hands. Mike and I were walking into a store the other day and he made a silly quip about it, but that's when it became apparent to me. It's almost like I'm trying to protect it or something. Like most pregnant women, I'm hyper aware of buggies, cars, and other shoppers. But not only that, but I'm also starting to feel that "connection" with the baby. Like HELLO! There's an actual human *growing* inside of me right now! It's so totally bizarre and animalistic. It's amazing, but brain boggling. I don't even notice that I'm doing it most of the time, but chances are if you see me out and about I've got my hands all over my belly. I want to make sure I don't miss any movement or any "time" touching the baby. Is that totally silly?! Haha

only the best for this baby haha! (long live a league of their own!)

I've started living in jeggings and maternity v-necks because then I actually get to look (and feel) pregnant. The dresses of mine that still fit just make me look like I've chowed down at a Mexican buffet haha I know I'll probably grow tired of it down the line, but right now it's fun when people notice. (Though the few unsolicited and slight rude comments I've received could have been done without!) the good with the bad I guess. I'm sure I'll balloon up before long, but the "looking pregnant" part is so fun for right now!

Just thinking about my pregnancy being half over total spins my head. There's so much I want to say and share, but I've made sure to tread lightly thus far, assuring myself that I won't become a pregnancy/mommy blog. Still, I want to document these things, even if they're not the most relatable or popular across the board. Growing a new life is something each expectant mom experiences differently. I want to be able to look back on this for years to come. Plus it'll be funny to glance back at the insanely expensive baby stuff I was lusting after (but will never buy because, uh, too rich for my blood!) You should see my make-believe baby registry... it's stupid crazy. (A girl can dream!)

sixteen weeks

I definitely plan on going back and finishing the several posts I have in my drafts. Even if just to humor myself! Despite the occasional uncomfortable moment, I've absolutely loved being pregnant so far. It's so hard for me to fathom that I'm actually experiencing all of this first hand... Knowing that I'll have two precious boys to call my own (in just a few months!) is absolutely amazing. Hearing Toby talk about his baby brother makes me just well up!

Thanks for letting me share such personal parts of our lives here. I know I rarely shy away from "filler" content and things that'll appeal to the masses, but it's these honest, personal posts that make me love this space so much. It really is like having hundreds (thousands?!) of best friends. Yall are always so supportive!

PS; Does documenting your growing baby bump *ever* get old?! I have so much fun trying to notice the progress each and every day. It's hard not to post a photo every time haha! Sometimes it feels like the baby has doubled in size in a matter of hours, but that's probably just my big lunch talking...

36 comments:

  1. This is my first comment, even if I've been enjoying your posts for more than two years now. I simply wanted to say "wow!", "congrats!", "you look wonderful!" but also "thanks".
    Thanks a lot actually for being so kind in this article. We are one of the couples who struggle to conceive and I have had my share of nasty/heartless comments about that. I struggle every day to try and forget the fears I have that "it" will not happen.
    This post has been so nice to read, so full of happiness, love and care. You made me feel like we are on the way to parenthood as well. There are tears in my eyes now but they are not sad ones, not today.
    Thank you so much for that. Really, thank you so, so, so much.

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    1. I can't even begin to know what that must feel like, despite being the one thing I fear most in life. Please know that I'm sending you and your partner SO much love though! Always! <3

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  2. Oh wow, look at that little bump! You look amazing! I love reading about your pregnancy and I'm so glad you're sharing it with us! And those shark booties are ridiculously cute! x

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  3. I rarely took my hand/s off of my belly when I was pregnant. It just felt right, y'know? It was soothing for me and I am absolutely hippie enough to think that those feelings transferred to The Little Man. I also felt a bit of guilt when I found out I was pregnant. We had been trying for years, but still, I have the same heartbreak and loss in the lives of my friends and while I knew they would be over-the-moon for my husband and I, I wanted to be careful and respectful of their journeys.

    You are wonderful. Your blog is one of my favourites. I am so, so thrilled for you and your family! (And you look freaking adorable!) Hugehughuge congratulations!

