Maybe my post title is a little overdramatic, but I totally feel like it's all I can say/think/feel lately haha Yeah. I feel like I'm drowning most of the time, if I'm being totally honest. This week was a tough one. Linden started getting really sick on Sunday, and I woke up with absolutely no voice whatsoever on Saturday. Between a nice little bout of laryngitis, and what turned out to be an ear infection for him, we spent most of the week cuddled up together in the rocking chair. Linden didn't want to sleep alone, and he would only nap in my arms. So that meant my laundry list of tasks got pushed to the back burner and I scrambled to do as much as I could after Mike got home for the night.
I guess it's just the nature of the season, too. Crazy quick deadlines that need to be met, signs that need to be painted and shipped, design clients that need tending to, and family obligations that just don't quit. How do people do it?!
Linden spent all of Wednesday screaming. Non stop! The poor little guy refused to eat, which lead to him starting to get dehydrated. Which led to belly pains. And a late night run for Pedialyte. Since both Mike and Toby were at school I just sat in the chair holding Linden and I cried right along with him. It was just one of those days, ya know? Yesterday I struggled to get Toby's birthday invites done so he could take them to school today... but some kind of miracle happened and they actually got done. Now to just plan the rest of the party... and do Christmas shopping... and and and.
I've been feeling just ever so slightly burnt out lately. I was starting to think I totally had a grasp on this whole "two kids" thing, but clearly I was sorely mistaken! This is the first "big" sickness we've had with Linden and man, it'll wear you out!
Hats off to folks who have 3, 4, 5+ kids and still manage to make it work. Heck, all of you with 1 or 2 also! I'm hoping L will start feeling better soon as I'll be able to get him back in the habit of sleeping and napping alone in his crib. Then maybe my to do list won't look so terrifying. Though I'll totally admit it feels nice to have him fall asleep on my chest several times a day.
If nothing else, this experience is teaching me that the world will continue spinning if I don't get a blog post up everyday (ha. obviously!) or if a handful of emails go a day or two between responses. Luckily I feel like I have some super understanding clients, and I always try to be upfront if I'm behind a bit. Now if only I could kick it into overdrive and get it all done! Where's an extra set of hands when you need 'em?!
Got any tips on how to get it all done?! Can we start a petition for extra hours in the day? haha
Got any tips on how to get it all done?! Can we start a petition for extra hours in the day? haha
I don't have kids yet, so there will be people who think I ought to just keep my mouth shut about this subject. But at the same time, I have someone at work ask me every single week, "How do you find the time?" I work full-time for a private company that would be in the Fortune 100 if it went public. I'm a full time dual-degree MBA+MS student. I'm 2nd Vice Commander of my American Legion Post, and I'm a vice chairman/chairman at the Chapter, State, and National levels for Daughters of the American Revolution. I volunteer at local Heritage Foundation events during the year. And I'm a girlfriend and daughter and sister and friend who needs to make sure I maintain those connections.
ReplyDeleteMy first answer is, I don't have kids. But taking it a step further, I have a few personal rules that come into play.
1) I say no. I decided that outside of work, school, and home life, I can really only dedicate my time to two organizations, the Legion and DAR. And when things start to get crazy, I will sometimes miss a meeting or event for those organizations. Learning to say NO is one of the best things I ever learned at a Women Leading Powerfully course I attended. I especially say NO to perfection. I also say no to "should have"... women are always should-ing all over themselves.
2) I ask for help/outsource. I don't do housework outside of cooking/dishes/tidying; I budgeted to be able to hire maids to deep clean my apartment every two weeks. When I had to cook for 20 Legion veterans recently, I asked my DAR ladies for assistance so I wouldn't have to do it all. When I'm overwhelmed with schoolwork and work travel, I ask for Dan to help pick up the slack around things like grocery shopping and errands. When my Mom was visiting, I asked her to help me assemble some holiday packages for veterans because I know she loves that stuff. I feel like as women we tend to GIVE so much we forget to take... I outsource where it makes sense, and I ask for help too. Take a little. You're always giving.
3) I choose to be boring. Okay, so I don't believe I'm really boring, but I mean to say I spend a lot of time at home. And that allows me to do all the things I need and want to do virtually (my MBA classes are on the computer, I volunteer to handle computer-related tasks, etc.) and even squeeze in some Netflix. I know when I have kids sleep/home life will change, but I don't think my preference to stay home will change... there's a comfort there that allows me to work hard and be productive that way.
I know kids will turn my world upside down. But that doesn't mean my personal rules will change... I still plan to say no to things without guilt (i.e. missing the occasional meetup with friends, choosing not to participate in the school bake sale, etc.) when I don't have the capacity to make it a priority. I still plan to ask for help, and to outsource. I know that as the breadwinner in my family, day care or a nanny is going to be my biggest source of assistance; it's not an option for me to stay home. And I'm not afraid of that either, because asking for help is not failing. It's recognizing you need help before you actually do fail.
This looks SOOO much longer now that it's published. Oops. Sorry. xoxo
DeleteThose are the coolest party invites I have ever seen. Hope Toby has a great birthday. xx
ReplyDeleteKeep on keepin' on, pretty lady. You ARE managing the two kids thing, believe it or not. Snuggling with a sick baby is exactly what you needed to do. Crying is exactly what you needed to do. And holy bananas, your kitchen appliances are awesome! So there's that...
ReplyDeleteDon't worry darlin', the world tells us that as women having kids equals assuming our ultimate form, but it couldn't be further from the truth! Caring for small humans is hard. It's exhausting and confusing. My daughter is five and only just hit the point where we can say "OK, time for bed, get the cat and get in bed" and that's the last we see of her for the night. I'm also in awe of people who have more than one kid and don't like drop dead. You'll be fine someday, and in the meantime if you need to cry or have massive piles of laundry...that's life.
