The past day and a half has been a rough one for me. No details needed really. Well, no specific ones. Just a feeling of being unsure. I'm in my final semester of college and I'm looking out to an economy that isn't all that accepting of art degrees. That's not what has me down though. Some of my friends are securing jobs (and I'm SO proud of them!), some are moving off to grad school, some are getting married... I just feel like I'm here. Susannah asked me the other day if I ever felt like everyone else was getting it right, and believe me, I do. I feel like I'm just floating along... no real direction. Of course, I tweeted this and @bluevisitor responded with "yes-- but I have learned that there's no way THEY have it "right" for ME, just for them... so I say, enjoy your floating!! :)" It was amazing how that little sentence totally changed my day and made me feel that much better. But still, that feeling crept back in and I'm trying to not let it take over. Sometimes I get in these moods.
I talked to Mike about it a few days ago and believe me, I'm not ungrateful to be in the position that I am. I've spent the past 4 years getting a degree from an amazing school, and I've had the opportunity to intern at the magazine of my dreams with the staff of my dreams for two summers in a row. Yet still... I feel empty. I want to do something that ignites every bit of passion that I have. (Believe me, I've always wanted to work at BUST... I would greet that with open arms and a fit of excitement... I just don't know my destiny yet. And I guess that's part of the fun, right?)
Of course, my dream job from day one was to own my own independent retail store and/or a bakery that I designed last semester (remember Sweet Cheeks?!). I feel like that would bring me so much happiness... so rather than sitting here sulking, I need to get on it. There's no such thing as too much planning. Within the next few months, I hope to be designing, sewing, and selling dresses that I've made, among various other goods. I need to throw out all of my procrastination and self-doubt and put on my big girl pants... and just do it!
The good thing about this is that even though I can't wait to open my own brick-and-mortar shop, I will have plenty of time to sell online and various craft fairs or independent shops while Mike and I decide where we will set up our future home.
I have a lot of goals to share with you. I see that Elsie has ignited quite the buzz around the blogosphere with her 4 Simple Goals meme and that's so exciting. I love to read what you all strive for. Mine won't be as simple... well, some will, some won't. But I keep them written in the first page of my "Little Book of Ideas" so I can always reference them. From this point on... It's go time.
I will no longer let anyone (fiend or foe) bring me down for any reason... whether intentional or not. This is my pledge to do what is right for me and me alone. To make decisions regarding my career based on where I'd like to see myself. I will compare neither my work, nor my life, to anyone else. Instead, I will congratulate those on pursuing their dreams and work tirelessly on my own.
I will no longer let anyone (fiend or foe) bring me down for any reason... whether intentional or not. This is my pledge to do what is right for me and me alone. To make decisions regarding my career based on where I'd like to see myself. I will compare neither my work, nor my life, to anyone else. Instead, I will congratulate those on pursuing their dreams and work tirelessly on my own.
Here are a few images that will hopefully inspire you!
What inspires you? What motivates you? What do you want to achieve in your lifetime? What is your dream job? I want to know it all!
xoxo
Ok, so--move to Southern CA with your little family, we will open a cute shop on PCH, and have the time of our lives. :)
ReplyDeletejustine: haha i'm not a california girl! i did my stint in san francisco and part of me will always love norcal, but i'm an east coast/southern girl!
ReplyDeleteat the end of the day, you need to strive for & focus your energy on things that you have a passion for. life is too short to follow someone elses rules (: what motivates me? the endless possibilities that are out there waiting for me. my dream job? to either own a little second hand book store OR be a top journalist specialising in popular culture. & to be honest, if i can look back on my lifetime & say that i lived, i loved & i laughed i'm gunna be one happy person.
ReplyDeleteok, how about Rhode Island--then we will branch out to NYC, and have 2 cute shops!
ReplyDeleteDeal? Ok cool. :D
oh man, i totally know what you're talking about. having all of these dreams for forever and ever and trying to live up to the expectations that we set for ourselves. I know what I want and some times that gets lost in living life. I wish you luck lady!
ReplyDelete-grace
I know exactly what you mean! I'm sure your little business will be very successful! Especially with how well known you are right now in the blogging world. You should so go for it. :)
ReplyDeleteAlso I completely agree with you, I was born and raised in CA but I love, love, love the east coast! I really want to move to either Georgia or Florida one day. :)
Fantastic inspiring post. loving the pics.