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  4. This reminded me of you. I'm sure with a little altering of the tutorial, could be a shark ;)
    http://www.sewmamasew.com/2014/02/drygoods-design-whale-tutorial/

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  5. I saw this the other day, and reminded me of you. I'm sure with a little altering of the tutorial, it would be the cutest little stuffed shark to sit on a shelf until your little one is big enough to play with it. I bet it's also make for some awesome photos :)
    http://www.sewmamasew.com/2014/02/drygoods-design-whale-tutorial/

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  6. I think we all enjoy getting to hear of your experiences, from the good, the bad and the awkward. :)

    So feel free to share.

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  7. aw kaelah, you're glowing! I'm so happy you're loving your pregnancy, and I totally get you about the fear of not being able to have kids. I know I have a few years left before I start trying, but I just can't see myself actually being pregnant! It seems like a myth or something to me!
    We all know you'll be a great mom, because you've been such an awesome one for Toby. I'm so excited for you lady!

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  8. You look so beautiful! And you already know this, but I'm so happy for you. It's so wonderful to see you go through the amazing process of pregnancy, especially having just been through it myself. Love you lady!

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  9. I loved reading this post, because that is my #1 fear about starting a family, that I would be on red alert the entire time with nerves. Kicking too much? Not kicking enough? What the heck is that thing doing in there? I would talk to it/cradle the bump, too! "Reassure me, little dude, you don't ok?" While I lean towards hypochondria with just myself in this rattletrap body, I have daydreamed (daynightmared?) before of how with a whole other life in here to worry about, how much more fraught with anxiety I would be about its well being. So I'm glad to hear that's normal and you're getting through it! You are simply glowing in your baby bump updates and honestly it's exciting hearing about how it's going. Here's to not throwing up (victory!) and I wish you luck with the rest of the waiting period before you get to meet the new little addition to your family! :D

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  10. Cutest pregnant lady ever! You are so honest (as always) & I really love it, all the matters in the end is that you do what's right for you & the baby :) Sending you love & hugs from DC <3

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  11. Those little shark baby booties are SO adorable!!

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  12. Ohh those shark clothes are so cute! And you are so beautiful! I love how your baby belly looks, gorgeous! :)

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  13. Most pregnancy posts bore me to tears, but I could read yours forever! I'm so, so happy for you and your whole family. You look so beautiful and those shark items are the CUTEST!

    Becky
    xx

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  14. This is fantastic news, congrats and you look fab. I love all the cute lil t-shirts. This was a very refreshing baby post compared to the usual ones I read can't wait for more.

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  15. Hahaha aww man I find this funny, because 1. I also loved loved loved the "feeling pregnant" part when my belly was still little... and 2. it's interesting, my number 1 fear of ALL TIME was also fear of not being able to conceive... but then in the first month, voilà! haha

    Veronica @ http://happylifeofacitygirl.blogspot.com/

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  16. I'm just about 24 weeks pregnant with a little boy and I feel the same way about my pregnancy as you've explained yours. I love showing it off, I want people to notice, I'm proud of my baby bump, more proud than I've ever been of anything before, and I take of my little man no matter what. I've found myself rubbing my belly and cradling it like you explained. I can't hold him in my arms yet so I'll hold my belly in my arms as best as possible. Ha.

    littlecityadventures.blogspot.com

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  17. Sometimes I forgot how excited I am that you're carrying my little nephew. And then I remember and I squeal. I can't wait to get my hands on your baby bump in May!

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  18. I'm so excited for you! And your boys! <3 <3 <3

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  19. I'm grabbing my belly all the time too! It's crazy. I was wearing a maxi dress this week and the fabric started to pill around my belly both from stretching and from me touching it so much. As you know I totally agree with you on how weird this shit all is.

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  20. your baby bump is so cute!! i'm so happy for you guys!!

