It's been quite a while since I've written an Honest To Blog post... like, a couple years I think! To be honest (ha!) I'm not even sure if I remember how to simply free write. I "rebranded" my blog a little over a year ago and dropped the name "Little Chief Honeybee" because it didn't have any backstory or reason, and because it could be mistakenly taken for cultural appropriation. When I started my blog in May 2009, LCH was simply my Myspace name (oh yeah. Myspace! Remember that?!) I didn't know what I would really blog about, but I knew that I wanted a space to share my adventures in NYC while I worked at Bust magazine. I was newly 21 and had no idea what I planned on doing with myself or my blog.
My Summer in NYC came and went, and I returned my junior year of college where I got back in touch with Mike. We moved in together, lost everything we owned to the flood, had a distance relationship while I returned to NYC the following Summer, and then tackled my senior year of college. I graduated, got engaged, moved a few different times, brought Toby home to live with us permanently, and started learning what it meant to be a parent. We got married, honeymooned in Mexico, renovated a house, and brought another little guy into the world. During all of that we started several small businesses and then Mike started nursing school. It's been a pretty eventful ride. When I think about how much of our story this blog contains, I get a little overwhelmed by it. Some days I think of this space as simply a tiny little billboard in the vast space of the internet, but other days it feels much more special. Regardless of how many installments of "Things I Love Thursday" I've done, or how many sponsored posts I've agreed to, this blog contains the timeline of my family's story. That's pretty major.
Last New Year's when I rebranded to The Clueless Girl's Guide, it was because I felt sort of stuck. I didn't feel motivated to blog, or to create DIYs, cocktails, whatever. I started to doubt myself and be overly critical of everything I was doing. It was a pretty hard time. It had been building up for a few months, and then I was determined to try and start "fresh" (well, as fresh as one could on the same blog). I wanted to use my blog as a platform to share things I tried for the first time, things I failed at, things I totally rocked, and then some. I wanted to try my hand at cooking (because I was otherwise clueless at how to make a full meal... seriously.) I wanted to learn a new skill set (because I was clueless how to do something). Shortly after deciding to work on a rebrand, we found out we were pregnant. I was going to be parenting a brand new baby... what?! As an only child, I was clueless on how to do all of these things. I wanted to use my blog as a way to document new things I tackled. I wanted to share stories of women who did the same. That's where Rad Gal, Rad Gig was born (still my favorite feature ever. And it's not retired! Don't worry!). Loads of people embraced the change when it went live, but there were plenty of critics, too. And they had great criticism that I never really managed to think of/see myself. One of the critiques was that I wasn't "clueless"... I was an educated, motivated woman with children and multiple businesses. And you know what? They were right. I am all of those things.... I never meant for "The Clueless Girl" to have any sort of negative connotation. In fact, it was meant to be the exact opposite. Overcoming things that I wasn't well versed in, etc. But as my pregnancy progressed, my motivation in making that happen waned. I didn't care too much about proving that I could possibly cook something without burning the house down. I really just wanted to get through my pregnancy safely. And then Linden was born...
Oh boy. Linden! That kid. He is certainly a bright spot in my day, but it hasn't come without its obstacles. He's such a happy, sweet baby, but he's also very needy. (Duh, what baby isn't "needy" right?) It's been such a learning lesson and most days I don't even manage to get anything done. But that's okay. I promised myself that once he was born, I'd be okay with some dirty dishes, or a few loads of laundry left for a day, and I'd worry less about this blog. And I'm happy (proud, even?) to say I've done just that. I used to panic if I went more than one day without posting, but now I'll go five and not bat an eyelash. It's not that I don't care about this space, but it's that I realize there are other things that deserve my time and attention. This blog stopped being my bread and butter a long time ago. It used to pay all the bills, and now it might take us out to dinner a couple times a month, if we're lucky. I'm okay with that. I continue to write here because like I mentioned earlier, it holds our story.
