Last night I started to think about something rather interesting... the evolution in a couple's conversations over the course of their relationship. Mike and I have only lived together for a little over 4 years, but it's still sort of hard to remember what we talked about in those early days. That isn't really what matters of course, but I know that we talked to each other non-stop. If I were at school or he were at work, we were texting like crazy. Usually about nothing important at all (Those can make for great conversations though, right?). Over the years we've started talking less... and not in a bad way. Not in the "I feel disconnected and I can't communicate with you" type of way. It's simply the "You know everything I know so let's sit in this comfortable silence." Comfortable silence! Maybe it's just me but I feel like that's such an important part of a relationship. Being able to be in someone's company and be totally okay with not saying anything at all.
And because I love you all, here's a hilariously adorable (yet dorky) photo of me + Mike in 2006.
Back in the day when Mike and I would take regular road trips, we hardly listened to music at all because we were just filled to the brim with things to discuss with each other. We'd talk, talk, and talk, then have to put a pin in it and come back to it later because we each had more to say. Now we'll spend hours in the car in one direction and we'll maybe break the silence once or twice... and I love that. Don't be confused and think this means we don't have meaningful conversations anymore, because that couldn't be further from the truth. One of my favorite parts about being with Mike is...
We regularly pause our tv or movie to go off on this long tangent/conversation about whatever strikes our fancy. Last night, for instance (which started this whole thought process), Mike and I were watching Grey's Anatomy before bed (always!) and we paused the tv to talk about organ donation and how each of us would handle something like limb-donation, etc. if the other were to pass away. (That sort of donation requires special signatures, and your spouse can make that call.) We talked about our emotional attachments to the other's body (be it arms, legs, eyes, whatever) and who we'd immediately give a kidney/piece of our liver to if we were a guaranteed match. It might sound like a sort of strange conversation to have, but it was so fascinating. Hearing the whys and why nots of the whole thing. It's conversations like this that help me continue to learn things about my husband over the years.
Our deep conversations aren't always about organ donation or medical mumbo-jumbo, but they're typically very "exposing" (for the lack of a better word). Through these conversations we've learned how the other feels about racial and gender discrimination, space exploration, drug laws, and loads of other topics that you don't typically bring up at the dinner table. One of the most discussed topics is simply our parenting style and how each of us can improve. It makes sense since our lives revolve around Toby and we want to raise him the best way we can. But even those conversations, despite being totally practical and regular, are so incredibly telling of our growth as people, parents, and a couple.
We still talk about petty stuff, that's for sure. But over the past several years I've grown to love that we can talk so open and honestly with each other. We certainly haven't always been the best communicators, and that area can always use some work, but overall I'm grateful for our talks, just like I'm grateful for our silence.
When I think about our relationship and if it's meant to stand the test of time, I always, and immediately, go to "I've never felt so comfortable in silence before." I feel pretty lucky to have that.
How about you? What are some topics you find the most entertaining to discuss with your partner? Or do you think I'm totally full of crap? haha!