FormSpring and Body Issues

I received this question in my FormSpring today upon getting home from work. I answered in a very, very, very long (and probably totally redundant) answer, but I wanted to share the question and answer with you all and see how you would answer it. (Even if you aren't a size 12 :P).

QUESTION: "i think you give inspiration to girls who arent stick thin; however, i am a size 12 and i have trouble finding guys to overlook my size and not think im fat or not datable, so in that sense im jealous that you have mike. i wish i could find my mike!"
MY ANSWER: well thanks, but first and foremost, a guy should never have to "overlook" your size! that's ridiculous! you are YOU! plain and simple! you are NOT the number on the tag of your jeans! if a guy won't date you simply because you're not a 2 or 4 or a whatever, then frankly, who gives a hoot! that guy obviously isn't worth his weight in dog poop anyhow! 
Yes, mike is amazing. absolutely. he's my prince charming, but not because he lowered his standards to date me (whoever has made you think that being a size 12 makes you unworthy of a date is absolutely looney!). i am NOT the tag on the dress i just bought. i am not the tag on the jeans i no longer wear. i'm not even the red hair and the tattoos that cover my body... i'm kaelah. i'm the personality inside of this body. i'm the intelligence inside of my brain.  
If you wear your size/weight on your shoulders, THAT is when guys will start to pass you up. they'll say "nah, no thanks" because you're so bogged down on yourself... you can't see the big picture. be proud of who you are. wear things that flatter your body, no matter if you're 100 pounds or 250! find comfort in your body because i honestly believe it when they say that no one can love you until you love yourself! 
Girls that overanalyze everything, down to the single tenth of a pound on the scale, are the kinds of girls guys don't want to bother with. they're too much. they're too much "me me me". instead, celebrate you as an individual, and celebrate the both of you as a couple. no one wants to be stuck around a negative nancy all the time!
You WILL find your mike. but first you need to find YOU. :) <3
Also, you can't wait for someone to come around and make you feel good about yourself. believe me. there are more people out there that want to bring you down more than anything, but you can't let them. you can't wait for a fella to come knocking on your door and rave over how gorgeous you are... until YOU make YOURSELF feel gorgeous. i love mike, yes. and i love that mike thinks i'm the most beautiful girl to walk the land even on days where i feel like absolute crap.... but guess what, even if i didnt have mike.. i'd feel the same way about myself. i love myself with or without a boyfriend, and you should too. 
We often get so caught up in being our own worst critic that we forget to also be our own biggest fan. <3


With that being said, where do you stand on this issue? Is being "chubby" or "fat" or a "size 12" a proper way to toss someone from a potential dating pool? Just curious. I get questions like this all the time, so I thought I'd open it up and see what y'all had to say. How would you answer this question? 

Off to see a movie with Liz! I'll be back tonight!



  1. i totally agree with you on this one.
    i've been a ton of different dress sizes [i've just dropped 4 because of health issues] and my boyfriend has loved me through every one of them. if a guy is discrediting you because of the clothes tag you wear then to be quite honest they aren't going to be worth it at all. the only size that should be taken into account is the size of the persons heart.

  2. I think you answered that perfectly. My future sister in law is huge, I mean medically classified as morbidly obese huge, and guys love her! She has a fun personality and a very high self esteem. If she didn't exude her confidence I can guarantee you nobody would see her as anything other than "the fat girl". And its funny that I say that, because I have weight issues myself (always have, but its gotten worse since having two children). But its true, the flaw you see and obsess about, others will pick up on it and obsess too.

    And p.s. to the reader that sent you that question: Size 12 is not big! So if you're going after guys that think it is, you're going after the wrong guys.