ReplyDeletethank you for this post, i've been feeling the same way lately.. like everyone else is moving forward and i'm stuck in the same place.
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best of luck with making your dreams come true :) I know you can do it!
I'm really glad you posted this. I've been having such a crappy day, but this has made my mood a little brighter : )
ReplyDeleteThank you!!
oh honey hang in there! i get that way too! being at job i don't care much for, i want a job that motivates me and reflects the type of person i am...i am trying to get my shop off the ground and i know i can do it as i know you can too! you have the right attitude. just remember it will take time and patience...when you get down again just look at the big picture and how happy the end result will make you and that will keep you going. it is great to have support and keep talking to mike about what your needs are and what will help you get to the end result!! take control of what you want and go get it! you know you have supportive readers to turn to for advice too :) keep it up!
ReplyDeletexo,
cb
www.thecitybirdsnest.blogspot.com
I feel a bit like you. The difference is that you've felt that thing on your life earlier than me. I'm graphic designer but work in advertisment as a art director but me and my husband feel our life is empty, as we didn't get "there" yet (whatever "there" means). Now I'm trying to make a pos graduation (is that right?) on fashion, to study and learn new things. Maybe I like it, but the important is never stop learning and meeting new challenges.
ReplyDeleteI hope everything will be all right for you. You're a strong girl, you can do it!
I hope I didn't bum you out with my emails! I agree though, I'm also in need of some big girl pants, and I'm ready to start getting my act together! My sister and I have been talking about opening a business, and I've been thinking about it in an "oh, that would be great but it'll never happen" kind of way. But I should be more serious about it!
ReplyDeletexoxo,
susannahbean
susannah: no no no! it was so helpful because i knew i wasn't alone! never a burden! <3 good luck!
ReplyDeleteGO KAELAH!
ReplyDeleteI feel like that sometimes, too. Especially now. I got held back a bit at my school and now I'm watching my entire class graduate and I'll be there til October 19th. I'll be that last one. It's frustrating and hard to stay motivated (I was never much good at school anyway). But all you can do is just keep swimming...
I want to finish nursing school here in Germany that I just started, and then I want to move back to the US and live in a cute apartment/house in Manayunk Pennsylvania with a lover who adores me, 3 dogs and good friends. :)
ReplyDeleteThat's my goal..
My mom always tells me "Bloom where you are planted." I get tired of hearing it, but it helps me to remember! <3
ReplyDeletei love this! i love your blog! it's always so positive~
ReplyDelete♥ allisterbee.blogspot.com
i hate how you expect everyone to be nice to you. you expect everyone to tell you nice things all the time and then get overly shocked when someone says something thats slightly negative. that one person that said you looked much larger than a medium got a rude response from you. and why? because they were saying what they felt? no everyone is going to like you kaelah. not everyone is going to think your red hair is pretty, or that your curves are cute, or that you're the prettiest girl on earth and you need to accept that. you can't just post the positive and ignore the negative, you should let everyone's opinions be shown. and i would really appreciate if you actually responded as to why you are so full of yourself instead of just responding to the compliments. im more than 150% sure that not everyone on this earth enjoys you or how you look or how you act. but you only choose to portray those who do enjoy you, and why? you need to realize that you're not a size 2, that you need to stop acting like you're so skinny saying things like 'oh i got a size medium in tights but they still breathe!' like what are you trying to say? that you're so skinny that they're lose on you? well you're not thin. and you don't look like a size XS. and im not trying to hate on you im just really wanting you to see that not everything is posted in a positive way. that you can admit to the bad comments just like you love hearing the good. dont get a big head just because you get good comments, because im sure that for every compliment you get, you get a nasty one too. you just dont let people see that. so i'd like to hear your take on this but you will probably not have the balls to admit to this or respond.
ReplyDeleteNot kidding, I've felt down lately too & blogged about it yesterday! I dropped out of art school & switched majors. I sometimes wish I stayed with it. All my friends are graduating/getting married/having kids/buying homes now... It's crazy and I'm always comparing myself to their success. I feel like I have so many aspirations that are way beyond my reach!