ReplyDeleteI felt that way all the time with my son - that I was drowning, how do other women do this, what am I doing wrong!!??? , and now I have a daughter and things are better, I don't always feel like I am drowning and what you ask has changed? My son broke me of the things that Aubrey said, I used to say yes to everything, I say no (if I don't want to, don't care to or don't have time or don't want to make time) and I don't feel bad about it AT ALL. I ask my husband for help, yes he has a job also, yes he has hobbies and things he wants to do too, but he has kids too :) (I only list my husband because we don't live near anyone else I can call on :)) and The one thing I can't stress enough is that you have to let some things go because that little boy is going to grow up so fast and you are going to wonder where it went, I know when you are in the trenches it doesn't feel like it is going fast but you will look back soooo soon and wonder where it all went. There are a lot of things on that to do list that can wait, it won't always be crazy chaotic, it will get better you will have more 'free' time soon, but your babe, he won't be small any longer. So take the to do list, prioritize only the ESSENTIAL items, and don't say they all are essential and do those, and forget the rest and don't feel bad about it, women. moms we all beat ourselves up so bad over whatever, as along as your baby is happy and healthy (or you are trying to get them that way :)) nothing else matters. My Grandma would always tell me, if you were to die tomorrow would it matter that your house was clean or that you spent that one last minute making your baby smile and coo with you? I think you know the answer :) YOU ARE DOING IT, you just have to let yourself feel like you are doing it :) no two people parent/live the same way.
ReplyDeletemy husband always tells me to just leave all the house work and we'll get to it when we can, but that kinda makes me more crazy because he tends to just leave the house work also. The thing about housework is, yes it'll be there and holding our babes are much more important, but the hardest thing about housework is, it'll be there....just waiting!!
ReplyDeleteI guess this wasn't much help but I feel your pain with not having enough time in the day! I'll sign that petition now! haha hope your babe feels better!
I'm 7+ years into "parenting" with four kids, and there are plenty of days when I don't know how I did what I did or how I'll do what still needs to be done! It's a constant ferris wheel, sometimes you're up - sometimes you're down.
ReplyDeleteThere are times when some kind of "mothermode" kicks in, and things just get done, by some miracle. Keep leaning in, things will all work out the way they're supposed to in the end!
I really love how honest you are about the struggles. I feel like I'm drowning sometimes just with one baby so I am totally blown away with how people have more than one kid, haha!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could give you a hug! I'm sending you a virtual hug right now. I think as they get bigger it gets a little easier- I still have days where life feels a little hopeless but I had to teach myself to be ok with doing less, with having a messy house or not being able to do whatever project I wanted to get done. The dishes will be there tomorrow and a sink full of dishes never hurt anyone. My best friend told me that I should add something easy to my to do list- he suggested adding "eat a piece of chocolate" then at the end of the day I could sit down and eat a piece of chocolate and think "hey look I did something from my list!"
ReplyDeleterobutton.blogspot.com
Really feel for you. Wish I could give you a hug. I felt exactly the same a couple of weeks ago (minus the children, so I can only imagine..!)
ReplyDeleteSome days you need that cry. And that's totally ok.
One of the biggest things I learnt from it, is that it's ok to admit you have too much. Someone will help - but they need to know that you need help! Funny that! :)
Give yourself a treat everyday. It might be a bit of chocolate, a hot bath or 20 mins with tea and a magazine. Whatever you want. But make that time YOUR time. It makes everything else seem worth it :)
Hope the weight lifts off and you feel better soon
xxx
naturallybeige.com
Treading water. That's how I've been feeling since I went back to (full-time) work. I hate it. It has been so difficult to strike a balance between Mom Kim, Wife Kim, Domestic Goddess Kim, Friend Kim and just plain ol' Kim. I like to tell myself that finally recognizing this is a great thing and that I can start to work on striking that balance now, but I worry. I worry that I will continue to sacrifice my Self for all of the others.
ReplyDeleteFeeling like you're drowning. I get that, lady. I'm sorry you have that feeling sometimes, because it's just really not easy to live with. Keep doing things for you, like Louise so wonderfully said. :) (Why is it so difficult to take your own advice, sometimes? Why can you tell someone else to make sure they leave room for themselves, and know that it sounds reasonable and important, and then completely ignore that when it comes to your own brain? Good grief.)
I have no idea what You are going through, obviously as I am not even married! But My sister had twin boys 3 years ago and lived with Us all through the pregnancy and up till Their 3rd Birthday. Mom and I helped Out as much as it was possible, and still all 3 of Us would have a headache and a depressive stance about Us at the end of the day aka. just by hours, really, as the boys never really "ended" their days lol.
ReplyDeleteAnd even yesterday as Me and My boyfriend were out at the Book Fair, My sister was texting Me hysterically and joking about how an emoji tearing its hair out would so fit Her! Haha
All I can say is this: I know several ladies, more than I would have liked :(, that are struggling to have babies, trying and trying like it is Their job.
You are blessed with two beautiful boys. I know You know it better than I... It's just that... :) no matter how much You stress it and burn Yourself out, this is Your life now and it is FULL and BEAUTIFUL!
So... Just grab that to do list and start looking at what You can afford to scratch out!
(That Laundry really doesn't have to be folded up, does it :P? haha You get My drift)
I hope this was helpful :) I just do so love reading this blog!
-SJay
www.chronicdreamer.blogspot.com