  3. I really enjoy this! I often find myself in social situations just thinking "eh, no guy will notice me" or "he probably thinks I'm gross" or "why am I even at this place?" because of my weight. This usually ends to me not having a good time. It's an issue I have always been dealing with. But you have really inspired me to be more girly! It makes me feel better when I put an effort in the way I look or wear a girly dress. And you seem to have such a positive body image outlook (even if you have bad days you turn them around) it is very refreshing!
    Also, at Sallys, I buy deep auburn red its right by Red Fire and all of the Red Fire hair color is sold out! So it seems like you have an effect on other people as well! :)

  4. Your answer totally speaks the truth! Size really shouldn't matter & if a boy won't date you because he thinks your "fat", he needs a reality check. A guy who truely loves you for who you are will love you unconditionally, regardless of a number on a tag.
    It's also true that until you really accept & love yourself & find out who you are, you can't really love someone else. Be confidant in who you are! That's the biggest attraction!
    It's only recently that I've come to think this way & accept myself as I am. It's a rewarding feeling to have come to this place & I hope all girls can understand this!


  5. Your answer is pretty much, perfect. Its ridiculous that the number on a tag reflects the person. I guess in a hyped up media based world that we live in, its so much the case, I am learngin to love my body, and even though I am trying to get healthier at the moment, its for me, not for anyone else. I think its sad that guys can be that shallow, but at the end of the day. its the truth. Hmmm, You are wonderful Kaelah. x

  6. I am a sexy size 16 (hips and butt HAAAAY! haha) and I could care less if a guy thinks im too big.

    I would say forget about those guys and stay confident!
    Its way better to be with or spend your time and effort on someone who loves you for who you are curves and all than someone who will judge you on your body.

    Now, I am not saying a size 2 is ugly or unattractive I find every lady out there to be beautiful in their own way, but here in the Bay Area (from what I have seen) men are starting to be way more into women with curves and dont think that your very own Mike wont ever come along c'os he will..there are some men out there who probably already love you for you, they just dont know it yet ;)

    As far as the size on the tag goes, I dont ever let that hinder me from loving myself, the only bad thing is being tall AND 'plus size' (which I have stopped using that term and I say SIZE CURVY) is that it for some reason costs me more to buy clothes (anyone else realize this?).

    But first and foremost YOU need to be happy an love yourself, no one will love you more than you!

    And before I go, I wanted to make a comment on the previous post about someone saying Kaelah has 'chubby legs' ummmmm dont you find it a bit ridonkulous that you have to keep blogging about the same haters all the time?
    I mean i know it doesnt bother YOU, but every time you blog about someone hating im like "HOW MANY TIMES IS SHE GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS!?" haha

    you'd think people would be over it and accept the fact that you dont let that crap get to you...and i wish i could find out who those people are c'os I have chubby legs too and I can put em to good use by kicking their ass!

    Even though I don't know you, I e-love you Kaelah!
    You're a wonderful inspiration to all and whoever put that question in your Formspring, I hope you read everything this lady here has to say c'os shes 100% right!


  7. wonderful post.
    you gave the perfect answer!!
    i have always had body issue problems..and you def. have to love yourself before anyone !!!! size shouldnt matter..EVERYONE is beautiful !!! xoxo

  8. This post is amazing, Kaelah.
    I am a size 22. When I met my boyfriend online and we chatted for a while and it was time to exchange pictures, I was so scared to show him what I look like. Long story short - in the end it tuned out that he loves "big girls" and he specially loves me. He compliments me every day and tells me I am beautiful and sexy. And over the time I learned to love myself the way I am. I am more self-confident now than I have ever been. We are dating for over 3 years now and I couldn't be happier.
    Now I know everyone is beautiful and there is someone out ther who is made for you - no matter which size is on your tag. Size doesn't matter.

  9. That question made me sad, and I hope your very sound advice gets through to this girl, and any others that might be dealing with these feelings:(

    I feel very lucky that my husband-to-be really loves me for who I am, even on days when I don't love myself. I've struggled with body/food issues for most of my life and though I have been happier and healthier than ever in the last 3 years, those feelings still creep in more often than not - there's always going to be that voice in my head. The thing some point you just have to say to yourself, this is MY body, and it's the only one I'm going to get, and learn to accept it and strive to make it its best in a HEALTHY way. For some that might be a lifelong learning process, full of ups and downs, I know it is for me, but you have to start somewhere.

