I've been having a time of it lately... Trying to process watching Toby grow up before our very eyes. To think back a year and a half ago now (wow!) to when we got custody... he was so timid and quiet. His personality had yet to really blossom. Now he's constantly on the move. He has reasoning ability and opinions. He understands his actions have repercussions. And he's so very polite (even if it kills me, he'll be polite!)
Now the title "Mommy" is reserved for when he's upset, for whatever reason. In the general day by day I'm simply "Mom" and that's okay. My heart breaks just a little when I think about how much he's grown up. I miss that sweet little chubby face from when he was barely a year old. But at the same time I cherish the conversations I have with him now. My heart swells when he asks to ride along to run tedious errands with me. Every morning he greets me with "Hey mom, want me to check the mail for you?" He'll lend a helping hand at home without even realizing it's typically considered more of a "chore" than simply being kind. But that's just who he is... kind.
All of these thoughts and emotions started rushing over me when I picked him up from our bed the other night (where he fell asleep) and carted him over to his room. I laid him down, tucked him (and Jumpy, his kangaroo) in, and kissed his forehead (no need to push his hair back now that it's all gone! Ah, that's a whole other can of worms!) I whispered "I love you" as I started to pull away and he wrestled around and murmured "I love you, too". Well, to be fair it was more of a "eih lohh eh too" haha, but I knew what he was saying.
He's never going to be this small again, and I'm trying my best to make sure I cherish each and every moment. Even the ones where he's kicking and screaming up a storm because he simply doesn't understand something. Despite how easily I may become frustrated on certain days, I pinch myself constantly because I know just how lucky I am. Mike and Toby have given me the very best gift of all, and that's the gift of being a mom. I wasn't given the gift of motherhood by biology, but that doesn't mean I don't feel it 110% in my heart. Toby has taught me so very much about life in the past year. I know we're in each other's lives for a reason.
What an amazing little man.