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  21. omg please documentant and share as much as your comfortable sharing. I think one the greatest things about bloggers and why people love them so much is its like an online penpal you get to know through reading their blog posts. you know their style, and what they would pick out at a store, dream wedding, favorite nail polish color all that stuff you know about your girlfriends. I even find myself in stores seeing things that totally remind me of "my online friend." I remember when I first found a cup of jo blog and she hadn't had any babies yet and now she has two and its like I know we aren't in real life friends but its a weird connection like I remember when he was born, and she shared her birth story which was so beautiful and nice to read. Even though you don't want this to turn into a mommy blog I think blogs kinda progress with your life and I think people love more than just outfits posts, they grow to love you and your family as people and its like sharing with "friends." So excited for you! you are the cutest pregnant woman evaaaa

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  22. I think you should document as much here as you want. People need to understand that life is ever-changing and that you're still the same lady we all heart to read posts from!!

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  23. You are so stinking cute. :)
    I think this will be my favorite feature of yours thus far. Outfit posts, updates, reviews, giveaways etc, are always nice but you documenting and sharing this experience with us is much more meaningful, you know? I wouldn't fret about coming off as a pregnancy/mommy blog (I don't see anything wrong with them anyway.) Lifestyle blogs are to document just that-- our lives, and this will be one of the biggest things your family experiences! It's wonderful. Don't hold back, lady. We love being along for the ride.

    xo

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  24. so good to hear everything is going well! can't even begin to imagine the feeling of being pregnant, and actually human being growing inside of you. so exciting :)
    xo, cheyenne

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  25. pregnancy looks so good on you K!

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  26. Eeeee I love love love this!! You are so adorable anyways, but add a sweet little baby bump and you're out of this world cuteness level goes through the roof!! I was telling Mikey the other day that I'm stoked on getting to dress myself for my pregnancy (you know, when that day comes) I already feel like I have so many clothes that will work seeing as I dig oversized so much haha. I'm kind of excited to see how you choose to dress too, being a fashionable lady and all. Pregnant women always look so cute (no matter how they are actually feeling) ...that and we never get to see you in pants ;)

    You look great girl!!

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  27. You know, I haven't really been a looking-for-physical-changes person yet. I am starting to see it, just a little bit, but it's not something I am thinking much about at all! I guess because it's not like my stomach hasn't been kinda bumpy since I was 12, hahaha, it's going to have get a lot bigger before I get too impressed ;)

    LOVE the supercute baby stuff you have posted here. Some of that might need to find its way into MY house.

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  28. You look great with it! I know exactly what u mean re the fear, I have to admit I had that fear of something happening until she was born and I knew she was fine. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and enjoy it as much as u can. its a cliche but please do try to sleep, no matter how uncomfortable you will really miss sleep once theyre here xx

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  29. I love this! I don't think your blog is going to change a lot, I mean, you already have a son, and sometimes you talk about it, your private life and all of that, but that's not the main purpose of the blog. I think we all understand if you post about your baby sometimes and I'm sure we all love it!

    I like to see your daily photos, I think they're sweet, plus I like how you dress, so it's a good way to catch ideas to use when I get pregnant.

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  30. I love love love reading pregnancy posts! I think it's an amazing thing that we have this ability to connect to people having shared experiences. I'm not pregnant yet, but it's been awesome learning about others' experiences and the most important thing I think I've learned is that it's all SO different. My mom talks all the time about how she never had this sort of thing available to her when she was pregnant with me and my brother.

    All of this to say - thank you! I appreciate these posts and I think you look adorable :)

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  31. cutest mama and luckiest baby EVER.
    and i am LOVING that shark set! how cute!!

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  32. You are such a cute pregnant mama! I can't wait to follow along your pregnancy diaries. I must say, the preparation books didn't prepare for much of anything. They just led me to more questions and eventually I just relied on Google.

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  33. I took a bit of a blog break and came back to see that you are pregnant! Congratulations! I feel like it was just yesterday that you posted the cute video you posted of you two getting engaged. :)

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  34. I'm so behind but I love catching up on your pregnancy posts!

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HEY! Thanks for dropping by. xo KB