    Most importantly, never allow someone else to make you feel undeserving of love or happiness.

  10. I love the advice you gave this girl. It's absolutely ridiculous that girls feel like they have to find guys who would overlook their weight - a guy should not have to like you in spite of your "bad" qualities, but love you because of who you are.

  11. wow. this post AND everyone's comments are great. I hardly have anything new to add, but there is strength in 'comment' numbers - especially for the girl that asked the question.

    your answer couldn't be more perfect than that. i love your blog + love even more that your attitude/message is so positive. people that love themselves + be themselves exude a natural happiness and attractiveness that NO one can trump.

    cheers everyone to being + loving who they are ;)


  12. Being a girl who has struggled almost her whole life with her weight in a differnt way ( i struggle with anorexia and body dismorphic disorder), i can really relate to this girl. I know how it feels to have someone judge you by what they see on the outside, and i couldn't agree more with what you said about it not mattering if your 100 pounds or 250. It's so true that guys can tell when you're not confident with yourself. I'm not saying there's not some jerks out there who do judge girls based soley on the size of their body, because their defiantely are. But, like kaelah said, the good guys, the ones you want to settle down with and have a family, they go for the girls who are intelligent and confident and own their self and their body, whatever size they are. apperance is not even half of the total package. It can be what makes you attracted to someone in the first place, but if thats all your relationship is based on, it will NOT last. And also, i don't think its just the guys who do this. They get a bad rap for it, but i know so many girls who do the same thing-- only date super muscular or tall guys-- and it makes me so sad and angry!

    I guess what im trying to say in all my ranting and raving is this: girl, you are NOT alone! We all have to go through the bad experiences and not so nice guys until we find the right one who will respect us for who we are and not what we look like. Kaelah said it perfectly, and i have so much respect for her! This girl knows her stuff. Learn from her :D LOL!

    Hang in there girls, and as hard as it is, we all need to make a vow to stop blaming our bodies when others just don't treat us right. We are amazing, beautiful, strong, and intelligent women, and we deserve more then settling for people who are going to treat us like that!

    Much Love <3<3<3

  13. Emily: Girl I got chills just from READING that! You said it in such a wonderful and kind-hearted way! I couldn't agree more with everything you said!

  14. You are so right on with all of that. To be completely honest that stuff shouldn't matter in the slighest yet most become obsessed with trying to be 'perfect'. My fiance was quiet, chubby, yet really sweet and treated me better than anyone else in the world, and it was like all of that out outer shell of him melted away and I saw who he really was, and that's what mattered.

  15. This post is so inspirational. You are completely right with everything you said but for some, the reality never sets in. If everyone could read your post, the world would be a happier place.

    On this post alone, you deserve this blog award :)

  16. kaelah, thank you for laying it on the line!
    so true! so inspiring! spread it! thank you <3

  17. I’m a UK Size 16 (I’ve heard that you take of 2 to get to a US size so that makes me a 14), I would say that I am kinda chunky but then my housemate is a UK size 12 and her cousin (who is a dancer as dances like 5 days a week) is like an 8 or maybe even a 6. Anyhoo, okay I’m a little overweight but I’m reasonably healthy. I have got asthma but that’s not “weight related”.

    I go to Trampolining once a week and do around 30 minutes of jumping up and down and twists and turns and things like that (I’m still mastering front drops but I’ll get there in the end lol).