I've known for quite a while that the new title doesn't fit the feel of this blog. But I didn't know what to do about it. I don't want to give up this space and move somewhere fresh because I want it all in one space. Plus I worked so hard over the past almost-six years, I don't want to just throw that away, ya know? I was worried that if I tried to "rebrand" yet again, I'd look foolish. Like a big failure. Admitting "defeat" isn't something I'm great at, but you know what, the rebrand/new name was just that... a failure. And that's okay. Goodness knows I've failed at much larger projects before haha! But I also don't want to "rebrand"... I don't want to look at it from a marketing perspective. When LCH turned into TCGG, I was thinking "I want to be a reference blog! Resources! Pinterest the crap out of it!" and my motivation was in the wrong place. Now... Now I just want to write about what I'm doing, what our family is up to, new things that excite me. Basically the original purpose of this blog. Not to make money or garner tens of thousands of visitors each day. Those are awesome perks, I won't lie. I've not been one to necessarily "shy" away from sponsored partnerships, especially since we're now a one-income family and Mike is eyeball deep in nursing school. But it shouldn't be the only motivation, ya know? It's not an easy time with all the commotion going on, but it's surprisingly enjoyable. They're temporary sacrifices for an awesome future. But even with that being said, I don't want this space to become void of any real experiences. I've managed to sort of shelter myself from a lot of criticism by just taking the personality out of the blog. I want to reinvent this space in the sense that I take it back to its roots a bit. Remember when I did iPhone outfit photos, before I really did outfit posts? And my entire blog was filled with grainy, iPhone 3 photos? haha I don't plan on necessarily bringing those back, but I just mean I want to write about what I know. I've probably said this a dozen times though, so take it for what you will.
This has just been something weighing on my head and heart the past little while. I know it probably seems like I've morphed into a mommy blog, despite my best efforts to assure you I wouldn't/didn't want to. But I guess the simple truth is I'm currently writing what I know. I've never spent more than 5 hours away from Linden at a time, and it's just me and him at home all day, so I tend to gravitate toward that. I know it's run some readers off, and I understand why. We all grow at different speeds, in different directions, etc. There are plenty of bloggers out there who have kids and don't feel it pertinent to mention them all that often on their blogs. I'm just not one of them I guess. I also didn't really plan to get so engulfed in a lot of the "mommy" things (babywearing, cloth diapering, reading strangers' birth stories and crying over them haha!) but that's where my interests currently are. I'm not 21, living in NYC, interning at a feminist magazine and spending boatloads of disposable income on fast fashion anymore. I'm 26 (almost 27, heaven help me!), mom of two, self employed and often trying to find the motivation to put on real clothes ha! It's probably not nearly as exciting to some, but it is to me so I want to document that. Sure, I could start a scrapbook, but instead I choose to share it here.
With all of this being said, I do plan on scrapping the name, and the blog design, and going with something else. But even then, this blog needs to be majorly organized. I was actually listening to a song a few nights ago when it hit me how perfect it would be for this blog. That's not to say that's what I'm definitely going to go with, but it inspired me enough to give me the courage to write this post. I spent a lot of time thinking "Should I be embarrassed that my rebrand was an epic fail? Should I even bother changing it? Should I give up all together?" And that's when I spent time going through the blog and seeing all the memories it contained. I don't plan on blogging forever, and if anything this can probably serve as the beginning of "the end" in a way. I plan to continue blogging until it's no longer fun for me, but I don't want it to feel like a burden or obligation like it has in the past. I know a day will come where I'll simply walk away and never come back, but that's a conversation for another blog post.
I guess I just want to say thank you... to any and everyone who has been there from the beginning, or maybe from the LCH days. And those of you who have just found me. This space has gone through some pretty epic changes over the past six years, but I'm glad I've managed to evolve in some way over that time. Maybe you came for the NYC/Bust adventures, but stayed for whatever reason. Maybe you're really into mommy-ish blogs and you like that sort of thing. Whatever your reasoning is for being part of this small space, I appreciate it. And I hope you'll stay for the next phase, too.
Thanks for letting me write all of this out. I probably sound like a bumbling fool, but I forgot just how liberating these HTB posts can be. I've missed them. xo