ReplyDeleteI think you're farther along than you realize and have so much potential! You are talented and can do anything you put your mind to! The fact that you have dreams is the first step! Now it's just working towards them! I wish it all could happen in an instant, but patience is a virtue!
xo & I'll be paddling the boat with you!
My comment was getting too long so Kaelah - I'm going to email you :D
ReplyDeleteWELL ANON-
ReplyDeleteI think you don't read this blog very much because if you did you would know that Kaelah address her negative comments all the time! She is not afraid to stand up for herself.
Also--she was telling that girl that on her a medium is roomy, to try and help the girl know what size she should buy.
If you don't think she is beautiful and you don't think she is great stop internet stalking here.
We on the other hand do think those things, so I DO internet stalk her.
I understand you are not trying to call her out, but why not just email her then? Then post this and make her feel like shit? I mean she might not feel like that, but there I'm sure is some kind of negative emotion, and does anyone really need that?
I HATE that about public blogs--people think they can just be mean if its anoyonmous..
Anyways, I probably stepped over the line here, but I just got heated. Its lame when people are rude, and it gets no one anywhere.
Love this girl, and loving those pictures I couldn't help but repost one of the quotes, the one by Ida Scott Taylor, on my own blog. :)
ReplyDeleteMuch Love,
sK
Anon: Oh look! I approved! I'm not sure if you were born yesterday or perhaps dropped on our planet by a batch of space aliens only long enough to troll my formspring, find something you thought you could go with, and visit my blog... but here's my response to you:
ReplyDeleteuh... when have i EVER thought i was ~"skinny"?! Please do tell because i would love to relish the moment! It seems in today's blogosphere you have to either be a fashion blogger, or a fatshion blogger... and my dear, i'm sorry to break it to you, but i am neither. i'm not my red hair, the girl with the tattoos, the chick with the cheek piercings or the fat girl in the tights... nope, i'm kaelah. plain and simple. nice to meet you. i suggest you take a healthy dose of reality and just learn to love it. i'm no more, no less.
the thing about the tights.... REALLY?! you're going to try to use THAT as your main argument? Uh.. quick question for you, ballsy anon (oh, yeah, see apparently i have the hypothetical balls to respond to you, but you somehow seem to lack them when asking! interesting how that works, isnt it?!)... so onto my question, yes... have you ever WORN tights? uh hello THEY'RE STRETCHY! (or in the vein of ICP "f'king tights, HOW DO THEY WORK?!").. and yes, MAGICALLY! MIRACULOUSLY! OH THANK THE HEAVENS ABOVE a medium actually BREATHES! yeahhhhh, well too bad that refers to the denier count and the actual FIBERS of the tights, and the fact i can wear them on the hottest day but not overheat. THAT is what "breathing" means... but we can just pretend that they're somehow "loose" (or lose, as you spelled it) on me.... but then again, they're tights... so how is that possible? silly anon!
believe me... i'm quiteeeeee fine with not everyone liking me. there is a hefffftyyy chunk of society that i could do without seeing on a daily basis (or yearly or ... well... ever). but the difference between you and me is this: i can dislike someone, but not feel the need to go to their social media pages and try to tear them apart. TRUTH! this IS possible! it is definitely possible to dislike someone without the need to blast it all over the interweb! AMAZING! (of course, when you're anonymous, who cares, right?). i don't give a rat's behind who likes me and who doesnt... chances are highly likely that i wouldn't like people like you either. instead of trying to understand and get to know me as a person, you try to find the faintest crack in my persona and just drill, drill, drill... hoping that it'll get you somewhere.
HEAVEN FORBID that a size 12 girl doesn't feel the need to label herself FAT everywhere. I'm NOT a fat-fashion blogger... i'm a lifestyle blogger. who gives a hoot if i'm fat or curvy or red headed?! how is that at ALL relevant to what i bring to the table as person?!