    I think if a guy judges you by the size tag in your jeans rather than your personality then he’s not worth it. My mum was a UK12 when she married my Dad, after having me and my brother she was a UK18, (they married in 83 and I was born in 86 followed by my brother in 88), he didn’t divorce her because she got cuddly – he stuck with her and things like that. She’s now down to a UK16 – we can’t quite share clothes yet but we’re getting there lol. I love my Mum for who she is – she gives the best mummy hugs! My friend Ummma used to always say that I gave the best mummy hugs because I’m squishy lol (Ummma is like 35ish and she has two teenage daughters – and I’m not a Mummie so how can I give Mummie hugs lol)

    Anyhoo the point I’m trying to make is, be yourself, I know it feels like you have to have a boyfriend to be happy but you don’t have to, you can have so many adventures just by yourself or with your – girl-friends. Don’t get bogged down by these stresses.

  18. That was a very heartfelt and lovely reply.

    I am a UK 22, (US20, I believe?) and I have a lovely gf. We are both big girls, but it is never a problem for me to find her attractive and vice versa.

    It is all about CONFIDENCE. I am confident in who I am, and I hold my head up high in whatever clothes I wear. It is important to feature onm the positives and what you like about yourself.

  19. i enjoyed reading this, you gave some very sound and true advice :) x

  20. I love the way you answered her! You are so very right, I truly believe you do need to love yourself before someone else can love you and we are all beautiful in our very own way. Personally I've recently gained a bunch of weight, having never been more than a 9/11 throughout high school and since, which I always found to be just perfect on me, I have been having difficulty being proud of myself at a size 14. Needing to visit stores like Torrid in order to find any jeans which fit let alone any that look right, and the stretch marks galore which I only ever had before on my lower back, are now taking my thighs, my chest, and my tummy, are extremely discouraging, but I am trying my best to find myself appealing and own this new body. I can understand how it can take you down when a guy doesn't find you appealing for your size if you have an interest in him, but that shouldn't be what makes or breaks us, you're very right that its not your body which makes you, its who you are and we would all be much happier if we could just remember it all of the time, love your body!
    P.s. I also for my psych of women class at Sierra College had to write a paper and create a visual to be displayed on campus during love your body week and I had my best friend take a nude photo of me from behind and then we solarized it on photoshop, I thought it was a good way to show my appreciation for my shape even though it is not the "preferred norm".

  21. Speaking from experience, BOYS WILL BE (STUPID) BOYS. Don't waste your time on boys who don't make you feel beautiful. I dated a boy in high school who constantly told me I needed to lose weight. At the time, I was 5'4 and 125 pounds, which is HEALTHY for my body. Now I am getting ready to start my second year of nursing school, and he is still sitting on his Mama's couch.

    But to answer the question, I think that everybody has a "type." Someone whom they are attracted to. And some guys may just like skinny girls, and some might be more attracted to heavier girls. Just like girls may be attracted to abs or muscles. But what is heavy and skinny, anyways? FIND SOMEBODY WHO LOVES YOU FOR YOU.

  22. amen sister ! i think you answered perfectly .
    i just posted a blog on this same sort of issue, kinda . if you have the time, could you please check it out ?

    Body Peace .

  23. I love how you answered the questions, cause it is something that every girl , no matter which size she has keeps thinking about. But we really have to get over it and try just to be ourself and not our dresses, our hair colors, or body shape...
    The thing is, that I can tell that others easily, but have big problems with it myself. Surrounded by best friends all in size 2-8 it is kind of hard to think that any guy would look at me (UK 26) with another reason than just making fun of me. But I think i am on a good way to break free from this thinking pattern. :D

  24. I've been following you for a couple of months now, and didn't get a chance to see this post you made. I want to thank you so much. Reading it brought tears to my eyes, no one has ever said anything like that to me before. My whole life I have been passing up opportunities to date guys because I have felt that I am not worthy of their time, because of my size. I have been told that I need to wait until I lose weight to start looking, because no one will want me if I look like I do now. What you said completely changed my mind, and showed me that the people who have been saying that to me my whole life are wrong, and I need to love my body and find someone who loves it too. And most importantly, someone who loves me for who I am. Thank you so very much, you are my favorite blogger! <3


HEY! Thanks for dropping by. xo KB