....continued in next comment.
but i guess my response to you is totally in vain... you seem to have formulated such a well-rounded opinion of me... no sense in trying to change that now, right? i can live with people not liking me... i just don't have to care :) the people who leave me kind words are encouraging me to continue on in this path. they don't need to think i'm some sort of "saint" or anything like that... they are just trying to be uplifting and encouraging... something you seemed to have missed out on growing up. there wil ALWAYS be someone out there trying to tear me down or make me feel like crap for feeling good.... but i dont have to let them. negative comments are in no way valuable to the integrity of my blog, or to me growing as a person. they're only meant to hold people back. so i can say or do as i please. if that means not responding to malicious comments or formspring questions, so be it. because i dont promote ignorance. and when ONE person leaves an ignorant comment, you see what happens.... all of those awesome people who are so encouraging to me feel the need to put the weight of that mean and nasty thing on their shoulders and retaliate. and then it becomes nothing more than a war zone of anonymous comments and an internet army. that doesn't contribute to my posts or entries or the content. all it does is stir up drama.
ReplyDeleteso thank you, dear anon, for your "enlightening" comment. i love that you added "i'm not trying to hate on you" when quite obviously YOU ARE. you're promoting nasty behavior and it's unfortunate. but i guess you're the only one that has to live with that conscience. congratulations for your soapbox moment on my blog, but that is all that i'll be giving you. i'm not ashamed to respond to comments like your own, simply because i have nothing to hide. i just happen to be a fat girl who is 100% okay with herself. you could take a lesson or two, i bet. :)
everyone else: i'm so sorry to lump you into one little category as all 16 of your comments have been wonderful! its so great to hear what others aspire to! thank you all for your well wishes and i wish you nothing less! it'll be our little adventure into the big world!
I loved the sarcasm in your answer to that Anon lol I just don't understand why people who don't like others spend so much of their time looking at their blogs and websites and then waste even more of it trying to be rude about it? Ok, we get that you don't like it, so why are you still here?
ReplyDeleteI love your blog. You are truly inspiring!
ReplyDeleteThose pictures are inspiring. YOu have to chase your dreams no matter what. That's what I plan to do! Stay Positive! There are so many people rooting for you on your journey to success.
My dream job is to be be a School Counselor but have an office outside of the school to work with clients on a one-on-one basis.
The neighborhood where I live and the people I pass on a daily basis are what motivates me.
I hope to be a huge help on a humanitarian scale but we shall see how that pans out as I progress through life..
Avec Amour!
Emme
i am so happy you posted this! i have been feeling the same lately. i'm not sure what my "dream job" is or what i want to do forever, but i know that i don't want to go to college. i think people look down on me because i am not going to school. i just know that i wouldn't dedicate myself to it so why waste my time? i also know tons of people who have graduated from college & are working alongside me at starbucks. i know that i do want to get out of pittsburgh & move to seattle with my boyfriend within the next year or so. his dream is to start a t-shirt company & i would be willing to help him every step of the way. hopefully i'll discover & follow my dreams in seattle as well. thank you for all of your inspiration!
ReplyDeletewoah woah woah...if you don't mind, i would like to address this "anonymous" poster myself.
ReplyDeletedear anonymous...
first i would like to say that your own insecurities have been put on full display here...for all who adore and admire miss kaelah to see. and your entire comment has to do with her size? you have got to be kidding me...i don't even see the relevance of your comment to this post. is it in her wanting to see the positive and move in positive directions and be the best her she can be? is that where your problem lies? some people ARE happy, and some people DO love life, and some people like to project positivity and shed light so as to inspire themselves and others to BE LIGHT. your comment is quite convoluted. i must have missed the posts where kaelah speaks of herself as a size 2 (as if thats what she's going for in the first place?)...and why do you care if she bought a size medium or zero or any size for that matter? i also must have missed the part where she said "i expect everyone to be nice and love me and think i am amazing"...i'm pretty sure we all come to those opinions on our own...just as you have come to your own heinous opinion. and to be perfectly honest, it doesn't matter a stitch what you or anyone else thinks about her, or anyone for that matter. being confident and comfortable with yourself doesn't come from anyone or anywhere but within. i think you need to bother yourself less with what others are doing, saying, and wearing, and focus on bringing yourself up...being a better person all your own. where is your positivity? where is your compassion? and where oh where are your manners?
and lastly, why do you read kaelahs blog if she bothers you so much? i can't believe you went so far as to say "you will probably not have the balls to admit to this or respond"...wanna talk about balls? how about not leaving an anonymous comment...or are you worried we might have the chance to take hurtful stabs at you the way you have here?
whatever your reasons, whatever your personal woes, whatever your objective...if you don't have anything nice to say...don't say anything at all.
wishing you a future of happiness, peace, and self acceptance.
woah woah woah...if you don't mind, i would like to address this "anonymous" poster myself.
ReplyDeletedear anonymous...
first i would like to say that your own insecurities have been put on full display here...for all who adore and admire miss kaelah to see. and your entire comment has to do with her size? you have got to be kidding me...i don't even see the relevance of your comment to this post. is it in her wanting to see the positive and move in positive directions and be the best her she can be? is that where your problem lies? some people ARE happy, and some people DO love life, and some people like to project positivity and shed light so as to inspire themselves and others to BE LIGHT. your comment is quite convoluted. i must have missed the posts where kaelah speaks of herself as a size 2 (as if thats what she's going for in the first place?)...and why do you care if she bought a size medium or zero or any size for that matter? i also must have missed the part where she said "i expect everyone to be nice and love me and think i am amazing"...i'm pretty sure we all come to those opinions on our own...just as you have come to your own heinous opinion. and to be perfectly honest, it doesn't matter a stitch what you or anyone else thinks about her, or anyone for that matter. being confident and comfortable with yourself doesn't come from anyone or anywhere but within. i think you need to bother yourself less with what others are doing, saying, and wearing, and focus on bringing yourself up...being a better person all your own. where is your positivity? where is your compassion? and where oh where are your manners?
and lastly, why do you read kaelahs blog if she bothers you so much? i can't believe you went so far as to say "you will probably not have the balls to admit to this or respond"...wanna talk about balls? how about not leaving an anonymous comment...or are you worried we might have the chance to take hurtful stabs at you the way you have here?
whatever your reasons, whatever your personal woes, whatever your objective...if you don't have anything nice to say...don't say anything at all.
wishing you a future of happiness, peace, and self acceptance.
woah woah woah...if you don't mind, i would like to address this "anonymous" poster myself.
ReplyDeletedear anonymous...
first i would like to say that your own insecurities have been put on full display here...for all who adore and admire miss kaelah to see. and your entire comment has to do with her size? you have got to be kidding me...i don't even see the relevance of your comment to this post. is it in her wanting to see the positive and move in positive directions and be the best her she can be? is that where your problem lies? some people ARE happy, and some people DO love life, and some people like to project positivity and shed light so as to inspire themselves and others to BE LIGHT. your comment is quite convoluted. i must have missed the posts where kaelah speaks of herself as a size 2 (as if thats what she's going for in the first place?)...and why do you care if she bought a size medium or zero or any size for that matter? i also must have missed the part where she said "i expect everyone to be nice and love me and think i am amazing"...i'm pretty sure we all come to those opinions on our own...just as you have come to your own heinous opinion. and to be perfectly honest, it doesn't matter a stitch what you or anyone else thinks about her, or anyone for that matter. being confident and comfortable with yourself doesn't come from anyone or anywhere but within. i think you need to bother yourself less with what others are doing, saying, and wearing, and focus on bringing yourself up...being a better person all your own. where is your positivity? where is your compassion? and where oh where are your manners?
and lastly, why do you read kaelahs blog if she bothers you so much? i can't believe you went so far as to say "you will probably not have the balls to admit to this or respond"...wanna talk about balls? how about not leaving an anonymous comment...or are you worried we might have the chance to take hurtful stabs at you the way you have here?
whatever your reasons, whatever your personal woes, whatever your objective...if you don't have anything nice to say...don't say anything at all.
wishing you a future of happiness, peace, and self acceptance.
woah woah woah...if you don't mind, i would like to address this "anonymous" poster myself.
ReplyDeletedear anonymous...
first i would like to say that your own insecurities have been put on full display here...for all who adore and admire miss kaelah to see. and your entire comment has to do with her size? you have got to be kidding me...i don't even see the relevance of your comment to this post. is it in her wanting to see the positive and move in positive directions and be the best her she can be? is that where your problem lies? some people ARE happy, and some people DO love life, and some people like to project positivity and shed light so as to inspire themselves and others to BE LIGHT. your comment is quite convoluted. i must have missed the posts where kaelah speaks of herself as a size 2 (as if thats what she's going for in the first place?)...and why do you care if she bought a size medium or zero or any size for that matter? i also must have missed the part where she said "i expect everyone to be nice and love me and think i am amazing"...i'm pretty sure we all come to those opinions on our own...just as you have come to your own heinous opinion. and to be perfectly honest, it doesn't matter a stitch what you or anyone else thinks about her, or anyone for that matter. being confident and comfortable with yourself doesn't come from anyone or anywhere but within. i think you need to bother yourself less with what others are doing, saying, and wearing, and focus on bringing yourself up...being a better person all your own. where is your positivity? where is your compassion? and where oh where are your manners?
and lastly, why do you read kaelahs blog if she bothers you so much? i can't believe you went so far as to say "you will probably not have the balls to admit to this or respond"...wanna talk about balls? how about not leaving an anonymous comment...or are you worried we might have the chance to take hurtful stabs at you the way you have here?
whatever your reasons, whatever your personal woes, whatever your objective...if you don't have anything nice to say...don't say anything at all.
wishing you a future of happiness, peace, and self acceptance.
woah woah woah...if you don't mind, i would like to address this "anonymous" poster myself.
ReplyDeletedear anonymous...
first i would like to say that your own insecurities have been put on full display here...for all who adore and admire miss kaelah to see. and your entire comment has to do with her size? you have got to be kidding me...i don't even see the relevance of your comment to this post. is it in her wanting to see the positive and move in positive directions and be the best her she can be? is that where your problem lies? some people ARE happy, and some people DO love life, and some people like to project positivity and shed light so as to inspire themselves and others to BE LIGHT. your comment is quite convoluted. i must have missed the posts where kaelah speaks of herself as a size 2 (as if thats what she's going for in the first place?)...and why do you care if she bought a size medium or zero or any size for that matter? i also must have missed the part where she said "i expect everyone to be nice and love me and think i am amazing"...i'm pretty sure we all come to those opinions on our own...just as you have come to your own heinous opinion. and to be perfectly honest, it doesn't matter a stitch what you or anyone else thinks about her, or anyone for that matter. being confident and comfortable with yourself doesn't come from anyone or anywhere but within. i think you need to bother yourself less with what others are doing, saying, and wearing, and focus on bringing yourself up...being a better person all your own. where is your positivity? where is your compassion? and where oh where are your manners?
and lastly, why do you read kaelahs blog if she bothers you so much? i can't believe you went so far as to say "you will probably not have the balls to admit to this or respond"...wanna talk about balls? how about not leaving an anonymous comment...or are you worried we might have the chance to take hurtful stabs at you the way you have here?
whatever your reasons, whatever your personal woes, whatever your objective...if you don't have anything nice to say...don't say anything at all.
wishing you a future of happiness, peace, and self acceptance.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI'm swiftly approaching my late 20s and I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I've felt the same way, that I'm just here, breathing and going through the motions, but I'm not really living. Everyone else is passing me by while I'm stuck in the same hamster wheel I've been in for years.
ReplyDeleteI needed this post today, thank you so much :)
thank you. you always post these exactly when i need them.
ReplyDeleteHi Kaelah!
ReplyDeleteI loved this post so much I blogged about it!!
http://ebenlemon.blogspot.com/2010/08/motivation-monday.html
I included a little blurp about you and your blog, feel free to take a look! Thanks again, Emma
Thanks for this kaelah, I've been wanting to set up my own folksy/ etsy store but life gets in the way sometimes and its hard to keep at it.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog, and if people don't like it they don't have to read it but I guess some people are so bitter and nasty inside that they need to focus on their hate. If you don't like it, don't look.
You shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone! X
I'm just about to start college to do journalism. I can't wait!
ReplyDeleteI worry too much about making an ideal life for myself, rather than just living in the moment. x
"I need to throw out all of my procrastination and self-doubt and put on my big girl pants... and just do it! " - Exactly how I'm feeling at the moment. Thank you for posting this. I can see now that I'm not the only one in the world feeling like this! :)
ReplyDeleteKaelah, you rock. And this post was super inspiring.
ReplyDeleteThis post was super inspirational! Follow your dreams of opening your shop!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to school right now for my dream job to become a labor and delivery nurse, follow your passions!
Sarah
theantiquepearl.blogspot.com